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Loneliness has overtaken me.. I miss my Love terribly and want and need him desperately. How can anyone live with loneliness?? How can anyone deal with loneliness?? How can anyone function properly with loneliness?? Can anyone explain this to me?? Please!! Nothing seems to get rid of the loneliness :'-( |
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Making amends for wrongs committed is no easy task.. I am working to get my Master back as my Master and not just my love.. I love him with every fiber of my being. My heart, soul, and body are his and his alone. He has forgiven my transgressions against him the disobedience, the yelling and screaming at him, the hanging up on him, the paranoia I had and accusing him of something he wasn't doing.. All that he has forgiven me of.. And I'm grateful he has. Yet I can't seem to forgive myself.. I've been wanting to punish myself for my transgressions against him yet I lack the knowledge to do so. Every punishment I've tried on me has turned me on, made me wet. I need to find something suitable for a punishment for me.. I love him so, so much and it still bothers me just how close I came to losing him permenantly.. and not just as my Master.. as my love as well.. So damned close to losing him for good. |
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So depressed right now so low I just want death to claim me.. I've just lost My Wonderful Master.. For how long I've no idea maybe even for good.. I also may have lost him as my Love as well.. Please let me die.. I can't take the pain any longer |
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Why does it feel like my feelings and emotions are invalid?? Yeah I understand people's situations may be rougher than mine.. But they're hard for me.. Yet I feel like how I feel doesn't matter that I'm not allowed to be hurt or angry.. Why is that?? Why can't my feeling and emotions be just as valid as someone elses?? |
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Master not pleased with me.. My body's burning up and I no allowed to play.. I played for Master for a bit and it hurt so good that I screamed out in pleasure.. He told me no screaming and it happened again tried so hard not to scream.. My Wonderful Master warned me again not to scream that it was just for him... And guess what?? Yep you guessed it.. It happen again.. Master then told me to get dressed and put my toys away and that until he says I no allowed to play.. My body still on fire and not allowed to put it out.. It's excrutiating.. Above all else my heart hurts from me disappointing My Master, My Wonderful Master whom I enjoy pleasing is not pleased with his baby.. Me a sad girl. Me a bad girl :'-( |
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Went to see and surprise Master today.. I feel soo much better now that I've seen him.. He smiled big when he saw me and said I looked great.. He said it was a wonderful surprise.. He called me when I got home and said he was upset at me cause I'd gotten a ride from one of our friends.. And that he was worried cause he couldn't get ahold of me he was afraid he'd never see me again.. I appologized for worrying him and told him what all happened when we left. We were in several dead zones so he wasn't able to get through going through lots of back roads.. Phone never rang and was almost dead when I got home.. :-( I spent most of the time in the car crocheting a lap blanket and singing along to the radio, had a blast.. I miss My Master and needed desperately to see him.. His hair is so long and beautiful.. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Love his long hair. |
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First time in a long time I am content and calm.. Master called and asked me to play for him... OMFG FELT SOO GOOD TO RELEASE ALL THAT BUILT UP TENTION I HAD IN MY BODY!! Now I'm feeling more at ease and relaxed.. |
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Another day and stuff to do.. sometimes living on a boat sucks.. portapotty need emptying YUCK!!, need more water and ice.. Ice machine broke though and no idea when they gonna get it perminately fixed.. I've been finding huge ass roaches/palmetto bugs crawling around and most times I can squash them. Been cold here after the rains and they looking for warmth.. I wish they'd go to the noninhabited boats for their shelter and leave me alone.. UGH hate them little bastards.. Not scared of them as when I squash them it either with my bare hand or my bare feet.. |
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Lonely as ever today and missing Master more and more. I wish he were home. Patience, patience, patience I must have patience. Starting to run out of it though.. :-( My head starting in on me and my mantras Master gave me no longer work.. I such a loser, I worthless, I not good for anyone.. |
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Well found out alright.. Master no come home for 6 more months THIS SUCKS!!! Alone for 6 more months FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! |
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Tomorrow we find out if My Master is allowed to come home.. I hope he will be but not expecting it.. Been let down too many times to expect anything.. I love My Master and I need him home desperately.. My heart aches that he not home.. |
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I'm missing my Master more and more.. I haven't heard from him in a while and am really worried about him.. This business which is keeping him away from my arms has caused much stress to us both.. I keep hoping he'll get to come home soon but am not anticipating anything happening.. I'm tired, I'm lonesome, I'm mentally, emotionally, and psychologically exhausted. I'm wanting and wishing him home with everything in me. |
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I'm missing my Master as he's away dealing with some important business. I hope he'll be able to come home soon so I can have him in my arms again. Letters, phone calls and texts are all I have to look forward to until he able to come home.. How Ohh how I miss my Master desperately. :'( |
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Ok here's the deal with me.. I have mental issues I must speak of and they are as follows bipolar,depression, anxiety, schizoaffective, and ADD if you don't know about any of them... there are lots of places on the web that have all you need to know.. also on Facebook there are peoples pages who discuss what is going on inside our minds these mental illnesses aren't who I am.. They prohibit me from being that person I want to be one that doesn't have to worry about hurting those she cares about because of her symptoms.. I want to be the person who doesn't want to lose her son because of her symptoms.. don't like what I have to say... then don't waist either of our times by bitching and complaining about it...GROW UP FOR CHRIST'S SAKE GEES!!! |
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2ND DAY OF SUMMER YAY AND ONE MORE DAY TIL MY BDAY OHHH FUCK.. FEELING OLDER THAN MY AGE AND FEELING OLDER UGH. Ok now that I got that out of my system.. let's see.. bit down in the dumps lately all thanks to stress and other bothers.. the only thing that seems to help my mood is my 2 4legged furbabies aka my ferrets.. been checking on facebook and found some interesting information that's also been helping me to actually slow my mind down and think of what's going on inside my head.. for those of you who actually read these things.. you know that I've got mood problems as well as others.. slowly regetting the hang of situations..not easy and going at slower than a snails pace but am getting there. Wish me luck.. LOL |
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Ok this shit's getting old people.. does anyone not understand becoming friends first getting to know someone then having that person becoming your Dom/me sub/slave/pet. Friendship should always come first and foremost.. respect should be earned as well as given... also I understand that people enjoy being their nature right off the bat.. but please for the sake of the Gods above get to know someone as a friend first this way you'll know if you click or not.. please be advised though.. I don't check messages here all the time.. so I beg patients and know that I'll respond back to you..
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Ok so what's wrong with most men??? Especially my hubby?? IDK why but seems to me he doesn't know a damn thing about how to be a Master and doesn't really care to know.. Does this make since to anyone?? You'd think most men would love to be in control of their woman or women in control of their men but WTF I mean come on.. sometimes I feel this whole thing is a waist of time.. :( |
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