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I am a dominant woman searching for a LTR with a submissive. I am an intelligent, energetic, protective, clever, insatiable woman who enjoys life. I enjoy music, hiking, gardening, concerts, reading, and most outdoor activities.
For fun I enjoy thought provoking, intelligent conversation. Especially about subjects that raise questions to which the answers will never be known for sure.
My Ideal Person
I am searching for a single submissive who is honest, intelligent, articulate, obedient and devoted. I long for a submissive who is alpha in the workplace, successful, motivated, cunning, even dominant yet this facade melts away the minute he is mine. I seek a submissive who is capable of walking on the razors edge between the vanilla world and ours. Sincerity and intelligence with a strong desire to please me, as well as a willingness to stretch your boundaries. I do not have time for those who indulge in cyber interactions, endless emails, etc. After an introductory email, my expectation is to discuss things further via Skype or FaceTime. I have no interest in downloading anyone apps such as kid, etc.
I gravitate towards a man who is mature, confident and intelligent. A man who loves to smile and laugh is very sexy to me. You want a relationship filled with mutual respect, admiration, friendship, romance, meaningful intimacy on all levels (emotionally, intellectually and physically)..Only message me if you believe in chivalry, holding open the door and putting me up on that proverbialpedestal. My submissive is genuine, protective, easy going, open minded, affectionate, compassionate and has a smile and eyes that melt me. Hell enjoy, witty, flirting banter along with serious conversation. Hes physically active and enjoys things such as golf, hiking, jogging, walks in the park and other outdoor activities. I repeat, I am not looking for online cyber, play, and for the dominants who need it stated succinctly--- I have absolutely no interest in switching.
I appreciate all honest emails from thoughtful, articulate men introducing yourself,what you are searching for, and why you believe you would be a potential partner for me. One liner emails will be deleted without a response. This also includes an email asking me how I am. Introduce yourself, take some time to tell me about yourself and why you believe you would be a good fit for me. Some experience, history and what a Ds relationship meanslooks like to you.
Ifyou would like to learn more about me, visit my tumblr blogmlyef.tumblr.com
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Another post from http://sadisticgames.tumblr.com
Question:
Do you and your girl ever take on average husband wife roles? Like watching movies on the couch, or gardening, or going out for dinner, or is there always an undertone of Dom/sub in everything you two do together?
Answer:
Yes, the D/s stuff is perhaps 5% of Our relationship.
This blog just happens to shine a spotlight on it.
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I absolutely love http://sadisticgames.tumblr.com blog:
Question:
anonymous asked:
In need of answers!! So I'm dating someone who isn't a natural Dom and have been trying to teach him how to be through examples of showing him a my toys, crops, restraints, and explained how they were used. told him my limits, gave him resources for info, and even showed him some of my favorite porn, and he is slowly improving in the bedroom but it doesn't feel natural. What should I do?
His answer:
“natural Dom”
This is getting nearly as bad as the real/fake Dom/sub.
I don’t think ya’all realize how many people this scares away.
“Oh well, I’m not a natural, so why bother?”
What you are looking for in your partner is confidence, and confidence comes with time, practice, and trust.
What you want is for him to know your queues, not hesitate, and take control.
That doesn’t just happen and there isn’t any way to rush it.
Trying to do so out of frustration is a good way to make someone throw up their hands and just say “fuck it”.
Everyone has to learn, experience, and become comfortable with those experiences at their own rate.
So keep supplying resources, keep a blog of your fantasies he can follow, keep encouraging him to experiment and learn.
you’re doing great there, but be patient.
There is no such thing as a natural Dom.
There are simply more experienced Doms. |
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I follow http://acutelesbian.tumblr.com on Tumblr
This young lady has expressed exactly my same fear:
acutelesbian
:
A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
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Another great blog post by http://sadisticgames.tumblr.com/page/2
ANAL PLAY
Question: I have a question about anal play. More specifically prep, how does one go about cleaning the anus? Beyond wiping your ass, obviously.
Answer:
Well, if you want it clean inside and out, then the best way that I know of is with an enema. If you want to be 99% sure there won’t be any embarrassment, that’s the way to go.
Some people enjoy them, some get off using them as punishment, and some just use them for cleaning, but they are easy enough to get and use.
Hell, there are even some shower attachments made for it now.
http://www.stockroom.com/Universal-Water-Works-System-P3676.aspx
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If you send me an email that says "Hi" or is brief or asks a questions without a proper introduction, I simply won’t answer it. I’ll delete it and move on. No more contacting me later and complaining because I will simply make the assumption you are another fake and then I will block you. The only info I get to work with is the info you give me. I am not wasting anymore of my time trying to communicate with people who obviously aren't serious about finding a partner. |
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Another great blog from http://sadisticgames.tumblr.com
Question:
What’s the best way to gain experience as a Dom? I would think most subs would prefer someone who knows what they are doing so that everyone is getting the most out of it.
Answer:
Well, lets go over what makes a good Dom.
First things first, being a decent human being.
Recognizing that you do not, and cannot know everything.
Realizing that each person, each relationship, and each sub is different.
So lets assume you’re a decent human being.
Now it’s safety and comfort.
Making sure bondage isn’t pinching the skin or cutting off circulation.
Making sure you know where to spank someone and for how long.
Ensuring that your partner is comfortable using their safe word.
Now you are making sure you and your partner are safe, sane, and consensual.
Next you want to be confident without being a complete ass.
How do you do that? Talk to your partner.
Like I said, every sub is different, with different wants, needs, expectation, interests, and limits.
If you don’t know your partner, it’s incredibly difficult to be confident with them.
The kinks, the roles, the toys, and the tricks all come after.
You can join up on fetlife or other social sites and follow along on forums and conversations and learn a lot.
But what you really need to do it make sure your partners best interest always comes first, that you are doing your best, and always learning as you go.
There will be awkward moments, mistakes, pinches, and with any luck, you’ll learn from them just like I continue to. |
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I wanted to share one of Wintersong Tashlin
's videos on youtube. He articulates information very well and covers many different topics. I would suggest watching his videos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLxjoTNQnY8&list=PL31085DB7ECCD361E&index=25 |
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I wanted to throw this quick entry as this has been a reoccurring problem for me and a few of my friends. Let's have some common courtesy and just tell people when you have changed your mind. Don't be a douchebag~have the balls to be upfront and say it how it is.
'Ghosting:' The 21st-Century Dating Problem Everyone Talks About, But No One Knows How To Deal With
After three months of dating, 23-year-old Michael was optimistic about his relationship with Linda*. They were together often, and he'd even met her parents. One night at dinner, the "where is this going?" conversation came up. Michael and Linda mutually agreed that they wanted to move forward in the relationship. He dropped her off at home, kissed her goodnight ... and never heard from her again.
After his attempts to reach her went unanswered, Michael put on his cute-guy hat and delivered Linda's favorite cupcakes to her office -- only to find out his name had been removed from the guest list at the gate.
Ghosted.
The term "ghosting
" (sometimes known as the "slow fade") refers to the anecdotally pervasive act where one dater ends a relationship by simply disappearing. The ghost does not give an explanation of any sort, leaving the ghosted wondering where he or she went wrong.
This phenomenon isn't new, of course -- prehistoric daters sat by their curly-corded phones waiting for their ghosts to call, and assumed that call musthave come when he or she was out of the house. (The Discovery Channel has yet to confirm the anecdote, but current 20-somethings speculate as much.)
But in an era of Tinder, OKCupid, JSwipe and Hinge, matchmaking often happens by swiping right and left, making potential daters literally disposable. The ease of app and online dating has allowed ghosting to take new form. Chelsea, a 25-year-old Manhattanite who has been both a ghost and a ghostee says the fast-paced, onto-the-next mentality of online dating makes the need for an "it's not me, it's you," conversation irrelevant. "Even after one or two dates they are still just a profile to you, not a person. I don't feel the normal empathy I would for someone I met organically," she said.
Logan Levkoff
, sexologist and expert on "Married At First Sight," explained that online dating and apps take the humanity out of the process a bit, which could make users prone to being ghosted. "[Because] all it takes is a swipe," she said. "The quantity [of how many people experience ghosting] is more because it's so easy to do and it requires very little human engagement in order to do it."
In fact, in a poll conducted by YouGov and The Huffington Post
, respondents ages 18-29 were more likely to admit they've experienced ghosting on either end than any other age group.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Dating is, in some ways, a metaphor for Halloween. ('Tis the season, go with me here.) Trick-or-treaters go from house to house, tasting all different types of "candy" (aka men or women) until they're completely exhausted. They go home, put on comfier clothes, consume literal candy until they can't even breathe declaring to their friends, "I'M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN." That is, until a cute guy or gal ... er, Hershey bar ... messages them.
In a 2012 study,
researchers identified seven types of breakup strategies. Trick-or-treaters polled considered confrontation the best way to breakup, while they classified ghosting (avoiding/withdrawing from contact with your partner) the least ideal method to end a relationship. The YouGov/Huffington Post Poll confirmed these sentiments. Only 13 percent of 1,000 adults polled consider breaking up electronically very appropriate or somewhat appropriate.
But while most don't condone ghosting, that doesn't seem to influence whether they'll do it to someone else.
Chelsea admits that's the case for her and a bunch of her friends. "I'm a total hypocrite in that respect. I'll ghost someone without a second thought but when it happens to me I'm the first to run to my girlfriends in disbelief saying, 'The least he could do is let me down easy,'" she said, adding, "It's probably karma."
So, Is Ghosting Morally Wrong?
New York-based location scout Victoria Carter protested the slow-fade in a 2013 blog post on XOJane
. "When you disappear into the ether without any indication why, all I can do is come up with a million and a half reasons why you’re not into me," she wrote. Ghost victims have certainly been there and done that too, wondering... He could be out of the country without cellphone service, maybe she really is busy at work, Miranda's date actually died in one SATC episode
... it could happen.
To members of Ghosters Anonymous, Carter continued, "Until you close the door and close it completely, I can hold on to that tiny unrealistic shred of hope that you DO still want to hang out, and that maybe you’ll call (text, who am I kidding, nobody calls anymore and I hate it) and it’ll all be great."
But Greg Behrendt
, author of the best-selling book turned movie, He's Just Not That Into You
, firmly believes that silence speaks louder than any words could. "What I find weird is that there has to be an explanation after two dates. If someone doesn’t call you after a couple days, that should be enough to say, he's just not that... oh God, I don’t want to quote myself," he said (quoting himself anyway).
It's simple, and there's no need to contemplate the many "reasons" a date is unresponsive, he explained. "When someone's not texting you and you see they've read your text, then you should really get it," said Behrendt, who recently co-authored a book with his wife, appropriately called, It's Just A Fucking Date
.
Defending ghost tendencies in an Oct. 2013 post on Slate
, writer Amanda Hess echoed that sentiment:
The idea that a direct message is necessary to cement a relationship’s end is yet another obfuscation. When it comes to modern digital relationships, the rhythm of the exchange tells us as much as its literal content, and it doesn’t take any specialized skill to read between the lines. If you’re initiating all the texts in the relationship, the recipient just isn’t that into you; if you’re not getting any texts back, the recipient isn’t into you at all.
Yes, lack of response from someone you're digging feels crappy. But is it morally wrong? Behrendt doesn't think so -- and he can't understand why humans can't apply the same understanding about changed feelings to relationship as they do to virtually everything else.
"Feelings change about a lot of things... about a band, about a food, about certain things you thought were fun that you don’t think are fun anymore. But it becomes so profound in relationships like, 'that's never happened in the history of relationships and why would he just walk away?' Well haven’t you just walked away from a million different things in your life because you weren’t into it? It's the universe taking care of you saying, '"I'm sorry but that particular thing is over, go this way,'" he said.
But... What About R-E-S-P-E-C-T?
On the flip side, Levkoff feels offering an explanation -- even if it's a short one -- is just part of being a standup woman or man. "It's nice to be able to say to someone, 'Listen I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't think this is going to move forward in a romantic way,'" she said.
The likelihood is that you're not going to feel great if a relationship ends, be it one minute or a year. So a statement like that might hurt feelings, "but it means they respect you if they care enough to be upfront with what's going on," she said.
Plus, without a conversation, you run the risk of a ghost coming back to life. "When nothing else is going on those people tend to show up again, and then you're like what happened for all that other time?," Levkoff said.
Writing about the subject on The Date Report in May, reporter Sara Ashley O'Brien explained that ghosting just prolongs
the time it takes to move on:
A simple acknowledgment of an appreciation for the time we did spend together, “Hey, I had a fun few dates with you but I don’t think we’re right for each other beyond that,” would provide so much more closure. It’s always a blow, but you can get over it in a few days. When the ghost disappears, you spend the first few days wondering when you’re going to get a text back and then weeks trying to figure out what went wrong.
At the end of the day, Levkoff explained, it's each ghost for himself. "We have to take ownership and hold ourselves accountable," she said.
It's not them, it's you?
In the days post-ghosting, the unanswered often retrace the ghost's steps, looking for possible clues as to why he or she disappeared. "I don't get it, we had such a great time on our date," or "He promised he would call! There were no signs!" are frequent quotes that friends of ghosting victims hear.
But Behrendt believes that's never the case -- there are always signs. "Part of it is the way you set the relationship up, and what you allow to happen so that somebody is going to be able to escape," he said. That's the big problem with #kidsthesedays and relationships via text or Tinder or Hinge. If the majority of your "relationship" takes place on one of these platforms, there's a surefire sign that the receiver of your iMessages might disappear. Rule of thumb, Behrendt warns: "If it's not in person, it's not real."
But given that not-in-person early courtships aren't going anywhere -- what's a woman or man who wants to avoid being ghosted to do?
Ghosts don't necessarily have personality patterns, and so, the onus is on you to be clear and upfront. Echoing Behrendt's take, Levkoff said, "If we don't acknowledge what we want right from the start, if the beginning of your relationship is about texting back and forth and the conversation is fairly benign and short, it lends itself to easy in, easy out she said."
That's one place where dating sites and apps might actually lend themselves, she explained. It's very easy to start a Tinder conversation with, "Hey, so why are you on here?" for example.
Levkoff advises throwing the idea that that type of conversation is "off-limits" out the window. "I don't believe there are any rules when it comes to love and sex and relationships. I think if there’s something you want, you should be upfront about it. I don't think game playing makes sense at all, and if someone doesn't respond well to directness, then they weren't the right person anyway," she said.
And if your potentials keep disappearing, take a step back and look in the mirror (unless of course, you are the ghost, in which case, owning a mirror would be quite silly). Ask yourself these questions: "Is there something with the people you're meeting? What do they have in common? What are you looking for that's causing the same outcome over and over again?," Levkoff said.
Behrendt adds a few more warning signs to watch out for: "Look at where he wanted to meet you, look at what his plans were, look at how difficult he was to get in touch with."
And if you're unhappy with the answers to those prompts, rest easy knowing that even the most notorious ghosts will change their stripes when the right person comes along. Right, Casper? |
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A helpful group on Facebook : The Safe Submissive
http://asibdsm.com/consent-and-bdsm/ |
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An interesting post from I fucking love science: http://www.iflscience.com/brain/pursuit-happiness-why-some-pain-helps-us-feel-pleasure
In Pursuit Of Happiness: Why Some Pain Helps Us Feel Pleasure
The idea that we can achieve happiness by maximising pleasure and minimising pain is both intuitive and popular. The truth is, however, very different. Pleasure alone cannot not make us happy.
Take Christina Onassis, the daughter of shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis. She inherited wealth beyond imagination and spent it on extravagant pleasures in an attempt to alleviate her unhappiness. She died at 37 and her biography, tellingly subtitled All the Pain Money Can Buy
, recounts a life full of mind-boggling extravagance that contributed to her suffering.
Aldous Huxley recognised the possibility that endless pleasure may actually lead to dystopian societies in his 1932 novel Brave New World
. Although the idea of endless pleasure seems idyllic, the reality is often very different.
We need pain to provide a contrast for pleasure; without pain life becomes dull, boring and downright undesirable. Like a chocoholic in a chocolate shop, we soon forget what it was that made our desires so desirable in the first place.
Emerging evidence suggests that pain may actually enhance the pleasure and happiness we derive from life. As my colleagues and I recently outlined in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Review
, pain promotes pleasure and keeps us connected to the world around us.
Pain Builds Pleasure
An excellent example of how pain may enhance pleasure is the experience commonly referred to as “the runners high”. After intense physical exertion, runners experience
a sense of euphoria that has been linked to the production of opioids, a neurochemical that is also released in response to pain.
Other work
has shown that experiencing relief from pain not only increases our feelings of happiness but also reduces our feelings
of sadness. Pain may not be a pleasurable experience itself, but it builds our pleasure in ways that pleasure alone simply cannot achieve.
Pain may also make us feel more justified in rewarding ourselves with pleasant experiences. Just think how many people indulge themselves a little after a trip to the gym.
My colleagues and I tested this possibility
by asking people to hold their hand in a bucket of ice-water and then offered them the choice of either a Caramello Koala or a florescent highlighter to take with them as a gift.
Participants who did not experience any pain chose the highlighter 74% of the time. But those who had pain only chose it 40% of the time – they were more likely to take the chocolate. Pain, it seems, can make chocolate guilt-free!
Pain Connects Us To Our World
People are constantly seeking new ways to clear their minds and connect with their immediate experiences. Just think of the popularity of mindfulness
and mediation exercises
, both of which aim to bring us in touch with our direct experience of the world.
There is good reason to believe pain may be effective in achieving this same goal. Why? Because pain captures our attention.
Imagine dropping a large book on your toe mid conversation. Would you finish the conversation or attend to your toe? Pain drags us into the moment and after pain we are more alert and attuned to our sensory environment – less caught up in our thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow.
My colleagues and I recently tested
whether this effect of pain may also have some benefits. We asked people to eat a Tim Tam chocolate biscuit after holding their hand in a bucket of ice-cold water for as long as they could. We found that people who experienced pain before eating the Tim Tam enjoyed it more than those who did not have pain.
In two follow-up studies, we showed that pain increases the intensity of a range of different tastes and reduces people’s threshold for detecting different flavours. One reason people enjoyed the Tim Tam more after pain was because it actually tasted better – the flavour they experienced was more intense and they were more sensitive to it.
Our findings shed light on why a Gatorade tastes so much better after a long hard run, why a cold beer is more pleasant after a day of hard labour, and why a hot chocolate is more enjoyable after coming in from the cold.
Pain literally brings us in touch with our immediate sensory experience of the world, allowing for the possibility that pleasures can become more pleasant and more intense.
Pain Bond Us With Others
Anyone who has experienced a significant disaster will know that these events bring people together. Consider the 55,000 volunteers
who helped clean up after the 2011 Brisbane floods or the sense of community spirit
that developed in New York in response to 911.
Painful ceremonies have been used throughout history to create cooperation and cohesion within groups of people. A recent study
examining one such ritual – the kavadi in Mauritius – found that participants who experienced pain were more likely to donate money to a community cause, as were those who had simply observed the ceremony. The experience of pain, or simply observing others in pain, made people more generous.
Building on this work, my colleagues and I had people experience pain
in groups. Across three studies, again, participants either immersed their hand in ice-water and held a squat position for as long as they could, or ate very hot raw chilies.
We compared these experiences to a no-pain control condition and found pain increased cooperation within the group. After sharing pain, people felt more bonded together and were also more cooperative in an economic game: they were more likely to take personal risks to benefit the group as a whole.
A Different Side Of Pain
Pain is commonly associated with illness, injury or harm. Often we don’t see pain until it is associated with a problem and in these cases pain may have few benefits at all. Yet, we also experience pain in a range of common and healthy activities.
Consider the recent ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) ice-bucket challenge
. By dousing ourselves in ice water we were able to raise unprecedented support for a good cause.
Understanding that pain can have a range of positive consequences is not only important for better understanding pain, but may also help us manage pain when it does become a problem. Framing pain as a positive, rather than negative, increases neurochemical responses
that help us better manage pain.
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I follow sadistic games blog, a male dominant on tumblr and I find his Q&A very well articulated. He also has another blog as he is a switch, which is also well written: http://submissivegames.tumblr.com/
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A post from: sadisticgames.tumblr.com
anonymous asked:
Does it make me a bad sub when my dom tells me to do something i dont want to do or dont feel like doing and i dont do it because of those reasons even though i should because the whole sub dom thing and i get im in control of my body when it really comes down to it but does it make me a bad sub for not doing things all the time for him?
Communication.
This is how I see it.
If a sub says to Me, “I want you to take control and forbid me from masturbating 24/7.” Then she turns around and masturbates whenever she wants, doesn’t tell Me, and acts like nothing happened, that is a bad sub.
Now if she slips up, confesses, asks for a punishment and accepts it, that is fine, people make mistakes.
If a sub says to Me, “I want you to take control and forbid me from masturbating over the weekends.” Then she holds to that, but first thing monday she masturbates, that’s fine, she held to the agreement.
The agreement. That is the key. A D/s relationship of any kind is an agreement, and agreements have terms that should be discussed in detail before things get rolling so that both parties know where the lines are.
When will you be playing? How will you be playing? Limits? What is different between when you are face to face, texting, or away from each other?
Don’t assume expectations. Communicate what you both want out of the relationship, when, where, and how and then find a happy medium that will work for you both.
Not every sub wants to be 24/7, just like not every Dom wants to deal with a 24/7 sub. They aren’t all kept in cages.
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Some very vital information for sub missives new to the lifestyle
The link: http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/first_meeting.html
Safe First Meetings
In the Dominant submissive or BDSM Lifestyle
The following is a list of rules and suggestions for a submissive to make a safe first meet with a Dom/me that they have met online, or by phone. Most of the suggestions work perfectly well for a Dom/me to meet a submissive the first time too. It sounds paranoid, but it’s all about safety. Every time we meet someone new, we’re playing Russian roulette. There is no way to avoid that, but we can decide how many bullets are in the chamber by making ourselves as safe as possible.
#1. Always assume the person you are meeting is potentially dangerous. Don’t listen to other list- or chat room-member’s opinions on the person, as most of them have never met this person in the flesh either. Use your intuition. If the meet feels wrong, don’t even go.
#2. Do your homework. Ask for a photo, a license plate number, his home phone number and his real name. Check telephone information or online to see if the information matches.
#3. Meet at a well-lit, open-concept location. Coffee shops are great because police frequent them. If at all possible, meet during the day, and avoid places with dark parking lots. If you do meet at a restaurant, arrive early and explain to the waiter/waitress that you are meeting someone for the first time, and ask if they would be good enough to alert the police if you are having problems. Never meet at your home for a first meeting.
#4. Make your own arrangements for a ride. Don’t rely on someone you don’t know, have never met in person, and may not trust or like for a ride home. Public transit is not good enough, because it is VERY easy to be abducted from a bus stop or subway. If you don’t have a car, arrange for a ride, or take a cab. In fact, a great way to escape from a bad meet is to arrange for a cab to arrive at your meeting place for you an hour after you arrive. If everything is going well, go out and tip the driver and tell him you’ll call later. If the meeting is going badly, get in the cab and don’t look back.
#5. Make arrangements for a safe call. It is vitally important to have one. Your safe call should be someone you know, in real life, not from a chat channel or on the list. You should be able to trust this person with your real name, real phone number, address, the license plate number of your car, the location of the meet you are heading to, and as complete an itinerary of the evening as you can. If you don’t trust the safe call enough to give them this information, don’t even bother asking them. Arrange a "green light word" and a "red light word." These are words you can use in a phone conversation to alert your safe call as to whether things are going well, or are dangerous. Make sure they are words that won’t tip off a potentially dangerous person if they are listening to your cell conversation. If you use the green light, all is well, and you will call again at the agreed upon time. If you use the red light, the safe call should send the police to your meeting place immediately! The use of the red and green lights are important because if someone is preying on members of the BDSM community, they are probably quite aware of safe calls. They may FORCE you to make a safe call after they have abducted you, to give them the time to do what it is they want to do. The following is a checklist of information you should have for your safe call:
Your full name:
Your home address:
Your home phone number:
Your cell number:
Your pager number:
Your License plate number:
Where you are meeting:
The full name of who you are meeting:
The Drivers License number of who you are meeting:
A photograph of the person you are meeting:
A recent photo of yourself:
When you intend to call first (first safe call):
When you intend to call second (second safe call):
When you intent to be home:
Your "green light word":
Your "red light word":
The phone number of your meeting place:
The phone number of the police station local to your meeting place:
#6. Do NOT play on a first meet. This can be the hardest rule to live by, especially if you are driving long distances to meet someone you have been courting for months online. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. If you are planning on building a long-lasting relationship with the person you are meeting, rather than having a one-night stand, and the person you are meeting feels the same way, they WILL meet with you again, and WILL talk to you more before setting up a play session. The main reason for this rule is that while you’re having coffee, if things start to feel wrong, you can leave. You can’t do that if you’re tied up. Use your intuition and listen to your feelings.
#7. If possible, bring along a chaperone. Don’t even let the person you’re meeting know that he (it is best to have a large, intimidating male here, or a group of females) is there. Have your chaperone sit a few tables away, so that you have your privacy, but he can read your body language and listen if your voice starts to rise. If he sees any problems, he can come over and escort you out. If your chaperone is your ride, you have a perfect escape route. If the person you are meeting insists that you leave with him/her, then you can calmly say, "See that person over there? He is expecting to take me home. If he sees me leave with you, he will call the police to follow us."
#8. Make a back-out arrangement. Bring your pager or cell-phone. Have your safe-call call YOU sometime during the meeting. If things are going terribly wrong, tell the person you are meeting that there is an emergency at home and you must leave immediately. Pagers work best for this, because you have to "find a pay phone" to make the call. Don’t even come back to the table.
#9. Ask to see your contact’s photo id. Do so just before your first safe call, and give your safe call your contact’s driver’s license number. If you go missing, the police will be able to find him/her much easier with a home address to go by. If the driver’s license looks faked, leave. You may be asked to return the favor in kind. Psychopaths are not necessarily Dominant. Do so, ONLY if you trust this person not to stalk you at your home: remember, your address is on your driver’s license.
#10. If the meet doesn’t go well, but isn’t potentially dangerous, don’t feel pressured into arranging another meet unless you really want to give it a second try. Saying "no" is incredibly difficult for most submissives. A real Gentleman or Lady wouldn’t pressure a submissive to meet again, but if everyone were gentlemen and ladies, this safety list wouldn’t be necessary.
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BDSM 101: Subspace, Aftercare and Sub-drop
The link to this information: http://chicomunch.com/publ/basic_info_about_bdsm/bdsm_101_subspace_aftercare_and_sub_drop_and_sometimes_top_drop/1-1-0-23
I wanted to share some important information for anyone new to D/s
SUBSPACE
Within the context of BDSM, "subspace" is a an altered psychological state that is often entered into by the person bottoming in a scene. It is not easy to characterize, because each person's reactions to BDSM play can be quite different -- and even a single person's reactions to play can vary from scene to scene.
Most people associate BDSM with the physical aspects of the scene: The floggers, whips, rope, and the like. However, there are many mental aspects to a scene as well, and those need to be considered during every scene.
Subspace, in one sense, is much like an hypnotic trance. A trance is any period of narrowly-focused attention. If you've been "sucked into" a book or movie, such that the world disappeared for a time, you've been in a trance. During a BDSM scene, as you progressively focus more and more on the physical sensations of play, the entire world may disappear, leaving only you, the Top, and whatever is being done to you.
At the same time, BDSM quite often involves impacts to the body. During a scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a response of the sympathetic nervous system, which causes a release of epinephrine from the adrenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins.
These natural chemicals are a part of the body's primal "fight or flight" response. They produce the same effects as a morphine-like drug. This dump of morphine-like chemicals into one's bloodstream into increases the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense -- and also induces a euphoric, ecstatic floating feeling.
Subjectively, subspace is like getting drunk or getting high on drugs. You forget the pain, your problems, all your cares seem to drift away and be obliterated while you're in this state. Some submissives, upon reaching a height of subspace, may lose all sensations of pain, or become incoherent, making safewords useless.
The euphoria of subspace (or some parts of it) can last anywhere from hours to days after play. Some people can carry a positive "glow" from play that lasts them for weeks.
However, it is also a state of mind that impairs rational thought and decision making skills. It's a state that needs to be monitored carefully for the mental and physical safety and well being of all the parties involved. While it is important to take this into consideration during play, it is especially important to remember this as a scene is winding down and is stopped.
If a submissive goes far enough into subspace, they could injure themselves without knowing it, or continue to ask for play that could injure them without their knowledge. If the Top whom they're playing with doesn't understand the dangers of subspace, it can be even more dangerous for the sub.
The experience of subspace is a major reason that subs play within the BDSM world. Aside from exploring desires they've kept hidden from themselves, and experiencing a form of sexually-related play that operates on levels of explicit communication that they've probably never experienced before -- learning to fly in subspace is a powerful and ecstatic experience. It is literally an incredibly powerful "natural high".
When a submissive is in subspace, they usually don't want to come down from it, since it is a feeling of bliss that they don't want to lose. However, all play must end, and what goes up, must eventually come down. It is very important to understand that learning to fly involves learning to land in a graceful way, which preserves the flying experience -- because the alternative to a graceful landing is sometimes rather like a mental airplane crash.
DROP
Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state, as play ends the submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and un-coordination. In the lifestyle, this is commonly referred to as "drop" or "sub-drop"
Drop is experienced by athletes and adventurers. Drop happens to Tops and Doms, (though this is often less-well-recognized) for pretty much the same reasons as athletes and adventurers. It also happens to people after high stress situations. After an emergency like a car accident or a break-in, people often find that they go through days where they have a feeling of being adrift, rather than how they are used to feeling.
Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. BDSM play is a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involves exposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never before done. Sometimes, inexperienced Tops will begin BDSM play, and then abruptly terminate a scene (perhaps because they rudely decide that someone else would be "more interesting" to play with) and walk away. This can leave the abandoned sub in a *very* down state -- feeling that they engaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them, and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.
There is also a different sort of drop, which is a function of encountering contradictions between the ingrained (and often implicit) "rules" that people live their lives by, and the discovery that various things in BDSM make them extremely happy. Usually the last thing that people do upon discovering that they are ecstatically happy doing things which harm no one but which might run contrary to a moral code handed to them as a pre-cognitive child, is to haul out the moral code and examine if following it actually leads to happiness.
Most often what people do is continue to do what makes them happy, but mindlessly accept their code's condemnation of it and swim in a sea of guilt over the contradiction. While this form of drop is usually outside of the subject of subspace and aftercare, it can be relevant if it leads to unexpected and unanticipated feelings of guilt, perhaps a day or two after play. It can combine with other aspects of drop to leave someone feeling abandoned, off balance, or simply wondering and unsure about their worth after a heavy scene.
The majority of people recover from play in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of drop for weeks after a very intense session. The more extreme forms of drop could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before. Some people have felt lost and depressed for hours or days. Some just want to sleep it off.
The BDSM community combats drop by teaching people how to land gently, and by being prepared to assist others whom they play with to gently transition from flying to being "on the ground". We call this "aftercare". It is important to not only know that one might need it, but also to know that it is something that one may want (and need) to negotiate receiving after playing.
AFTERCARE
As a general rule, play in a public dungeon tends to be less intense than private play. This is especially true if the play is casual (established during the party, rather than between existing partners). Even existing partners will often fail to push as many boundaries in public play as they will in private. So people in the lifestyle who are playing privately probably have a greater need to establish rituals of aftercare that fit their exact needs.
In public dungeons, aftercare is usually oriented towards recognizing the immediate physical needs of subs who have been playing. Because the sub's body has been undergoing exertion, body temperature frequently drops sharply after play. This may require having a blanket or a robe for warmth as the sub can sometimes become chilly to the point of shivering, even if fully clothed. The sub may feel unsteady on their feet (sometimes barely able to move without assistance) necessitating a comfy place where they can sit or lie down and experience gentle contact and physical comfort for a period after play. Their cognitive functioning may be impaired (slow or disjointed) for a while after play.
Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert.
It is important to know that it is unwise to engage in heavy play (especially as a sub) and then drive too soon afterwards, as one might be far more "under the influence" due to subspace than if one were at the current legal limit for alcohol.
Aftercare, at it's most basic, simply involves the willingness to continue being there with your play partner for a sufficient time period that they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium, and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the the obvious dimensions of the scene.
It is a good idea to have a network of kinky friends whom you can talk to if you find that you need to -- one of the reasons that FetLife's community is important. As a Top, it is often important to make sure that the sub you play with knows how to get in contact with you, so that if they need later reassurance, it can be provided.
Continuing to help the transition, especially if going home alone after play, some people find that assembling "aftercare supplies" helps them continue to land gently after they arrive home. Relaxing music, comfort objects, scented candles, bubble baths, favorite books or movies, incense, and other forms of self-pampering serve to continue to remind people that they are special and cared for, allowing them to bask in the gradually fading fires of their flight into subspace.
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More information about the medical realities about Breath Control:
The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play by Jay Wiseman, author of "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction"
For some time now, I have felt that the practices of suffocation and/or strangulation done in an erotic context (generically known as breath control play; more properly known as asphyxiophilia) were in fact far more dangerous than they are generally perceived to be.
As a person with years of medical education and experience, I know of no way whatsoever that either suffocation or strangulation can be done in a way that does not intrinsically put the recipient at risk of cardiac arrest. (There are also numerous additional risks; more on them later.)
Furthermore, and my biggest concern, I know of no reliable way to determine when such a cardiac arrest has become imminent.
Often the first detectable sign that an arrest is approaching is the arrest itself. Furthermore, if the recipient does arrest, the probability of resuscitating them, even with optimal CPR, is distinctly small. Thus the recipient is dead and their partner, if any, is in a very perilous legal situation. (The authorities could consider such deaths first-degree murders until proven otherwise, with the burden of such proof being on the defendant). There are also the real and major concerns of the surviving partner's own life-long remorse to having caused such a death, and the trauma to the friends and family members of both parties.
Some breath control fans say that what they do is acceptably safe because they do not take what they do up to the point of unconsciousness. I find this statement worrisome for two reasons:
(1) You can't really know when a person is about to go unconscious until they actually do so, thus it's extremely difficult to know where the actual point of unconsciousness is until you actually reach it.
(2) More importantly, unconsciousness is a symptom, not a condition in and of itself. It has numerous underlying causes ranging from simple fainting to cardiac arrest, and which of these will cause the unconsciousness cannot be known in advance.
I have discussed my concerns regarding breath control with well over a dozen SM-positive physicians, and with numerous other SM-positive health professionals, and all share my concerns. We have discussed how breath control might be done in a way that is not life-threatening, and come up blank. We have discussed how the risk might be significantly reduced, and come up blank. We have discussed how it might be determined that an arrest is imminent, and come up blank.
Indeed, so far not one (repeat, not one) single physician, nurse, paramedic, chiropractor, physiologist, or other person with substantial training in how a human body works has been willing to step forth and teach a form of breath control play that they are willing to assert is acceptably safe -- i.e., does not put the recipient at imminent, unpredictable risk of dying. I believe this fact makes a major statement.
Other "edge play" topics such as suspension bondage, electricity play, cutting, piercing, branding, enemas, water sports, and scat play can and have been taught with reasonable safety, but not breath control play. Indeed, it seems that the more somebody knows about how a human body works, the more likely they are to caution people about how dangerous breath control is, and about how little can be done to reduce the degree of risk.
In many ways, oxygen is to the human body, and particularly to the heart and brain, what oil is to a car's engine. Indeed, there's a medical adage that goes "hypoxia (becoming dangerously low on oxygen) not only stops the motor, but also wrecks the engine." Therefore, asking how one can play safely with breath control is very similar to asking how one can drive a car safely while draining it of oil.
Some people tell the "mechanics" something like, "Well, I'm going to drain my car of oil anyway, and I'm not going to keep track of how low the oil level is getting while I'm driving my car, so tell me how to do this with as much safety as possible." (They may even add something like "Hey, I always shut the engine off before it catches fire.") They then get frustrated when the mechanics scratch their heads and say that they don't know. They may even label such mechanics as "anti-education."
A bit about my background may help explain my concerns. I was an ambulance crewman for over eight years. I attended medical school for three years, and passed my four-year boards, (then ran out of money). I am a former member of the American Academy of Family Physicians and a former American Heart Association instructor in Advanced Cardiac Life Support. I have an extensive martial arts background that includes a first-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. My martial arts training included several months of judo that involved both my choking and being choked.
I have been an instructor in first aid, CPR, and various advanced emergency care techniques for over sixteen years. My students have included physicians, nurses, paramedics, police officers, fire fighters, wilderness emergency personnel, martial artists, and large numbers of ordinary citizens. I currently offer both basic and advanced first aid and CPR training to the SM community.
During my ambulance days, I responded to at least one call involving the death of a young teenage boy who died from autoerotic strangulation, and to several other calls where this was suspected but could not be confirmed. (Family members often "sanitize" such scenes before calling 911.) Additionally, I personally know two members of my local SM community who went to prison after their partners died during breath control play.
The primary danger of suffocation play is that it is not a condition that gets worse over time (regarding the heart, anyway, it does get worse over time regarding the brain). Rather, what happens is that the more the play is prolonged, the greater the odds that a cardiac arrest will occur. Sometimes even one minute of suffocation can cause this; sometimes even less.
Quick pathophysiology lesson # 1: When the heart gets low on oxygen, it starts to fire off "extra" pacemaker sites. These usually appear in the ventricles and are thus called premature ventricular contractions -- PVC's for short. If a PVC happens to fire off during the electrical repolarization phase of cardiac contraction (the dreaded "PVC on T" phenomenon, also sometimes called "R on T") it can kick the heart over into ventricular fibrillation -- a form of cardiac arrest. The lower the heart gets on oxygen, the more PVC's it generates, and the more vulnerable to their effect it becomes, thus hypoxia increases both the probability of a PVC-on-T occurring and of its causing a cardiac arrest.
When this will happen to a particular person in a particular session is simply not predictable. This is exactly where most of the medical people I have discussed this topic with "hit the wall." Virtually all medical folks know that PVC's are both life-threatening and hard to detect unless the patient is hooked to a cardiac monitor. When medical folks discuss breath control play, the question quickly becomes: How can you tell when they start throwing PVC's? The answer is: You basically can't.
Quick pathophysiology lesson # 2: When breathing is restricted, the body cannot eliminate carbon dioxide as it should, and the amount of carbon dioxide in the blood increases. Carbon dioxide (CO2) and water (H2O) exist in equilibrium with what's called carbonic acid (H2CO3) in a reaction catalyzed by an enzyme called carbonic anhydrase. (Sorry, but I can't do subs in this program.)
Thus: CO2 + H2O H2CO3
A molecule of carbonic acid dissociates on its own into a molecule of what's called bicarbonate (HCO3-) and an (acidic) hydrogen ion. (H+)
Thus: H2CO3 = HCO3- and H+
Thus the overall pattern is:
H2O + CO2 = H2CO3 = HCO3- + H+
Therefore, if breathing is restricted, CO2 builds up and the reaction shifts to the right in an attempt to balance things out, ultimately making the blood more acidic and thus decreasing its pH. This is called respiratory acidosis. (If the patient hyperventilates, they "blow off CO2" and the reaction shifts to the left, thus increasing the pH. This is called respiratory alkalosis, and has its own dangers.)
Quick pathophysiology lesson # 3:
Again, if breathing is restricted, not only does carbon dioxide have a hard time getting out, but oxygen also has a hard time getting in. A molecule of glucose (C6H12O6) breaks down within the cell by a process called glycolysis into two molecules of pyruvate, thus creating a small amount of ATP for the body to use as energy. Under normal circumstances, pyruvate quickly combines with oxygen to produce a much larger amount of ATP. However, if there's not enough oxygen to properly metabolize the pyruvate, it is converted into lactic acid and produces one form of what's called a metabolic acidosis.
As you can see, either a build-up in the blood of carbon dioxide or a decrease in the blood of oxygen will cause the pH of the blood to fall. If both occur at the same time, as they do in cases of suffocation, the pH of the blood will plummet to life-threatening levels within a very few minutes. The pH of normal human blood is in the 7.35 to 7.45 range (slightly alkaline). A pH falling to 6.9 (or raising to 7.8) is "incompatible with life."
Past experience, either with others or with that same person, is not particularly useful. Carefully watching their level of consciousness, skin color, and pulse rate is of only limited value. Even hooking the bottom up to both a pulse oximeter and a cardiac monitor (assuming you had either piece of equipment, and they're not cheap) would be of only limited additional value.
While an experienced clinician can sometimes detect PVC's by feeling the patient's pulse, in reality the only reliable way to detect them is to hook the patient up to a cardiac monitor. The problem is that each PVC is potentially lethal, particularly if the heart is low on oxygen. Even if you "ease up" on the bottom immediately, there's no telling when the PVC's will stop. They could stop almost at once, or they could continue for hours.
In addition to the primary danger of cardiac arrest, there is good evidence to document that there is a very real risk of cumulative brain damage if the practice is repeated often enough. In particular, laboratory studies of repeated brief interruption of blood flow to the brains of animals and studies of people with what's called "sleep apnea syndrome" (in which they stop breathing for up to two minutes while sleeping) document that cumulative brain damage does occur in such cases.
There are many documented additional dangers. These include, but are not limited to: rupture of the windpipe, fracture of the larynx, damage to the blood vessels in the neck, dislodging a fatty plaque in a neck artery which then travels to the brain and causes a stroke, damage to the cervical spine, seizures, airway obstruction by the tongue, and aspiration of vomitus. Additionally, there are documented cases in which the recipient appeared to fully recover but was found dead several hours later.
The American Psychiatric Association estimates a death rate of one person per year per million of population -- thus about 250 deaths last year in the U.S. Law enforcement estimates go as much as four times higher. Most such deaths occur during solo play, however there are many documented cases of deaths that occurred during play with a partner. It should be noted that the presence of a partner does nothing to limit the primary danger, and does little or nothing to limit most of the secondary dangers.
Some people teach that choking can be safely done if pressure on the windpipe is avoided. Their belief is that pressing on the arteries leading to the brain while avoiding pressure on the windpipe can safely cause unconsciousness. The reality, unfortunately, is that pressing on the carotid arteries, exactly as they recommend, presses on baroreceptors known as the carotid sinus bodies. These bodies then cause vasodilation in the brain, thus there is not enough blood to perfuse the brain and the recipient loses consciousness. However, that's not the whole story.
Unfortunately, a message is also sent to the main pacemaker of the heart, via the vagus nerve, to decrease the rate and force of the heartbeat. Most of the time, under strong vagal influence, the rate and force of the heartbeat decreases by one third. However, every now and then, the rate and force decreases to zero and the bottom "flatlines" into asystole -- another, and more difficult to treat, form of cardiac arrest. There is no way to tell whether or not this will happen in any particular instance, or how quickly. There are many documented cases of as little as five seconds of choking causing a vagal-outflow-induced cardiac arrest.
For the reason cited above, many police departments have now either entirely banned the use of choke holds or have reclassified them as a form of deadly force. Indeed, a local CHP officer recently had a $250,000 judgment brought against him after a nonviolent suspect died while being choked by him.
Finally, as a CPR instructor myself, I want to caution that knowing CPR does little to make the risk of death from breath control play significantly smaller. While CPR can and should be done, understand that the probability of success is likely to be less than 10%.
I'm not going to state that breath control is something that nobody should ever do under any circumstances. I have no problem with informed, freely consenting people taking any degree of risk they wish. I am going to state that there is a great deal of ignorance regarding what actually happens to a body when it's suffocated or strangled, and that the actual degree of risk associated with these practices is far greater than most people believe.
I have noticed that, when people are educated regarding the severity and unpredictability of the risks, fewer and fewer choose to play in this area, and those who do continue tend to play less often. I also notice that, because of its severe and unpredictable risks, more and more SM party-givers are banning any form of breath control play at their events.
If you'd like to look into this matter further, here are some references to get you started:
"Emergency Care in the Streets" by Nancy Caroline, M.D. (I'd recommend starting here.)
"Medical Physiology" by A.C. Guyton, MD
"The Pathologic Basis of Disease" by Robbins, MD
"Textbook of Advanced Cardiac Life Support" by American Heart Association
"The Physiology Coloring Book" by Kapit, Macey, and Meisami
"Forensic Pathology" by DeMaio and Demaio
"Autoerotic Fatalities" by Hazelwood
"Melloni's Illustrated Medical Dictionary" by Dox, Melloni, and Eisner
People with questions or comments can contact me at www.jaywiseman.com or write to me at P.O. Box 1261, Berkeley, CA 94701.
Regards,
Jay Wiseman |
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BREATH PLAY~EDGE PLAY
Some wonderful information regarding the practice of "breath control/play", by Jay Wiseman. Jay is a former ambulance medic and law school professor.
Choking, suffocation, and other forms of “breath control” are sometimes played with. Among other things, the first symptom of oxygen deprivation is often euphoria. Also, the idea of this degree of control can be compelling. One submissive woman gasped with wonder (and delight) when she considered that her master might “control the very air I breathe.” Unfortunately, this area is the single most dangerous aspect of SM-related play.
After a great deal of investigation, consideration, and discussing this subject with people who have much more medical knowledge than I have, I have been completely unable to learn any way to make breath control acceptably safe. Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of SM-related fatalities I have heard of were related somehow to restricting breathing.
The whole problem lies in determining how much is enough. Often you don't know that until you've gone too far. Its similar to the old mechanic’s joke that goes: Question: How tight should I tighten this bolt? Answer: Tighten it to a quarter-turn before it strips.
The goal of some forms of breath play seems to be to render the submissive unconscious and then revive them. Unfortunately, one major problem is that the means to render the submissive unconscious by interfering with the amount of oxygen to their brain also, and unknown by many people who try this, affects the submissive's heart. People usually appear to tolerate this well, but if there's a mishap – they die. Another serious problem is that every episode of unconsciousness, for whatever reason, seems to cause at least some permanent (repeat: permanent) brain damage.
There just simply seems to be no safe way to play in this area. Police “judo chokes” designed to cause unconsciousness harmlessly have been banned by many police departments because these holds caused deaths in many cases – and sometimes the death occurred hours after the choke was applied. “Experts” at breath-control –related erotic play have died because their “fail-safe” devices failed. Even “apparently safe” practices such as ordering the submissive to hold their own breath or ordering them to hyperventilate can be far, far riskier than they seem to be.
“Auto-erotic asphyxiation” masturbation games cause large numbers of fatalities in otherwise entirely healthy people each year. I was once involved in a resuscitation attempt on such a case during my ambulance days. I still clearly remember my partner, myself, the cops, the fire department, and the hospital emergency room crew doing the absolute best CPR we could on a young teenage boy while his mother yelled and screamed and prayed frantically to God to please, please, please not take her boy. (We got his heart going again, but he died the next day.)
I have researched this area a great deal, and I find no safe way to play. That saddens me, because I don't like to think that anything is so intrinsically dangerous that it shouldn't ever be done, but it certainly seems true in this particular case. I have listened to several “experts” and I've found truly alarming flaws in their reasoning and deficits in their knowledge. I have read literature associated with breath control play, and it also scares me. Stay away from this stuff.
Footnote: Because I hate to say that any erotic practice is so dangerous that it should never be done, I'm willing to listen to further advocates of breath control play. However, I've listened to some and so far they have not only failed to impress me – they have appalled me.
You can write to me about how you think breath control play can be done safely if you want, but if you don't have a clear, detailed understanding of arterial blood gasses, PVCs, the vagus nerve, asystole, syncope, acetylcholine, hypocarbia, tetany, ventricular fibrillation, and related subjects then you have absolutely no business telling anybody anything about breath control play other than to stay away from it.
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When I am typing up my submissive, gagging him, teasing him, bringing him to the edge, I like to play some music. Sometimes I will engage in some sensory deprivation by either having him wear ear plugs or a headset with music playing. Blindfolds add to the anticipatory anxiety. I thought I would share a playlist. No more of that tiresome Enya!
A sample playlist:
George Michael - Fast Love
Gregorian, Amelia Brightman - Join Me
Eli Lieb - Place Of Paradise
Ehma - Prelude
03 Vision [O Euchari in Leta Via] - Vision - Hildegard von Bingen
Sting - Desert Rose
Bush - Come Down
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold
Jarvis - Run Away (Dubstep)
Sia - Lullaby (Testo e Traduzione)
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I thought I would share some good music; songs I enjoy playing in the background while I enjoy my submissive.
Howl
Song by Florence and the Machine
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to
Howl, howl
Howl, howl
Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground
Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins
I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness
And howl, howl
Howl, howl
Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground
And howl
Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground
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FOR GREAT ADVICE
I have been following http://sadisticgames.tumblr.com on tumblr and love the advice he gives to folks who are new to the lifestyle. He also has some hilarious animated gifs.
It is tricky to navigate through the alternative lifestyle community, as there are so many crazies out there and "50 Shades of Grey" is a novel about abuse rather than D/s, which has not helped the community with all the people wanting to live it out to some degree or another.
I will try to share links on safety soon.
Remember to use a safe word.And when you meet someone new make a "safe call".A safe call is letting a trusted family member or friend know you are meeting someone new and you give the contact info, as well as where you are going, and what time to expect you back. Safety is crucial! For men AND women. Watch a few episodes on the ID Channel and you will realize there are plenty of unstable people out there who come off pretty normal.
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BREAKING BAD
So, I have received various emails since my last post. Thank you for the lovely emails of support, it is reassuring to know there are some kind people on the site who are earnestly searching as well.
I have received a few emails from male dominants wanting to submit, one I am sharing because he asked if I wanted to break him. I give my response, edited a bit for privacy reasons. I have edited his ID for privacy as well.
XXXXX on 12/28/14 at 10:41 AM:
A most interesting profile. Much of which I can relate to. This site is indeed crazy at best. Finding a match is like winning powerball twice. I am very Dominant male. I have been in the lifestyle off and on my whole life. Lately I have entertained being a sub to the right Domme. I have always had this on the back burner of my mind. I have yet to find a Domme that I would want to submit to. If you would entertain breaking a Dominant male, I would be interested to converse more. I am real, intelligent and experienced. I have Skype. Just putting it out there. Maybe we can compare notes further. My best, XXXX
My response:
Good morning,
I appreciate you email, however, I am searching for a submissive who is hard-wired to serve. I don't have any desire to try to "break" someone. I know the lifestyle is possible, xxxxxxx xxxx. It is a numbers game, however, I do agree with your lottery analogy.
I wish you success in your search.
May 2015 be good to you,
Pardus |
I can't speak for any other dominants, but I don't want to "break" anyone, nor kidnap, nor cage, blah, blah, blah. I also received emails telling me women are naturally submissive and I have just yet to meet the right male dominant who could break me. Well, I am going to be emotionally naked and honest here: I am not strong enough to submit to anyone. Aside from not having any desire to submit, I am not embarrassed to say I think a submissive is a much stronger person because trusting another person with your physical, and emotional (and whatever else you want to label it) well being takes an exceptionally strong individual.
I have spend a number of years trying to squelch who I am. If the internet had been around when I was in high school or college, life would have been a lot easier. I have tried churching it out, working it out, keeping myself so busy I wouldn't have time to think about it. But in the end, it was always there like a great beast clawing, roaring, tearing at the door of my psyche. I have over-analyzed why I am "this way" but I really don't know. I do believe some of us are hard-wired a certain way. The submissive I am searching for longs to be owned, cherished, protected, used. I don't need to claim them, force them to be mine. I want them to view me as their angel, Mother, protector, child, savior, sinner, nurse, best friend, confidant.
I hope everyone has enjoyed their respective holiday and want your 2015 to be filled with many wonderful moments. Remember to be safe, sane and consensual!
I had to come back and add:
I see nothing wrong with people wanting to experiment. Even though I used to previously take issue with switches, it is just not my thing. In my opinion, a person should do what makes them happy. The same goes for a couple. All the silly arbitrary rules in the BDSM community are why I don't like being affiliated with it. So, I just wanted to clarify so no one thought I was chastising this person. I just happen to want someone who has felt they were hard-wired to submit.
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Time to Reflect
It has been some time since I have posted on my journal. I have been vacillating between forging ahead in my search for a submissive partner, or deleting my various Ds accounts and calling it quits for awhile. I am still uncertain of my decision, but I do want to encourage others to keep your chin up and know there are real people who truly do want to share this life with you. It is a tough and very frustrating search, but so very worth it when you find that special partner.
While I am not a "believer", I do wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever else you celebrate. I wish for you to have 2015 be a year filled with health, and special moments with family and friends.
This past weekend I hiked Elephant Rock State Park and stopped by a Farm & Livestock Shop and was pleasantly surprised by an assortment of bits, crops, ropes, and so much more. I purchased a few bits to use as gags and a few other items. I would encourage you to check out any such stores in your area. I have posted a few of my times on my Tumblr account if you would like to see them.
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Well, I posted on 11/26 that the person I met seemed like a good fit. The irony is, I repeatedly asked if they were absolutely certain about wanting to live this life, listing all the challenges, etc. They assured me this is something they wanted and a flight was scheduled. This individual even seemed somewhat off-put by my repeated question of asking them really wanting to move forward to potentially living a 24/7 relationship. You know the old saying "paying for the sins of those before you"? I have in the past, invested a great amount of time with calls, Skype, even a visit, only to have the person flake at the last minute. Well, unfortunately it has happened again. Great communication, some Skyping, some emailing, texting and then radio silence. I think the most discouraging part is knowing the next potential person will be subjected to my trigger shy demeanor given the past experiences.
But, this is all a part of trying to find a partner, so...next!
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I thought I would share something fun~ electrical stimulation. (I am not being paid by this company, I have used their products and they are quite nice! )
E-Stim Intro
Here is the link to watch videos of their products: http://media.erostek.com.s3.amazonaws.com/video/videos.html
World of Sensation Awaits You!
Electro-stim. Electro-sex. Getting wired up. These are just a few ways of describing the activities we’re going to discuss. This guide intends to answer these questions and set you off on the right path. The next chapters take us deeper down into the world of Electro-Sex. Let’s start from the beginning, by answering some frequently-asked questions.
Is it another kind of vibrator?
It’s not a vibrator, although it does create the sensation of movement. Vibrators consist of a motorized counterweight that produce a mechanical vibration that you can both hear and feel. Electro-stim employs the flow of electrons to produce nerve and muscle sensations with no physical movement. Electro-stim does its job silently and is easily adjusted for a mild to strong stimulation, depending on you — or your partner’s — mood.
Is it dangerous?
When used as suggested, electro-stim is safer than many other forms of erotic play. The amount of current passed into the body is very small, and the choice of electrodes — the parts that touch the body to allow current to flow — are made from durable, hypoallergenic materials including high-grade aluminum and conductive silicone rubber.
What does it feel like?
At first, it feels a little weird. There’s a tingling sensation that starts from the electrodes and continues in the space between them. Most people have never experienced this sensation, and without the proper introduction — learning the basics — electro-sex can be a bit “too weird” and that’s the end of the exploration. With the right preparation and guidance however, many people enjoy this new sensation and think of all kinds of ways to get the current flowing through them. I’m passionate about electro-sex. I enjoy the endless range of sensations available, from the mildest tingle to levels approaching pain. The fact that I’m in control — unless I decide to hand over the controls to someone else — gives me the freedom to feel all sorts of pleasurable feelings and create happy memories that I carry throughout the day.
Is it addictive?
I don’t think so. I view addiction from a broad psychological tendency more than a specific substance or practice. Do you have an addictive personality? If so, electro-sex could be yet another thing you’ll be hooked on. Most people can go weeks and months without getting wired up. I find that I still want sex with a man, and I don’t need electro to get off. It’s just another method I use to get pleasure — one of my favorites.
How many people are wired up right now?
We’ve sold thousands of ErosTek ET312s
in the past decade and there are other companies selling their units to thousands more. I’d say there are 50 – 100 thousand electro-sex aficionados at this point, just a rough guess. As to how many are wired up at this very moment, I can’t say. That answer to that will be known when we have a networked electro-sex portal. The future is bright. There’s the potential to connect ourselves to one another using this technology.
http://shop.erostek.com/pages/We-Bring-You-Pleasure%21.html |
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It's statistics people...do the math.
How Many People Engage in SM?
A handful of significant sociological studies have been done to determine percentage of the population engages in SM activities.
The 1990 Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex reports:
"Researchers estimate that 5-10 percent of the U.S. population engages in sadomasochism for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis, with most incidents being either mild or stage activities involving no real pain or violence. Most often it is the receiver (the masochist), not the giver (the sadist), who sets and controls the exact type and extent of the couple's activities. It might also interest you to know that in many such heterosexual relationships, the so-called traditional sex roles are reversed -- with men playing the submissive or masochistic role. Sadomasochistic activities can also occur between homosexual couples."
June M. Reinisch, Ph.D. with Ruth Beasley, M.L.S (1990). Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex, St. Martin's Press: pg. 162-163.
A new Playboy poll by Dr. Marty Klein appeared in November, 1998, p. 81:
- 18% of the men and 20% of the women have used a blindfold during sex.
- 30% of the men and 32% of the women have tied someone up or have been tied up during sex.
- 49% of the men and 38% of the women have spanked or have been spanked as part of sex.
A survey by Hunt (1974) of 2,026 respondents found that:
- 4.8% of men and
- 2.1% percent of women had obtained sexual pleasure from inflicting pain and
- 2.5% of the men and
- 4.6% of the women obtained sexual pleasure from receiving pain.
These numbers are probably underestimates, because the erotic response to "pain" is only one aspect of SM. (M. Hunt, Sexual Behavior in the 1970s, Chicago: Playboy Press.)
A mid-1970s independent research organization poll funded by Playboy surveyed 3,700 randomly selected students from 20 colleges found that 12% women and 18% of the men had indicated a willingness to try bondage or master-slave role-playing. (Playboy, "What's Really Happening on Campus", October 1976.)
A survey by E. Hariton (1972) found that up to 49% of women fantasize about submissive scenarios during sexual intercourse with 14% doing so frequently. (E. Hariton, "Women's Fantasies During Sexual Intercourse with their Husbands: A Normative Study with Tests of Personality and Theoretical Models'" unpublished doctoral dissertation, City University of New York.)
Paul H. Gebhard, is an anthropologist and was the executive director of the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University from 1956 to 1983. Gebhard noted in Fetishism and Sadomasochism (Dynamics of Deviant Sexuality, 1969, pg. 79.) that "consciously recognized sexual arousal from sadomasochistic stimuli are not rare." The Institute for Sex Research found that one in eight females and one in five males were aroused by sadomasochistic stories.
In 1929, Hamilton's marriage habits survey reported that 28% of men and 29% of women admitted they derived "pleasant thrills" from having some form of "pain" inflicted in them. (G.V. Hamilton, A Research in Marriage, Boni, New York.)
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Golden Ticket?
Well, like I said before this is all about numbers. It seems I may have met a potential submissive who is a good fit for me. Although geography is the bane of my existence, this particular individual seems as committed to this as I am. So, with the beauty of technology (cell phones and Skype) we seem to be making some headway.
A flight has been scheduled and I am looking forward to things going well.
So, please send some good mojo my way.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
P
An article from Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201206/dominant-or-submissive-the-paradox-power-in-sexual-relationships
Dominant or Submissive? The Paradox of Power in Sexual Relationships
In sex, which role—active or passive—would you think offers more control?
The best place to start this discussion is by pointing out that all of us, along with several other mammal species, appear to possess subcortical circuits for sexual dominance as well as submission. One example that we can probably relate to pertains to female dogs, who sometimes mount other females or (for that matter) legs of humans. Such seemingly “perverse” acts are controlled by sexual dominance circuitry. But—and this is what’s crucial—both types of circuits are connected to the brain’s pleasure centers.
Arguing inductively, Ogas and Gaddam state: “Since heterosexual female macaques mount other females, and heterosexual male bonobos allow themselves to be mounted by other males, it’s reasonable to presume that they also feel pleasure from switching over to the other side.” And this is why the authors avoid making hard-and-fast distinctions between dominance and submission—for humans, too, seem capable of shifting from one role to the other. And even though most individuals prefer a single sexual stance, still each role seems to offer its own gratifications. (see pp. 200-201). Going beyond this viewpoint, it’s useful to explore the paradoxical possibility that there can be submission within dominance—and dominance within submission.
Feeling out of control is intimately related to anxiety. So what is there about being submissive that can make it thrilling (as opposed to threatening)? What needs to be stressed here is that since such a one-down sexual role is more or less selected, there can be—at least as imagined— a certain measure of control embedded in the subordinate role. The fact that sexual submission sites for straight males are even more popular than domination sites (though both are quite popular) indicates that flipping to the other side may offer its own satisfactions precisely because it’s such a stark variant.
So, for instance, there’s a large miscellany of male submission sites—from ones devoted to forced feminization (e.g., “Strapped in Silk”), to CFNM (Clothed Female[s], Naked Male); to several flagrantly masochistic sites, such as CBT(which—trust me on this—doesn’t stand for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but something else that ends in the word “torture”). Clearly, in the vast majority of these sites, what’s graphically displayed is role reversal. Here it’s the woman who’s dominant (or the aggressor) and the male who’s portrayed as submissive and sexually exploited or abused. Ogas and Gaddam ask the question as to why a man, “with desire software ... biologically and socially programmed to be dominant,” would enjoy watching porn featuring a submissive male being “degraded or humiliated?” And then come up with the neuroscientific answer that such fans are getting in touch with their female submissive circuitry, also wired to their brains’ reward centers.
I’d note, too, that we might similarly view males and females as embodying “active” and “passive” relationship predilections, such that nurturing the recessive part of their relational beings may at times offer them satisfactions unavailable through enacting their primary circuitry. Add to this the likelihood that men in particular may eventually tire of regularly having to be in control (i.e., dominant), and it’s fairly easy to see why many males would find tantalizing the idea of practicing a new form of control through fantasizing, ironically, the novel pleasures of totally relinquishingcontrol.
As regards gender
and tendencies toward dominance, it’s generally believed that men strive for dominance and control mostly because of their higher testosterone
levels. Surely, it’s significant here that women who are given testosterone supplements not only reveal increased sex
drive, but also more aggressiveness, greater willingness to start fights, and less aversion toward taking risks. But even without such supplementation, many women prefer taking on the typical male role of seducer (vs. seduced).
Ogas and Gaddam’s conclusion? “It’s safe to say that most women have a very complex relationship with their desire to be dominant or submissive, one that is much more problematic than that experienced by men” (p. 204). Moreover, although most women aren't erotically aroused by watching or reading about a male’s sexually abusing a woman, there are yet a substantial number of women who (again, similar to men) find themselves psychologically and physically turned on by such scenes of humiliation
and degradation. And this is doubtless the main reason that rape, even today, remains a popular category of “fan fiction” sites (which center on female arousal).
BDSM and the Sexual Ambiguity of Power
BDSM is the acronym for “Bondage,Discipline
, and Sadomasochism.” Which sounds like a form of sexual expression highlighting the harshness of inflicting and receiving pain. Yet the practice is actually more cooperative and mutually gratifying than the term might imply. For in BDSM the submissive (or “sub”) willingly grants the dominant (or “dom”) power over them, and they do so out of trust and respect. This transferring of control is commonly called “The Gift”—that is, it’s an arrangement—not coercive but consensual. And the “gift” itself is an agreed-upon ”power exchange.”
Most fascinating about this sexual compact is the general recognition that although the sub willingly forfeits his power to the dom, he’s doesn’t really abandon it either. Typically, the sub has at his disposal a “safe word” that when put into play will instantly compel the dom to freeze in his aggressive tracks. So the sub need never fear
being irretrievably forced outside his comfort zone. In Ogas and Gaddam’s deion of such “play,” note how the pressure is actually much more on the dom than the sub: “A good dom pays very close attention to the sub’s experience and determines when a sub may be approaching his or her limits. It takes training and experience to become a good dom—usually by serving as a sub for an established dom” (p. 208). And this last remark may be seen as tying into the fact that besides doms and subs, there are also switches: individuals adept at taking on either role in BDSM scenarios.
What’s perhaps most interesting in all this is the psychological (rather than sexual) relief that many alpha males in socially dominant positions experience in identifying with the submissive role (think bankers, CEO’s, even university deans). Fantasizing themselves as “liberated” from all the responsibilities that go with functioning in dominant professional roles offers them a respite from always having to be in control. And, of course, since they get to choose the fantasy material that most turns them on, they haven’t really given up control in such a way that might produce anxiety. So it’s something like having their (erotically escapist) cake and eating it, too. It’s certainly significant that Ogas and Gaddam emphasize that BDSM play, unlike other sexually ritualistic practices, isn’t generally geared toward inducing orgasm
. Instead, it’s about taking care of a (non-sexual) need—which, I would add, has been fervidly eroticized. You might even call the whole thing an “alpha holiday.”
In non-BDSM, specifically gay porn, the case that could be made for the sub (or bottom’s), having more control in the relationship seems, if anything, even more persuasive. Ogas and Gaddam quote a 24-year-old middle school teacher as reflecting: “The bottom is really in control. He sets the pace, he’s the gatekeeper.” (And, I’d also point out, he at timesinstructs his dominant counterpart what to do to him.) The person just cited also compares such a relationship to what most of us would agree represents a standard heterosexual one, observing: “Think of a woman—she’s the one that ultimately chooses what’s going to happen and what’s not going to happen” (p. 147).
Which takes us to the final section of this post, in which I’ll demonstrate that, at least as dramatized in the genre of women’s romance fiction, women may put themselves in a position to be dominated yet pretty much define the terms of that domination—which eventually places the ascendant hero in a far more submissive role. Or perhaps it might be said that the relationship ends up exemplifying something much closer to the feminine ideal: a truly democratic union.
Women’s Romance Novels: True Love and the Curious Integration of Submission and Dominance in earlier posts (see here
and here
), I discussed the fact that women generally prefer taking the submissive role in relationships. Which is why they typically choose alpha males, who by definition are perpetually dominant. Yet even here ambiguities and paradoxes abound—such that interpersonal roles can subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) get reversed.
Consider Ogas and Gaddam’s citing the famous words of Swiss author Madame de Staël: “The desire of the man is for the woman; the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man” (p. 109). If a large part of a woman’s arousal derives from feeling sexually desired—or even better,irresistible—then we can appreciate the essential plot line of virtually all romance novels, which for decades have been hugely popular. And if this continually repeating fictional fantasy never seems to grow old, it’s because so many female readers seem hard-wired to respond to it.
So the question then arises: Do women experience “relational power” in knowing that they’re erotically cherished and adored—the object of a man’s strongest craving? And is this, finally, akin to Henry Kissinger’s immortal line: “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac”? (i.e., what most turnswomen on is the man’s sexual longing for her). If the male is so enamored of a woman that he’ll do anything to make her his own, if he’s “enslaved” by his boundless passion, then who, after all, is in charge of the relationship? Obviously, however much an alpha he may be, his obsessive desire for her ends up putting her in control of the relationship. Initially, she may have had to surrender to him, but now he’s the one who must capitulate. In fact, her passivity, reserve and submissiveness can be seen as revealing (however unconsciously) a certain sexual cunning. For how can these classically feminine qualities not be seen as ultimately giving her an advantage—a means of finally gaining the relational upper hand?
And this pretty much characterizes the sum and substance of romance fiction. Ogas and Gaddam refer to Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan’sBeyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels(2009), in which its authors affix a label to this power of the heroine to erotically ensnare the man through his overwhelming desire for her. To them, it’s her Magic Hoo Hoo (to me, frankly, not a very felicitous designation). Still, it does capture something of the woman’s surreal ability to transform all that’s lacking in the male, and the relationship, through a certain feminine mystique. It also brings in the gloriously romantic element that earlier had been missing from the story, when the hero could only perceive the heroine as a sex object. But once he’s romantically smitten, his heart (before rather prickly, but now preternaturally softened) is no longer able to view the damsel as sexual prey—which earlier had allowed him to (mis)treat her accordingly.
Now, unequivocally, she’s become his love object. Hopelessly enamored of her, he’s now totally dedicated and committed. Their emotional bond permanently secured by the heroine’s (ugh) Magic Hoo Hoo, relational power shifts to her and (as romance authors describe it) for the good of both of them.
Which takes us right back to a woman’s cardinal evolutionary need to find a male who will never abandon her and can therefore be trusted to protect and provide for whatever children the two of them may bear. So, ironically, although she may still—as an intrinsic feature of her feminine charms—be submissive to him, she’s yet in control of the relationship. Or, it might more accurately be claimed, each of them now has control... but in different ways.
Historically, a great number of romance novels have spotlighted the heroine’s non-consensual, and even degrading, sexual deflowering by the hero. And, according to Ogas and Gaddam, rape was a frequent occurrence in such fiction in the ’70 and ’80s. But there’s nonetheless a certain consent implicit in the female reader’s tacit agreement to vicariously participate in (or surrender to) such a dangerous, threatening, yet terribly exciting, experience. That is, the reader’s involvement in episodes of possibly brutal domination is essentially voluntary, volitional. So, in identifying with the heroine, the "spectator" not only can bask in the experience of being physically irresistible to the hero but—through simultaneously distancing herself from anything that might be too disturbing about the heroine’s deflowering—also maintain sufficient control over the situation.
The formulaic ending of the romantic adventure is that whereas the innocent, submissive heroine may earlier have been sexually deflowered by the alpha hero, now he’s emotionally deflowered by her. Her Magic Hoo Hoo has, after all, both tamed and conquered him, so at last he may become the strong, steady, safe and protective mate of the heroine'sdreams
.
NOTE 1: Here are the titles and links for each segment of this 12-part series:
NOTE 2: If you found this post in some way enlightening (as I very much hope), I trust you’ll consider sharing it with others—so they, too, might garner new insights on the subject.
© 2012 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.
All Rights Reserved.
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An excerpt from Anne Rice's novel "Exit to Eden":
We're eighteen hours away from port. You're not to speak at all unless you're spoken to. And just do as you're told.' There were two other men with him, But I didn't really see them. Instantly, they had swung me around, pinning my hands behind my back. I got a glimpse of a white leather blindfold before it was slipped into place. Secret panic. If only they wouldn't use the damned blindfold. I felt my pants being unsnapped, and the shoesbeing pulled off my feet. It was all beginning, really happening. My cock was immediately hard. But it was hell, absolute hell, not being able to see. I waited for the gag to come but it didn't and as soon as I was stripped, my wrists were being shackled with leather cuffs and lifted over my head. Not too awful. Nothing as awful as being tied up tight. I was led into the corridor, and in spite of all the training I'd had, I was sort of stunned.
But it was like an aphrodisiac had been pumped into me. When they hung my wrists up on a hook above me I was sorry I'd played by the rules all those nights in the cabin when I was alone. I didn't know where I'd been taken, except that for some reason it sounded like a large room. I could feel the presence of others there. I could hear them making small sounds. I could hear a sort of whimpering as though one of the slaves was about to cry. I realized it was a woman slave. So we really were mixed together, males and females, just like they'd said we'd be. I couldn't picture it. And the sound of the woman confused me. Maybe I felt more powerless because I couldn't protect her. Or it tantalized me to know I was suffering silently in the same manner that she was suffering. I just couldn't tell. I hated the blindfold. Couldn't stop hating it.
I rubbed my face against my arm trying to get it off but that was useless. And I had to make myself quit. And it crossed my mind as it would a hundred times that maybe Martin was right and I'd made an awful mistake. Training in Martin's house in San Francisco, what was that? And the brief stays at the country place, scary as they were, what had they been compared to this? But with the strongest, sweetest sensation of relief, I thought: 'It's too late now, Elliott. Can't say, "Let's call it quits now, gang, and all go out for a steak dinner and a couple of beers."' I mean it's over because it's begun. That's the beauty of it. It's for real, as Martin had said. There was this glorious sense suddenly of really being in it for the first time over my head. I'd done this inalterable violence to my own life, and this was exhilaration, this feeling. I wouldn't have gone back then for anything in the world.
The sounds I heard undoubtedly meant that more and more slaves were being brought in. I heard the pat of their bare feet and the click of the heels of the handlers. I heard a groan here and there, the creak of a chain or the chink of the metal of the buckle sliding over the hook. The leather cuffs were tight around my wrists. There were mostly small sighs, moans. Both male and female noises. And it seemed some of these cries came from behind gags. I was sure that some distance away someone, a man, was struggling, and a scolding voice confirmed this immediately, calling him by name and telling him to 'behave'. It was almost cajoling. The 'you know better than that' tone of voice.
The sharp crack of a strap sounded and I heard a loud moan. Then came a real thrashing, sounds so keen they were like fingers stroking my skin. I was trembling. It would be awful to be punished like that for bad behaviour. It wasn't like being humiliated for someone's pleasure, being an exotic champion of pain. No, it was being a failure down here in the hold of the ship, a bad slave. The thrashing seemed to go on forever. Then I heard random cracks of the belt drawing nearer, grunts, groans. I could feel movement around me. And the belt
We're eighteen hours away from port. You're not to speak at all unless you're spoken to. And just do as you're told.' There were two other men with him, But I didn't really see them. Instantly, they had swung me around, pinning my hands behind my back. I got a glimpse of a white leather blindfold before it was slipped into place. Secret panic. If only they wouldn't use the damned blindfold. I felt my pants being unsnapped, and the shoesbeing pulled off my feet. It was all beginning, really happening. My cock was immediately hard. But it was hell, absolute hell, not being able to see. I waited for the gag to come but it didn't and as soon as I was stripped, my wrists were being shackled with leather cuffs and lifted over my head. Not too awful. Nothing as awful as being tied up tight. I was led into the corridor, and in spite of all the training I'd had, I was sort of stunned.
But it was like an aphrodisiac had been pumped into me. When they hung my wrists up on a hook above me I was sorry I'd played by the rules all those nights in the cabin when I was alone. I didn't know where I'd been taken, except that for some reason it sounded like a large room. I could feel the presence of others there. I could hear them making small sounds. I could hear a sort of whimpering as though one of the slaves was about to cry. I realized it was a woman slave. So we really were mixed together, males and females, just like they'd said we'd be. I couldn't picture it. And the sound of the woman confused me. Maybe I felt more powerless because I couldn't protect her. Or it tantalized me to know I was suffering silently in the same manner that she was suffering. I just couldn't tell. I hated the blindfold. Couldn't stop hating it.
I rubbed my face against my arm trying to get it off but that was useless. And I had to make myself quit. And it crossed my mind as it would a hundred times that maybe Martin was right and I'd made an awful mistake. Training in Martin's house in San Francisco, what was that? And the brief stays at the country place, scary as they were, what had they been compared to this? But with the strongest, sweetest sensation of relief, I thought: 'It's too late now, Elliott. Can't say, "Let's call it quits now, gang, and all go out for a steak dinner and a couple of beers."' I mean it's over because it's begun. That's the beauty of it. It's for real, as Martin had said. There was this glorious sense suddenly of really being in it for the first time over my head. I'd done this inalterable violence to my own life, and this was exhilaration, this feeling. I wouldn't have gone back then for anything in the world.
The sounds I heard undoubtedly meant that more and more slaves were being brought in. I heard the pat of their bare feet and the click of the heels of the handlers. I heard a groan here and there, the creak of a chain or the chink of the metal of the buckle sliding over the hook. The leather cuffs were tight around my wrists. There were mostly small sighs, moans. Both male and female noises. And it seemed some of these cries came from behind gags. I was sure that some distance away someone, a man, was struggling, and a scolding voice confirmed this immediately, calling him by name and telling him to 'behave'. It was almost cajoling. The 'you know better than that' tone of voice.
The sharp crack of a strap sounded and I heard a loud moan. Then came a real thrashing, sounds so keen they were like fingers stroking my skin. I was trembling. It would be awful to be punished like that for bad behaviour. It wasn't like being humiliated for someone's pleasure, being an exotic champion of pain. No, it was being a failure down here in the hold of the ship, a bad slave. The thrashing seemed to go on forever. Then I heard random cracks of the belt drawing nearer, grunts, groans. I could feel movement around me. And the belt
We're eighteen hours away from port. You're not to speak at all unless you're spoken to. And just do as you're told.' There were two other men with him, But I didn't really see them. Instantly, they had swung me around, pinning my hands behind my back. I got a glimpse of a white leather blindfold before it was slipped into place. Secret panic. If only they wouldn't use the damned blindfold. I felt my pants being unsnapped, and the shoesbeing pulled off my feet. It was all beginning, really happening. My cock was immediately hard. But it was hell, absolute hell, not being able to see. I waited for the gag to come but it didn't and as soon as I was stripped, my wrists were being shackled with leather cuffs and lifted over my head. Not too awful. Nothing as awful as being tied up tight. I was led into the corridor, and in spite of all the training I'd had, I was sort of stunned.
But it was like an aphrodisiac had been pumped into me. When they hung my wrists up on a hook above me I was sorry I'd played by the rules all those nights in the cabin when I was alone. I didn't know where I'd been taken, except that for some reason it sounded like a large room. I could feel the presence of others there. I could hear them making small sounds. I could hear a sort of whimpering as though one of the slaves was about to cry. I realized it was a woman slave. So we really were mixed together, males and females, just like they'd said we'd be. I couldn't picture it. And the sound of the woman confused me. Maybe I felt more powerless because I couldn't protect her. Or it tantalized me to know I was suffering silently in the same manner that she was suffering. I just couldn't tell. I hated the blindfold. Couldn't stop hating it.
I rubbed my face against my arm trying to get it off but that was useless. And I had to make myself quit. And it crossed my mind as it would a hundred times that maybe Martin was right and I'd made an awful mistake. Training in Martin's house in San Francisco, what was that? And the brief stays at the country place, scary as they were, what had they been compared to this? But with the strongest, sweetest sensation of relief, I thought: 'It's too late now, Elliott. Can't say, "Let's call it quits now, gang, and all go out for a steak dinner and a couple of beers."' I mean it's over because it's begun. That's the beauty of it. It's for real, as Martin had said. There was this glorious sense suddenly of really being in it for the first time over my head. I'd done this inalterable violence to my own life, and this was exhilaration, this feeling. I wouldn't have gone back then for anything in the world.
The sounds I heard undoubtedly meant that more and more slaves were being brought in. I heard the pat of their bare feet and the click of the heels of the handlers. I heard a groan here and there, the creak of a chain or the chink of the metal of the buckle sliding over the hook. The leather cuffs were tight around my wrists. There were mostly small sighs, moans. Both male and female noises. And it seemed some of these cries came from behind gags. I was sure that some distance away someone, a man, was struggling, and a scolding voice confirmed this immediately, calling him by name and telling him to 'behave'. It was almost cajoling. The 'you know better than that' tone of voice.
The sharp crack of a strap sounded and I heard a loud moan. Then came a real thrashing, sounds so keen they were like fingers stroking my skin. I was trembling. It would be awful to be punished like that for bad behaviour. It wasn't like being humiliated for someone's pleasure, being an exotic champion of pain. No, it was being a failure down here in the hold of the ship, a bad slave. The thrashing seemed to go on forever. Then I heard random cracks of the belt drawing nearer, grunts, groans. I could feel movement around me. And the belt caught me on the thighs and then on the butt, but I stood very still and didn't make a sound.
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THE FRUSTRATION OF EMAILS
Well, I have received quite a few emails and and the following email was sent to me.
From: xxxxxxx
Dated: 11/22/14 11:26 PM
*** The sender of this message has triggered our bulk content filter and has been prevented from sending additional messages at this time. We place these limits on our messaging system to prevent abuse and maintain the quality of our online community. You should not conclude that this user is fake or illegitimate merely because they have triggered the filter. ***
I also received this friendly email:
From: xxxxxxx
Note: 11/26/14 10:07 AM
Fucking fake
I don't understand people who use this (and/or other sites) without any intention of real time communication resulting in a potential relationship. Catfishing or boredom, I am stunned at the sheer volume of emails I receive where the individual has not read my profile and either asks me advice, random questions, or tells me I am fake because I don't respond to their empty or ridiculous email.
I highly suggest investing time to articulate yourself in your profile, with at the very least an introduction as well as what it is you seek. My perception is a person who invests time with their profile as well as a thoughtful email, this person means business. A few times I have been wrong, but typically they earnestly seem sincere about finding a partner. It mystifies me as to why I receive some of the emails that I do, but I wish all other people on the site success in finding the person who will be a good fit.
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Forget "50 Shades of Grey", Anne Rice's (A.N. Roquelaure) "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" is the trilogy to read.
(Below an excerpt from Chapter 5)
Beauty looked to the other side of the hall as best she could through the shifting figures about her, and there, on another high ledge, in the ghastly shadow-light of the fire, stood a row of naked young men, all of them in the same position.
Their heads were bowed, their hands behind their necks, and they were all of them very handsome to look at, as beautiful each in his own way as the young women on the other side, but their great difference lay in their sex, for their organs were erect and hard to a one, and Beauty could not take her eyes off this sight, for they appeared to her even more vulnerable and subservient.
She knew she had made a little noise again, because she felt the Lord's finger on her lips, and she sensed almost from the air itself that she was now being left by the Lords and Ladies.
Only one pair of hands remained and these she felt touching the tenderest flesh around her anus. She was so frightened by this -- for almost no one else had touched her there -- that involuntarily she struggled again, only to have the gray-eyed Lord stroke her face again gently.
There was a great commotion in the room. Beauty could just catch the aroma of cooking food, and dishes being brought in, and now she saw that most of the Lords and Ladies were seated at the tables, and there was much talking and lifting of cups, and somewhere a group of musicians had begun to play a low rhythmic music. It was full of horns and tambourines and the strumming of thick strings, and Beauty saw that the long file of naked men and women on either side was moving.
"But what are they?" she wanted to ask. "To what purpose?" But now she saw the first of them appear amid the crowd, carrying silver pitchers with which they filled the goblets at the table, always bowing when they passed the Queen and the Prince, and she watched them, forgetting herself for the moment, with great absorption.
The young men had softly curly hair, cut at the shoulders and neatly combed so that it framed their lean faces. And never did they raise their eyes, though some seemed to move in obvious discomfort from the hardness of their penises. How she could tell this discomfort, she was not sure; it was their manner, a manner of bearing tension and desire, with no expression for it.
And as she saw the first of the long-haired girls bending over the table with her pitcher, she wondered if she too felt this same softly agonizing pleasure. Beauty felt it now just looking at these slaves, and she felt a quiet relief that for a moment she herself was unobserved.
Or so she thought.
Because she could sense a restlessness in the room. Some were rising and walking about, perhaps even dancing to the music. She could not be sure. And others had gone to gather near the Queen, their goblets in hand, regaling the Prince it seemed with stories.
The Prince.
She caught a clear glimpse of him and he smiled at her. How regal he looked, his black hair glossy and full, his long, shining white boots stretched out on the blue carpet before him. He was nodding and smiling to those who addressed him, but now and then his eyes moved to Beauty.
But there was so much to see, and now she felt someone was very near her, and touching her again, and she realized that a line of dancers was just forming to one side of her.
There was a reckless air to things. Much wine was being poured. There were great eruptions of laughter.
And then, quite suddenly, she saw far to her left a young naked boy drop his pitcher of wine, and the red liquid run out on the floor as the others hastened to clean it.
At once the Lord at Beauty's side clapped his hands, and Beauty saw three exquisitely dressed Pages, no older than the naked boys themselves, rush forward and seize the boy and hold him up quickly by his ankles.
This brought a loud round of applause from those Lords and Ladies nearest the boy, and at once a paddle was produced, a very beautiful piece of gold enameling and white tracery, and the offender was smartly spanked while all looked on with the greatest fascination.
Beauty felt a fluttering in her heart. If she were to be humiliated like that, punished so immediately and ignominiously for clumsiness, she didn't know how she could bear it. To be displayed was one thing; here she had some grace.
But she could not endure the thought of being held by her ankles as the boy was. She could see only his back, and the paddle flashing down again and again on his reddening buttocks. He held his hands obediently on the back of his neck, and as he was let down on his hands and knees, the young Page with the paddle drove him quickly with a series of loud blows towards the Queen, where the young culprit, his buttocks very red, bowed his head and kissed the Queen's slipper.
The Queen had been in fast conversation with the Prince. She was a mature woman, very full blown but it was from her, obviously, that the Prince had gotten his beauty. She turned, almost indifferently, her eyes darting back to the Prince, and motioning for the young slave to rise a little, she brushed back his hair affectionately.
But then in the same indifferent manner, never withdrawing herself from the Prince, she made a motion to the Page, with a quick frown, that the boy was again to be punished.
The Lords and Ladies nearest applauded with mock scolding gestures, and then obviously enjoyed it very much as the Page put his foot on the second step of the dais before the throne, and hoisted the disobedient slave up over his knee and again, in full view of everyone, soundly spanked him.
A long row of dancers obscured the view for a moment, but again and again Beauty caught glimpses of the unfortunate boy, and she could see that as the paddle came down, he was having a more and more difficult time bearing it. He struggled just a little in spite of himself, and it was also quite obvious that the Page who delivered the paddling was very much enjoying it. His young face was flushed, and he was biting his lip slightly, and he drove the paddle down unnecessarily hard it seemed, and Beauty felt she hated him.
She could hear the Lord besides her laughing. There was a little loose crowd about her now, men and women drinking, talking idly. The dancers moved in a long chain, performing their fluid graceful movements.
"So you see you aren't the only helpless little creature in this world," said the gray-eyed Lord, "and does it soothe you to see the Tribute that belongs to your Sovereigns? You are the first Tribute for the Prince and I think that you shall have to set a fierce example. The young slave you saw, Prince Alexi, is very much a favorite of the Queen or he wouldn't be dealt with so lightly."
Beauty saw that the paddling had stopped. Once again, the slave was on his hands and knees and kissing the feet of the Queen as the Page waited in attendance.
Now the slave's buttocks were very red. "Prince Alexi," Beauty thought. It was a lovely name, and he too was of royal blood and high birth. Why, of course, all of them were. It was a delightful thought. What if they had not been, and she were the only Princess?
She stared at his buttocks. There were obvious welts on them and little patches that seemed much redder than the rest, and as the young slave Prince kissed the Queen's feet, Beauty could see also his scrotum between his legs, dark, hairy and mysterious.
It struck her how dreadfully vulnerable he seemed, being a boy, in ways she had never considered.
But he had been released or forgiven. He rose to his feet, and brushed his auburn curly hair out of his eyes and back from his cheek, and she saw his face stained with tears, and reddened too; yet he had about him a marvelous dignity.
He took the pitcher handed him without complaint and gracefully he moved among the standing guests, filling their goblets.
He was only a few paces from Beauty, and drawing ever closer. And she could hear how the men and women teased him.
"Another paddling and you are so wretchedly clumsy," said a very tall blond-haired Lady in a long green gown, with diamonds on her fingers, and she pinched his red cheek, as, with his eyes down, he smiled.
His penis was hard and erect as before, rising up thick and motionless from a nest of dark curly hair between his legs. Beauty could not stop herself from looking at it.
As he came nearer, she held her breath.
"Come here, Prince Alexi," said the Lord with the gray eyes. He snapped his fingers. And then taking a white handkerchief, he had the boy moisten it with the wine.
The boy was so near now Beauty might have touched him. And the Lord took the moistened handkerchief and pressed it to Beauty's lips. It felt good and cool and tantalizing.
But she could not help but look up at the obedient boy Prince who stood waiting, and she saw him looking at her.
And though his face was still slightly pink, and there were tears on his cheeks, he smiled at her. |
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SOME LEVITY
I looked at her lying there on the bed. She was, of course totally silent. Its not her nature to talk, but in any case, I had trained her never to make a sound. And she was very good at it I could do exactly as I wished with her body, causing her pain that would make any other woman scream aloud, begging for mercy. But not her not a single word. She would just look at me with her eyes wide open, out of terror or sometimes trust, and I would do exactly what I wanted.
Sometimes it would be pretty straight vanilla sex, at other times; Id twist her arm up very high behind her back, and whisper obscenities into her ear. At other times Id put nipple clamps on her, very very tightly much tighter with her than Id ever been able to do it with anyone else. Id take clothespins and place them all over her body down her legs, her face, breasts, between her legs at her sex; them pull them off slowly or quickly, depending on my mood. And my slave would just lie there, allowing myself exactly which ever way I wanted to.
I lay down next to her in the bed, turning her face towards me. Ive taught her to only look directly at the ceiling when shes lying on the bed you see. She goes so deeply in submission that I have to grab her by the hair and physically twist her head to look in her eyes, if Im lying next to her, rather than on top of her. I stroke her body slowly, enjoying the sensation, and then I took one nipple between my thumb and forefinger, and twisted it viciously. Her body arched, but good little slave that she was, she managed to remain silent. I whispered in her ear, Ive got a surprise for my little slave…abs shes not going to enjoy it…I got up from the bed, and unwrapped my new purchase. It was a very large dildoeven I wasnt sure she would be able to take it all, but I was determined to try. I knelt between her legs, looking up at her, and waved the dildo, so she could see it. Her eyes were wide open as she looked…I wondered what terrified thoughts were going through her mind; but quite frankly, the thought lasted only a moment, since I wasnt really concerned about how she felt.
I held her down firmly with one hand pressed hard against her thigh, then brutally rammed the dildo up into her sex. Her body arched upwards, but good little slave that she was, she made no sound only her body gave me any indication that she was struggling to accommodate the dildo. I looked down, between her legs, and saw that she was stretched very widely; I was amazed that she managed it but of course, I wasnt about to tell her this this session, as all sessions with her, was just for my pleasure. I left the dildo in place and walked around the room, looking at her lying there, with this monstrous toy pushed up deeply into her, and I marveled that after the initial movements of her body as I pushed it in, she didn't move.
I lit a cigarette; I was very excited by this time, and I wanted to torment her some more. I sat at the edge of the bed, and caught her attention by waving the cigarette close to her face…and then a thought struck me….I leaned closer to her and whispered, Ever wondered what it would be like to feel a cigarette burned against you, slut? Ever thought how painful it would be? I was getting highly aroused by this Id never thought of it before, but now I had…well, the though was there and I had to try it. I yanked the dildo out of her and pulled her into a sitting position, so I could better watch. Her eyes never left the cigarette and I held it close to her body..stroking it over her breasts (though not that close I didnt want to spoil the moment), over her arms, and down over her legs. Finally, I held it really close to her clit and looked up at her her mouth was wide open in a wide O of fear… and decided that now was the prefect time….I shouted, Suffer, bitch! and ground the cigarette up against her clit and she finally let out a gasp, a sound, and then I looked up, aghast at what Id done. Id finally gone too far, God help me…Id pushed her further than Id ever done before and had truly found her limits.
I rose then slowly crossed the room turning when I reached the far wall. Finally I lifted my eyes looking at her from this distant perspective for long moments, then I shrugged…she was only a cheap little whore. I was pretty sure I could find another one. But then the realization played heavy on my mind as an awful thought occurred to me, Where the HELL was I going to be able to buy another blow up doll at this fucking time of night?! |
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There are two kinds of strengths:
the strength to lead,
and the strength to follow;
the strength to control,
and the strength to yield.
There are two kinds of power:
the power to strip away another's soul bare,
and the power to stand naked.
-Yaldah Tova |
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Anais Nin:
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
vmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvmvm
words are taken from a poem I found by David Stein. What insight this is to the role of a submissive:
slavery is not about suffering . . .
. . . slavery is about service.
slavery is not about humiliation . . .
. . . slavery is about humility.
slavery is not about pain . . .
. . . slavery is about being present.
slavery is not about being used . . .
. . . slavery is about being of use.
slavery is not about control . . .
. . . slavery is about letting go.
slavery is not about your desires . . .
. . . slavery is about giving to others.
slavery is not about abuse . . .
. . . slavery is about acceptance.
slavery is not about proving anything . . .
. . . slavery is about being real.
slavery is not about contempt . . .
. . . slavery is about respect.
slavery is not about how you look . . .
. . . slavery is about the size of your heart.
slavery is not about denying yourself . . .
. . . slavery is about being open.
slavery is not about bondage . . .
. . . slavery is about freeing your spirit.
slavery is not about punishment . . .
. . . slavery is about discipline.
slavery is not about being unable to escape . . .
. . . slavery is about being committed.
slavery is not about submission . . .
. . . slavery is about obedience.
slavery is not about fear . . .
. . . slavery is about trust.
slavery is not about sex . . .
. . . slave |
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ABOUT ME AND WHAT IT IS I SEEK
I am ultimately seeking a single submissive for a long term loving relationship. I am seeking a submissive that has a deep love and respect for power exchange. One that consists of both vanilla and D/s. While I am primarily concerned with the psychology of the power exchange, I also love the physical trappings too.
The backbone of this relationship, as with any relationship, is a strong bond of trust, understanding and communication. I want a submissive who is genuine in his desire to become the sub that he truly is inside. I'm not here for drama or game playing. Honesty is very important to me as well as a strong desire to serve. If you are not genuine and honest in your communication with me, then I will lose all interest in getting to know you further.
Sincerity is of paramount importance. I must have a submissive who can let go and have his boundaries pushed.
If this interests you, submit a letter telling me about yourself. |
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Although my profile is new, I have been on this site before. Yes, I am "real", and it has been my experience that profiles seems to have a certain expiration period. After searching on this site for a long time, in my opinion, people get used to seeing the same profile picture. As a result, I tried uploading new profile photos in hopes something new would resonate with a potential partner and result in possible success. I also tweaked my profile, providing an introduction of myself, my experience as well as what it is I seek in a submissive.
So, after a little over a year, I decided a new profile is something to try so I may have success in finding my submissive. The last few days I have been inundated with emails, and sad to say so many angry cynical people responding. One individual assumed this was my first rodeo and actually became quite hostile when I simply stated that this is all about statistics. It is simply a numbers game. Considering only 5% of the population --- of the entire world--- is of the same interest as myself as far as wanting a 24/7 D/s relationship, the chance of finding a partner who is congruent with my "kink" and local is exceptionally rare.
So, I search for a partner knowing I have to consider a global search, age disparity, as well as the vanilla a aspects, such as interests, education, employment, and of course, physical attraction. The result is finding a partner with all the important aspects of a partner make it exceedingly rare to find "mine" unless I am willing to take all these things into consideration and also be willing to have some flexibility.
With this being said, I would highly suggest to all people on this site, to articulate yourself in a thoughtful introduction on your profile. It is a small investment in time and this allows people such as myself to review your information and get an idea about you, your experience, interests and what you are seeking for in a partner. The number of one liner emails I receive from people with a very brief or empty profile is startling to me. I am serious about finding my submissive. I try to give the pertinent information about myself in my profile as well as attempting to be as responsive as time allows when people contact me. I am not rude when I respond to the one liner emails, or emails from people with no profile. If you have not invested the time to express yourself in your email to me as well as your profile, I interpret this as a lack on sincerity as far as your interest in truly finding a partner. I don't have time to email back and forth to assess all these things to ascertain whether we may be a good fit or not.
So, this is the end of my community service announcement. And for the fellow who was so certain I was clueless about this whole process, I do wish you success in your search. |
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I am intrigued with the idea of bonding with my submissive through breastfeeding. The notion of my submissive being reliant on me to the degree of him sustaining life through me has peeked my curiosity. Age play is not something I have an interest in, and ANR wouldn't necessarily fit into what I am thinking as far as the dynamic of dominant and submissive that I have in my mind.
The reason I would want to potentially incorporate this in my relationship would be for my submissive to need me to a depth beyond the typical dynamic. |
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“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
― Anaïs Nin
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“When does real love begin?
At first it was a fire, eclipses, short circuits, lightning and fireworks; the incense, hammocks, drugs, wines, perfumes; then spasm and honey, fever, fatigue, warmth, currents of liquid fire, feast and orgies; then dreams, visions, candlelight, flowers, pictures; then images out of the past, fairy tales, stories, then pages out of a book, a poem; then laughter, then chastity.
At what moment does the knife wound sink so deep that the flesh begins to weep with love?
At first power, power, then the wound, and love, and love and fears, and the loss of the self, and the gift, and slavery. At first I ruled, loved less; then more, then slavery. Slavery to his image, his odor, the craving, the hunger, the thirst, the obsession.”
― Anaïs Nin
, Fire: From �A Journal of Love� The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934-1938
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| Age: 35 |
| Pope,
Mississippi |
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