hmmm...  noting a journal entry of 7th yet unchanged or modified...  praps another reading called 4?  try jason goodwin's "lords of the horizons" pp60ff on ottoman "slavery" -- summed up by "far from carrying a stigma, the proudest boast of an ottoman was that he was a slave of the sultan" -- governors of provinces, administrators, ambassadors, judges -- all "kul" trained "slaves" to the imperium...  a girl should be so lucky... *s*

NEWS FLASH!

Thanking a nice individual for the alert, and posting this for informational purposes, the totally cretinous, MORON! referring to itself as "strgdom" in "Hendersonville" has lifted MY profile in the infantile cut-and-paste manner, posting it as "his" own.

Collarme's been alerted and it will be up to them to determine how to deal with this DMCA infringement.  I am taking it to those in H-ville and the rest of NC to know about this poseur and obviously deranged individual.  'Nuff said!  KIHARA

Hmmm. Returned to a lesson in missyinformed astrology: it' really the fat bald guy who's the goat and the fat blond female who's cancerous.  After a long hiatus the female variously known as "missy" & "fucbunny" & "mischevious1" & "wickedshy" has come back online to insist on its submissive devotion.  'Ware guys, this one will pledge all sorts of loyalty...to every guy met.  *lol*

Oh, this is good.  Just have to share.  After reading w/dismay and disgust that "master" who has a collard slave, I now have to wonder at the "submissive" who claims to love being a "canned sult"!  Forget about good taste.  (Or even tasting good!)  But doesn't this violate all kinds of FDA rules and regs?  *roflmao*

I often wonder why it is that so many women, craving attention, log on this & other sites demanding to be paid attention to because they are "submissive" even when lacking any evidence of required taste, desires, purpose or skills that would value them in the eyes of a dominant.  Sad.

On books.  Those 2 wondrous bondage books by Douglas Kent arrived!  (After waay much waiting.)  So, now I'm in MY happy place!  *s*

http://www.completeshibari.com

Lesson to be learned.  Do not buy books as gifts for any person who thinks People magazine constitutes literature.   *rofl*

Oh wow!  Stop ME if you've heard this one.  From another moronic profile.  Age 19.  And I quote: "I have been in the lifestyle for 5 years now."

And here's yet another.  I read this profile this morning:  "I am a Master, trained by a Master" (so...  already a dickwad!) who "is married to his collard wife."

Collard?  Really???  She's green?  Or a mental vegetable?

Either way it's too pathetic to weep for, and too tragic to laugh at.

Makes ME think it's time to go strictly vanilla.

Things are -- looking up -- appearing for first time in too long a time to be going a bit more MY way.  Meeting new people and finding new enjoyment in pleasures old -- and new!

I guess I had not realised how stunted things had become and that I had been trying too hard to make the improbable work.  Now I know how a caged animal feels when discovering the door's been left open!  Time to run free and roll in the grass...  And then to hunt.   *veg*

Yay!  Needles arrived today - now have colors needed for doing May Flowers.

(Doesn't really signify right now -- have committed to doing an "all wood" topping at our regional dungeon -- so many bottoms, so little time!  *rofl*)

Meanwhile, find I've lost an essential part of MY old graduation regalia for another kinky event -- went online this morning to reclaim same -- and find it'll be $130!  WTF?!!

After all this it simply doesn't help to think about all the driving this weekend involves; why, OH WHY, doesn't Charlotte have any sort of real bash activities?  It's not as if there weren't enough kinky people within a stone's throw of the downtown.

(I'm excepting, of coarse, of course, those posers and pretenders who prance about proclaiming their clueless identification with Dominant or submissive.  Ghods know we've plenty of those.)

WTF IS IT W/FEMALE "DOMINANTS" LATELY?!!

Just looked at that "Who's Viewing Me" thingy & just erased 11 "dominants" from that section.  Does this profile read in any loud way as it's writer being in some even "switch" way a male subbie?  Can any of you fembots READ???

It's been a nice holiday.  Although I just learned that the same little tart that trashed MY things and caused ME to change phone numbers is now telling everyone how "bitter" it feels.  Vell la-di-dah an' vhoopee-do.  Sounds like it's more psychotic than even I'd figured.  Get a real life girl!

Rant for the day...
Who's the jackass sysop here on collarme.com who continues to allow "professionals" on this site???  Honestly, if I get just one more "Califonia Nudist" on MY admirer's list I will track and back orifice that computer to Hell.  STAY OFF MY PROFILE!  (I have nothing against "woiking goils" but I hardly want, need, or encourage such attentions.)  Stick to the truly needy, goils!

What a weekend. Domme co-anchor and subbie topped for bestest of times.  And finished last night by celebrating with a fondue and white wine headache, whoo-hoo!  Topped off even later with lazy post midnight repeat of "Road House" -- had forgotten how totally ripped that short-assed, chronically hyper lil git was in his prime.  RIP, Pat!

Food for thought.  If it's never presentable in public, by what stretch of imagination could it aspire to be acceptable in private?

Ended up doing 4 courses. A potato soup. And Hungarian potato soup is the same as the German: it contains EVERYTHING! Carrots, celery, onions, bacon bits & chicken stock. Oh yeah...and potatoes. A greens salad with red onion and sugared vinegar dressing. For that main course, thought about stuffed cabbage. In Finland it's done with pork and rice. In Poland with tomato sauce. In Hungary it's done with beef, but needs to be marinated a day or so. Scratch that. Instead, it's Erdélyi fatanyéros! In Finland this would be karjalan paisti, and is the same mixed grill of beef, pork and veal, with a separately cooked chunk of bacon, served up with egg noodles in a blue cheese sauce with poppy seeds.

Long rant.
But...this is MY rant for ME, go get your own! *lol*

Hmmm...

I've never liked the idea of "new beginnings" due simply by the arrival of a New Year; it's a convention, not a portent. This transition though, from 2008 to 2009, seems strangely "arranged" for the idea of a new beginning for ME. This passing year has certainly been about change, from the political to the private, and I think that perhaps such change is good, and might be all the better for becoming a sweeping reformation. Certainly it was a year for pounding the sensibilities and leaving ME wondering how I could have made so many bad choices.

2008 began well. I was with someone I cherished. Discovered that living around small children, and the idea of domestication, could even be attractive. Within these last 6 months it became clear that the partner who had insisted I not lower MY expectations showed less interest in evolving to her own deserved potential, becoming less and less MY hoped-for, professionally, domestically, socially, until finally stooping to dictating "conditions" for continuing our staying together. Instead of hearing "physical" excuses of not meeting expectations it was clear there were more mental and emotional issues not being adequately dealt with. Bi-polar symptoms dismissed as physical ailments. Current problems blamed on unlikely childhood incidents. Even a stab at a professional intervention that appeared promising was ended with a flippant "I don't like her any more" and the suggestion of meeting with another shrink soundly rebuffed.

At that point I realised that instead of concentrating on MY 2008 resolutions I'd spent all MY time responding to another's constant demands for affirmation. I allowed MY self to become a crutch for an emotional cripple and after a reading of Kramer's Should You Leave? made the decision to walk away from what was evidently pointless. It was MY fault. I have a strict no-second-chances rule and she'd strayed before. So what's left are memories of those "good" times for ME and a really astounding increased capacity for sensual pain on hers. (Although that's not talent so much as good training; any laboratory rat could do as well.)

There followed a silly interlude with an absolute psychotic. She's cute, but really messed up. (Not to mention wholly indiscreet. Fama nihil est celerius. I will always remember the moment, sitting in MY dentist's waiting room, when her father phones ME on the mobile to ask what MY intentions were. Huh??? Well -- daddy -- it's like this, I want to tie up your daughter, paddle her ass and fuck her. How DOES anyone put that delicately? The twist in question is undeniably attractive, but it's all very superficial: in 4-5 years nobody will look twice.

And then I made the mistake of rebounding badly, even experienced enough NOT to rebound. Very nice play partner with the most infectious smile I've ever encountered. She made ME feel good, like a great massage after coming out of a sauna. Too quickly I also found her to be the most credulous, most gullible individual I'd ever encountered. She's content to deny who she could talk to, touch (and taste!) in favour of the hearsay of others. (Wonder if she's a flat-earther?)

The admission that I could make so many bad choices is depressing. On the flip side, at least I'm not becoming that "new master and protector, to whom i will show total and everlasting love and obedience" to that local little dungeon mascot. I've lost count as to whether that's year's number 3 or 4.

Wow. Just writing all this has ME realising how full of bile I've become. So it's good venting. Get it all out, seal up what's left, and move on to what's better.

On the other than strictly personal, there WERE good things in 2008. Rediscovered a sense of the ridiculous. (Just returned to find the silliest example of "mind fuck" ever, less scene and more to the taste of a 9 years old on April 1.) I finished a total rebuild on MY sister's house that kept ME in thrall for more than a year. I accepted a new job. (With likely relocation. Jury is still waaay out on THAT one.) Health remains good, and the annual bloodwork shows sugar levels mildly high but controlled...AND have just this past week found a newly-opened gym to attend come the new year. Lost four friends and made some new ones. Renewed correspondence with MY old college professor and got invite to visit him and his family at his new retirement home in Porvoo. Spent Yuletide in Florida with relatives and renewed old acquaintences, even attended a bdsm photo exhibition in Naples. (Should have brought MY pictures. Photo of lelu won an appreciation award years ago!) Ended December, if not wildly euphoric then quietly satisfied, more at peace with this very private persona than I can remember being in a veeery long time.

And so on to looking at a New Year where resolutions might actually resolve into actual circumstance. Resolve to reserve time for ME. Resolve to spend as much time downloading and reading as many books off the Gutenburg Project as I can. (Except for those math subjects in "data" as they actually "read" themselves. How KEWL is that?!) Travel is part of the new job and I like that. 2008 hit MY finances like a freight train and lots of effort will go to having that black column again in 2009. Having taken up this past year some real woodworking I find it surprisingly hard to stop. I've been researching a bio on Petty (that's W, not T!) for years and promise that THIS year it gets finished! Did I just write about travel? Yes, this 2009 am looking forward to a real vacation and a real travel destination, rather than just going to-and-fro those places I have to be. And yeah, maybe that means learning a 4th language. This new year will be shaped as I see fit. Why settle for less than I desire or "compromise" down to the lowest common denominator? And, despite becoming increasingly disappointed at the efficacy of online searches for suitable partners, I am chatting now with several really attractive people. (Only wish such might be more immediately LOCAL!)

And there will be so many new opportunities for play. The last quarter of '08 appears to have been a good one for establishing new lifestyle orgs and fetish groups. I'm DEFINITELY going to the annual Vicious Valentine's Bash in Florida come February!

Nul ne sait de quoi le monde sera fait une fois passé le tournant de la route.

Well, the day did START nicely, then made usual mistake of taking another's stated intent as such.     Silly ME!     On entirely other note, know how there're odd times when a pop song can't be driven from one's head no matter how one tries?     Today's number was Alice C's "Poison" and wonder where THAT came from since am hardly a fan.     (Probably indicates some weird inner angst for the shrinks; thank the netghods it wasn't anything like Iggy's "Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell!)