I was recently told by an asswipe that I 'take myself too seriously'! HA! What he should have said, "Why don't you take my whiny ass as seriously as you take yourself?!?" 

Stupid boys. Seriously. Stupid.

Never fuck with me if you are local...hell, even if you are in Texas and want to attend events in any major city!

I will never get mad, but I can easily get even...I know damn near everyone...and they already LIKE ME...

so goofy. show your age and your ass all at one microdick.

M

I laugh at the ones who try to bait me into being rude to them. Seriously, take your weak minded bullshit to someone who will humiliate you for free. Now get off the porch! NO TEA! NO SHADE FOR YOU!

Oh and what the fuck is with you CD's who shoot images of yourselves in girlie panties with the head of your cock peeking out? do you think that is sexy or something???? Seriously, no need to answer. This is NOT a serious inquiry but more of a mental moment of WTF.

Ladepilatrix is HOT

Also there is one promise I can make to any of you ~

I promise I would NEVER dress you as a girl. I have NO PERSONAL INTEREST in cross dressing straight males, unless they are good enough to be on RuPaul's anything.

hahahaha if you have been bitching for two years that none of the ladies on here are real -- go someplace else. Also have you pondered that the REAL ones are the ones you keep bitching about like a whiny little girl with her panties wadded too far up her ass that won't reply to YOU....hahahahahahaha

God you creatures who don't get it make me laugh. Take your 'real dom' attitude and replace those panties with it!

this site generally makes me go EWWWWWWWWWWW. I don't know why I still bother to check it. Oh yeah, I remember now -- amusement. Totally lacking at this moment. FAIL COLLAR ME FAIL

"natural Dominant" - WTF?!? Are there any unnatural ones?

That phrase makes you sound like an idiot. Just so you know.

Also the whole phrase, "Only contact me if you are real", sounds stupid too.

imaginary friends not needed?!?! 

Get real. M

Y'all crack me up -

A. What is so appealing about my profile that you all find so 'interesting'? I keep it blank for a reason. JUST TO BUST THE BULLSHITTERS WHO TRY TO OPEN WITH THIS LAME ASS LIE THAT ALWAYS MEANS YOU MORE THAN LIKELY ONLY LOOKED AT MY PICTURES - ya morons!

B. Why do so many of you feel that my ~write and see what happens~ is a challenge. It's vague for a reason, but it is not a dare or anything. Doofuses!

C. Sometimes I reply nicely. Sometimes I am a bitch. Your response will be directly effected by what YOU wrote me.

D. One more time about CHAT - ain't ever going to happen. 

Super cute - Veritasxxaequita

dMo - your art is kick ass. too bad about that whole Dom situation!

So many cute boys in my normal age range for hunting checkin' me out....hahaha too bad I already found the best one...

Oh and to the men over 35 -- I know I am going to be 45 in December, but I would never give you a chance in real time...not as a 'personal pet'...only as a client...I don't want or need a man older then myself. What's the fun in that??

CaliforniaSub01 gets total props! Tooooo cute firemen are a nice way to wake up....hahaha!

I always check the 'who's viewing me'. It never surprises me to see subs or switches, but again why so many male dominants? Ohhhhhh wank fodder....for a moment I forgot what site I am on...too bad most of my images are of me with my pet. hahahaha...

Sometimes I am nice....sometimes I am snarky...sometimes...too bad predicting when the nice moments vs the snarky ones happen is impossible...so write at your own risk, M

Wow. Really? Why maledoms? Why? I have not had an interest in one of those in years and regret every moment I was married to one....

brain explosion from the stupidity in 3...2...1

Sideways images of your old naked man boobs do NOT make them look any younger...bonehead.

This site never changes. From time to time I get notes from people who know me from the scene. They are the reason I pop in here....

Well them and the rest of you who need a good snarkin'! Seriously think before you write me. Do I look desperate enough to need a slave online?  Get fuckin' real, people. If you think something about you is going to change my no cam rules, you are an idiot. My cam is in the closet/storage because i don't get paid to use it anymore.

Do you think telling me you will relocate will change my mind? I have a live-in male and three out of house beautiful girls to serve me as needed. Not to mention a line a mile long of people waiting for me to have a position open that will do whatever I ask.

I am a retired model, burlesque performer, camshow girl and ProDom. I am a community leader. I have a large Leather family. I am not here to supply you with wank fodder. If you like my pictures, cool - don't tell me because I really don't care.

Like I said - write me and see what happens.....

If you want me so badly, you will have to communicate with me here. I don’t even bother with the old email systems. The are so antiquated. And I broke my cam, so don’t even ask. NOR do I have a cell phone with text. AND FUCK YOU WITH THOSE DAMN FRIEND REQUESTS. UNLESS I ACTUALLY KNOW YOU I WILL JUST REJECT IT!

Every time I come here, I am more and more convinced that man's survival is accidental. We couldn't be intelligent and pull off some of this nonsense.

it's not the size of your penis....it's the huge dick it is attached to...hahahaha

DO NOT REFER TO ME AS MISTRESS. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING OWNER. 

Well no wonder so many of the men on here approaches suck...I keep looking at the other FemDom ads on here and every other one demands money...are you suckers dumb enough to buy into this? Really? STUPID.

Why not save that money and go to a real life ProDom for a session?

National HIV testing day is June 27th, anyone can come to the main Planned Parenthood clinic and get free testing, including gonorrhea and chlamydia.

So how many of you are sitting around with your dinkie dickies in your hands tonight? 

Bored with yesterdays game. Now YOU figure out how to impress me. Not that you can. But you can try ~ and dream...hahahahaha

GOOD MORNING PEOPLE....Ready to play with me today? I am hoping to be entertained!! Can YOU be the most appealing? I am not looking for money. I am NOT a bot. I am NOT a scammer. I am a REAL DOM looking for the best of the best. Could that be YOU? Write me five things telling me why it is....M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZsSOOTHKVw&list=PL3D8269B5E604BA5B&feature=mh_lolz

Home from the mammogram hours ago. Sorry it took so long to post. Been busy on another site giving some folks advice. The test was easy and quick, but won't know results for a few days. I will post if there are problems, so don't ask. [MOM] They rescheduled my PET for Friday at 10.30 am. Again won't know much until I go back to the Dr on Monday and then it still may be a few days.

I will be setting up my patient account on their site tonight and then I can readily access results/information. I have an appointment on JUNE 1 W/ THE QUITTING SMOKING DEPARTMENT. Until then I plan to smoke my fuckin' brains out...Last night I told Will that the only reason I am quitting is to up my odds on living longer than 5 years so I'd have more time with HIM because I love him more then my precious smokes. So nanabooboo to my last exhubby...he asked me when he tried to get me to quit, "So which do you love more? Me or the death sticks?" [That time I paused and thought - Well hell they have been with me longer and never let me down..hmmmmmmmm.] 

Still keep me in your prayers...I may be in the hands of the best in the world, but it never hurts to have an extra boost of faith from those who love me. M

disposable collars *rant*

One way to disgust me is to cheapen kink...especially any attribute that is based on Leather. While I may not 'technically' be LEATHER I respect the hell out of its principals and standards.

To me that means a collaring ceremony is not something to be taken lightly or quickly in the new relationship. That is a slap in the face to what the meaning of the collar is!! It's a formal situation. Serious. Entered into after BOTH sides of the slash have proven loyalty, endurance and respect for the dynamic. THIS CANNOT BE DONE IN A FEW SHORT MONTHS!!

If you are so DESPERATE [which smells like bad butt butter] for being collared or collaring someone why not use the 'training' or 'protection' collar standard? It does not require a public commitment, but it can be given in a public situation if you so need group support or whatever. Plus it CAN BE DISPOSABLE!! If things don't work out there is less hurt when it falls apart.

I have had several relationships in kink. With each one I use a technique to show my level of commitment while also requesting the bottom/sub/slave/pet do so inanother way...

If it was a consideration collar, I have generally used something NOT a collar. And I put the responsibility of its ownership on the person who wants to serve me. One girl and I wore matching rings. She bought them for us on a day out together. When hers got lost because she wasn't doing things as I asked during her first family outing to RenFaire, I told her it was a sign that it was time for her to be released. I still have mine. One man wore his leather wrist band on the other arm. [something borrowed from Leather - like most of my 'style of kink'.] he left it to me when I kicked him out. I keep those and some others in a special metal case and occasionally look at them to remember what I have been lucky enough to experience.

Others who were expected to be even more short lived would wear one from my personal collection of 'casual' collars or brought their own. When I met Will he was wearing a chain dog collar around his neck. He had worn one for years without ever looking in earnest for an owner. He just knew it would attract the right woman. Ironically I thought he was so hot I didn't even notice it. A Snake did though! She asked who it belonged to and he said, "To the person who wanted to take it". MY KINDA BOY!!

We never did a public ceremony. His formal collar was one of a matched set bestowed on us by a sister Snake. They are thin leather straps with brass coins. The coins have snakes on one side and a tiger on the other. [He's my pet protector Tiger.] I told him to wear his snakes out and I would wear the tiger out on mine. This way we owned each other. No big announcements. No big ceremony. Just us.

And for us that worked...but it took a courtship of about a year and a half too...more close to 2 years, but this year it will longer lasting then BOTH my marriages did!

Are we talking marriage? NO. Neither of us need that. We have what we need -- COMMITMENT! Why? BECAUSE TAKING OR GIVING A "FORMAL" COLLAR IS TO SHOW A LONG ENDURING EXPECTATION OF A SERIOUS COMMITMENT YOU STUPID FUCKS!!

Another thing that always irks the shit out of me -- recycled collars are just tacky. I understand some Dom's have the mindset it is THEIR COLLAR and therefore it should go on THEIR SLAVE, even if the SLAVE changes as quickly as a diaper for a new born. I say a sarcastic "whatever" to those types.

To me each collar is specific to the RELATIONSHIP and the TWO people involved. After all we [Doms] could not live in our role without those who serve us. And they are the ones who have to wear it and cry so long when it is given back or taken away. Really want the end to hurt? Watch as either party cuts one up!

If you need it to reflect your OWNERSHIP why not design a family crest charm or something to put on each one to show your ownership? You can always take it back when things finish! Totem animals, like our Snakes and Tiger, work well and are generally easily found ready made. A House often has patches or jewelry to show association so this seems like a better way to get your needs met and you could use that previously chosen symbol to use on said patches, etc. when/if you form a house. [Good scouts are always prepared, right?]

I know we don't all think alike - nor do I truly want us to. One phrase Whitney coined that still rings true to me is, 'unity in diversity'. I like all the varying opinions.

Like I said to each their own. The good think about giving these kinds of blogs a rant warning is kind of a disclaimer that this is my opinion alone...well mine and Will's...we share it because we live it together. But i would not be true to myself and my belief system to not admit that occasionally I judge. Its part of who I am...yet while judging I don't expect anyone to change. I just share my personal perspective.

Sorry. I know I should not expect anyone to live by my standards. I might be sincere in that thought if I did not know that they are not just MY standards, but the traditions that our community has held before us as sacred. To me that is my religion of sorts and I hold it very near and dear.

End rant, M

PREFACE - THIS PIECE IS IN REGARDS TO THE FEMALE DOMINANT MALE BOTTOM DYNAMIC and should be read while listening to THIS

 playlist!!

There is a guy that I know personally. He lives in another city. He has been around for about 5 years going on six. I know him because he had a long term relationship with a friend of mine. I have interacted with him several times because of this in this past. Each time we hung out I was impressed by how nice he was but UNIMPRESSED by him as a man.

The first time I met him he seemed like many of the male slaves I have met -- emotionally needy and up the butt. I guess I should define 'up the butt' for those who do not know me...UTB slaves are the kind that follow a mistress around on heel, even if she is not in 'mistress mode' - acting on HIS impression of her as a Dom and not as a person. This is NOT the way to earn my respect or friendship. If anything it encourages me to tell them to fuck off. After all this is my LIFE not my fantasy to please men!!

Example: a friend brings a slave over to my house who she wants to become involved with or has just become involved with and I am cleaning a room. it is very clear they are just hanging out and it is uber casual. THIS IS NOT A PLAY SCENARIO OR PARTY - THIS IS VANILLA LIFE!
His mistress gets a call that she must take and leaves the room... Said slave follows me around talking in my ear about shit I could care less about, but never once asks to help me clean. As I struggle with moving something to clean behind it, said slave sits on the freshly made bed and with more blabbing, AGAIN never offering a hand in moving the heavy piece of furniture. As I leave the room the slave keeps following me. If I go to the bathroom, the slave stands outside the door talking. Finally, I have to become more commanding then needed during a 'vanilla' time to get the slave off my heel. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO DO THIS RESPECTFULLY AS TO NOT OFFEND THE FRIEND/FEMDOM WHEN I AM ANNOYED?!?!?!

If there is one thing I HATE it is an emotionally needy attention sucking slave [of either gender]. I find them not worth the time to train. They will only misconstrue my teachings to adapt to their fantasy and never become the type I prefer. It's like trying to raise a dysfunctional teenager when it is actually an ADULT being emotionally trapped at that developmental phase in life! I hated that phase in the two children I brought into this world and sure as hell do not want a man stuck in that moment emotionally!

Yet I have friends who I swear should just become bigger Cougar's and actually hunt men who are closer to the age these types of older men live emotionally stuck at...unless that would make them a pedophile. These ladies keep attracting these types. They spend years mentoring and training them, only to be disappointed when they rebel like teenagers always do. They become disheartened when their methods are taken and twisted into something they never wanted.

It is even worse when they raise them to switch because ultimately he wants that position in life. When this emotionally UNREADY man decides he is a DOM, it always seems to backfire. I've seen relationships where this man goes off to start a relationship where he can be the Dom to another person while still serving his mistress [most of my family is poly] and is SOOOOOO DIFFERENT with the other person that he is unrecognizable to those who really know him.

~A moment of personal intimacy/transparency here ~ Will wasn't ready for a non-sexual third when I tried to enhance our situation with one that he was 'posed to be learning the physicality of topping on while I benefited from her slave/servitude desires. He tainted my teaching and our relationship with his mistakes. It will be a long time before I give poly another go in this relationship because of it. [just so you know i speak from a place of experience here.] But Will never represents himself as a Dom. Even in the triad we had, it was clear that I was the head Dom in the House. As per our dynamic, he publicly represents himself as my Alpha slave and I encourage him to show the strengths of a good male slave. I in no way think all male subs are weak, emotionally needy worms - but some DO exist!

[I tend to prefer taking a strong Alphamale to partner with because there is nothing tastier to me then having someone serve whose nature it is to lead themselves as the relinquishment of power is sweeter].

When this problem of Domination to Damnation of the Dynamic arises it is often most obvious either in the Community and/or Online. I once had a slave who was a switch that would act like a pretty good slave at home, but if he went to events/classes in kink he would act like a DomAss. He was a member of the bondage/photo SIG here in town. I offered to go as his model, thinking with my multiple years of experience it would make HIM look good. Turned me down every time, confusing the shit out of me...until...one of my Sisters was at that group. She reported to me that when he was there he not only talked shitty about me, but acted like he wasn't even my slave! Suffice to say that ended soon after I heard about it. [I no longer encouraged him attending and usurped the power back to myself.] After that lesson I began to watch all the men our Snake Sisters dated!

It sickens me each time I see one start to show the signs similar to those that the boy who was encouraged by my sister to be strong starts to go down this type of path. The man I started talking about here originally eventually took this route on his personal journey. We watched as he picked subfemmes who were just as emotionally needy as him. They interfered with his primary dynamic because they needed more from him then he could manage effectively enough to keep the first relationship in tact. It was sad because I know he was not taught to leave behind the woman who was his mentor and to twist up what she taught him. And now I see he is trying to grow his pod into a much bigger house...WTF?

I don't mean to imply he has no right...I just wonder what the hell this inept person is thinking. I mean if you can't handle home/their primary relationship with their original mistress/mentor/primary what the fuck makes any leader-thinking-type-of-switch think they are ready for such a big responsibility? the best the Serpentarium ran was during the years I was happiest in my two marriages. [To LordViper and to my dear wife Kimi] When I tried to add more and expand my personal pod the whole thing fell apart...and that was with all my years of experience~

it [The Family] started to degrade as those two primaries ended. Why? Because a leader can not lead well if they are not in a centered space! Plus - by my personal experiences and observations - if the leader is not strong enough the other members [especially their bottoms] tend to run the show behind the scenes, which often leads the leader astray...trust me...I am not making this shit up!

how does this happen? because those who follow said leader support the leader's self-delusion at least to them or publicly, while still pushing their own agenda - be it membership/expansion, family standard/morality and/or whatever issues the family has to address to be successful. Why would they buy into such a fraud....because in this world we trust and respect people based on observation...too bad so many folks have such a struggle to tell when it is all bullshit that is made up to make the person look like what they really want to be!!

Lv M

FINALLY Obama supports gay marriage publicly!! Why? Because his daughters have friends with same sex couples for parents!! NOW GUESS WHO I RECOMMEND YOU VOTE FOR PEOPLE! [Or Ron Paul, if you must vote republican.]http://www.chron.com/news/article/Obama-voices-his-support-for-gay-marriage-3546038.php

https://.com/groups/25796/group_posts/249207…

 Got me thinking I needed to more about how this media attention was obtained. After reading many of the comments/responses, I had enough background to do a better job of figuring this shit out for myself. So I googled "Detroit dungeons" and the whole case came up before my eyes! [I <3 google!!] Strangely enough it is a case I have read many articles about online. [One advantage of being a bed-ridden news junkie is the time I have to read papers from all over the world.]

Here is the background story relating to the Jane Bashara slaying in Detroit in January 2012. She was found dead in the back of her Mercedes. They didn't think she was killed in the car and there were two killers. She was 56. They say her hubby was the sole person of interest at the time of the news report I am reviewing. Oh wow, it sounds like the hubby gave conflicting information about the last time he saw his wife. Here is the link

 - btw it is the same channel mentioned in the above link's conversation.

Okay the reason I began reading about this is because later on it is found out that the hubby owned a building with a bar [that was his] which was above seemed to have been a basement dungeon which somehow they figured out he frequented. This is mentioned in this March article

 "Investigators focus on bar, alleged mistress in Bashara murder case". Oh and to make things more complicated he has this girlfriend. I don't have a source aside from this website of webslueths

 on 02-01-2012, at 10:32 PM, "Latest breaking news is that a S&M dungeon was operating out of the basement of the Hard Luck Lounge. Witnesses have described whips and chains in the dungeon and people coming and going at all hours of the night. BB was also claimed to be seen there and participating in activities in the dungeon. Also, at one time BB girlfriend lived in the upstairs apartment above the bar. It seems that BB had an interesting second life but no indication if this latest news ties into the murder of his wife."

She later on gets a restraining order on him...but not before the cops search her place in March

At the end of April the girlfriend [who they keep referring to the mistress although I think she may have been his bottom or something] has written a letter to the judge saying she is terrified of the hubby. She's lost everything according to her lawyer and is now in fear. She is co-operating with law and may go from 'mistress to witness'. See video

 for the details with a follow uphere

. There is another video

 where Bashara's lawyer refuses to discuss the nature of their relationship because of his children later on.

Seems they found a man who claimed the hubby hired him to kill the wife. He is the person they talk about in the last mentioned video. He is now in jail with his court date getting pushed back. Again, that was in the previously mentioned video. It was postponed to be in May but now it appears to be happening in June. According to The Detroit Free Press

, "Gentz, a handyman who did work for Bob Bashara, told investigators that he killed Jane Bashara at the behest of her husband, sources previously told the Free Press."

On the webslueth page there is an article on the supposed accomplice giving conflicting information but the damn "Free" Press wants to charge me for the archived article. Fuckers. I can't seem to find more on that right now but another turn has presented itself. It seems the local police handling this caselost the clothing from the victim

! To date the hubby still has not be charged in this...

Sooooooooo now the news channel is promoting this, "TONIGHT AT 11 P.M. - It's the twist in the Bashara case that had everyone whispering. Are there dungeons of debauchery in quiet, local communities? Wait until you see what Defender hidden cameras reveal!" Oh BTW here is the current video that is causing controversy

. This is also where the original link ties into all of this. Now because of this asshole our community is a curiosity.

According to the comments on the original post, the folks there recognize the angles/timing/et. al. and think they may have an idea who the reporter was. One member was moved enough to write the news channel. Her letter and the news channel's response are here

. This is what she posted as the reply letter:

Thank you for your email and for sharing your thoughts. I can guarantee you that we do not reveal any identities in this story and are working to make sure no one is "outed" in this community. We were invited by some who attend this party and the goal is to show how these people are not different than anyone else. Of course, the reason for the story is the connection to the Bashara case not just to show this activity. Thank you again for your comments. Hank

We were invited by some who attend this party 
OH MY FUCKING GOD OUR OWN LET THEM IN...Evidently not the owner who in the originally listed post who says it is over and they are done. Sure no one is actually outed, but damn the sanctity of their haven is destroyed! IF THE IMPORTANCE OF VETTING WAS NOT CLEAR TO ANYONE PREVIOUSLY IT DAMN SURE AUGHT TO BE NOW!! Trust me, as a private house party host I can tell you it is easily forgotten from time to time. It was not one of my strongest points and I was DAMN lucky!! [my saving grace was making everyone prepay via paypal or check. That way I had some idea of who people were. I took cash face to face so I had a chance to meet them at an event in advance. Okay so it was luck and a little smarts.]

Things are much different and there is a hell of a lot more to use for researching someone thanks to . During my time the main tool was a yahoo profile! And we had a shit storm when we demanded everyone put an age on them to keep from having our groups shut down. My advice to LEADERS/HOSTS you have to meet folks after someone else 'recommends' them BEFORE YOU LET THEM INTO YOUR HOME. A munch really helps with this and I would make 3 munches a minimum. MEMBERS - really get to know the folks before you bring them to stuff. Would you let them in YOUR house? After all that is what you are asking of your leaders!! We all need to take pride in our clubs and fucking protect them.

Also getting to know someone online is NOT enough. What if the reporter set up a account and worked this angle of secrets like anyone really interested? And if they are someone who claims to have been around in the past IF YOU WERE AROUND AND REMEMBER THEM SPEAK UP!! So many posers who claim shit it is sickening. Many of us have been in the scene for years. If a person was truly random none of us will remember them, but if they were blacklisted I promise SOMEONE will remember!! It may take asking several people, but is that asking too much to protect us all?!?!?

When discussing this writing with Will he brought up an interesting point...what if the member[s] who brought this reporter were disgruntled members? We have tons of in-fighting and setting someone up would not be that hard. Think about that the next time you are tempted to go to battle for bullshit. We should only be fighting the wrongs and ridding ourselves of the real problem people.

the goal is to show how these people are not different than anyone else.
BULLSHIT!! The title wouldn't have been so titillating if that was true. IF YOU ARE NOT ONE OF US HOW THE FUCK DO YOU PLAN TO SHOW THAT WE ARE NOT THAT DIFFERENT FOR THE MOST OF OUR LIVES BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE ARE NOT THE SAME EITHER? So fucked.

Lesson here folks - do NOT trust the press. Also really take the time to learn about your kinky 'friends'. What do they do for a living? What is their last name? What part of town do they live in? Are they racist or sexist or homophobic? God I could make a long list of questions. How about you? What do you think?

M

RIP Karl 'Kandice'/"Lord Vandor"/'Dragon' Wolff

I've been struggling all weekend with wrapping my mind around the loss of this very kind soul. He was like a brother to many, a friend to some, a great stepfather for Ben and Scarlette and a soul mate to his lovely wife, Pam. His absence will be felt in each of the communities he lived his life within.

I first met him when I was born into the community. He was serving on the HPEP Board at the time. We quickly became friends and through our years of companionship, he became family. Karl was one of the founding members of House Viper -- yep, an original Snake Sibling!

He worked along side my ex-hubby - lord Viper aka Kerry - on every paintball event from the moment they met until his untimely demise last week. Another Snake recently saw him playing Tim the Enchanter [one of his favorite roles] for Viper Scenario's 'Quest for the Holy Grail' game. Paintball was a world he loved a great deal and they loved him back.

Karl also dedicated a part of his life to another passion - The Texas Renaissance Festival. He became a part of the pirate crew for the pirate booth, selling all their wonderful wares and living his dream life as a pirate each weekend. With his family he also attended fares in other places as well. His "Jack Sparrow" costume was a big hit too. He loved all his Rennie Friends and the Chaos house very dearly, like all the other groups he became ingrained within.

Taken too soon - and unpredictably - I will miss him. Pam and the kids - I feel so bad that there is nothing I can do to help because of my current health. If you wish to send your thoughts, please drop me a note and I will pass it on to her via FB. In sadness ~ M

I am now 91.5 pounds...and severely addicted to cake...plain cake - chocolate or vanilla/yellow...no icing...oh and brownies...i have made/obtained too many in the past week...but not slowing down...so if you love me, bring me cake...lol, lv M
ps. i even eat it for breakfast. oh and can put away an entire 9" round pan one alone...it's sick i tell ya - sick!

Days go by and still I think of you ~ RIP Sissy Bruno

While visiting a long time sister of mine from my original Family of Choice's page on Facebook, I got lead down a rabbit hole. My dear sister had written about the children of another sister from this little ragtag family. These are the sons of one of my dearest friends -- Sissy Bruno -- who left us way too soon for reasons I now completely understand...well, as best as I can.

Anyhow - trying not to spin further down here - being the curious cat that I tend to be online I go over to the boys pages. The younger one doesn't really have any pictures up. just some meme crap, except for the pictures from church that someone else linked to him. He can't even been seen in either, but I did catch the profile of Sissy's mom. I feel so bad that she never got a chance to really stop being a mom for a while. I am glad the boys had her.

The older boy just went through Prom recently! How exciting! Stretch hummer limo and a uber cute date = a good Texas prom! It also means quite a few pictures. MY GOD THIS CHILD IS AN EXACT COPY OF HIS MOMMA IN HIS FACE.

It shattered me. There was my favorite face looking back at me with the dewy freshness she had when we first met in the 8th grade at a party in a friend's garage. A party I have never forgotten.

Not even when I felt I had to turn my back on her...one of my few life regrets. I just couldn't bring that drug instyle back into my world. The emotional price was too high at that point in my life. I should have never done that. I should have driven to her, grabbed her up and dragged her home with me to get her help. Now that I have detoxed off Morphine four times, I get how nasty heroin withdraw must have been and why she couldn't take it. I should have been stronger for her.

Seeing her face today in that boy really brought that home for me. I might have been able to keep her here for them. I should have done things differently. I can say I have lived differently by having known her and have one sacred item that she made for me, which i use every single day. one thing i kept thinking when i thought this cancer would kill me was that, if there is an afterlife where you get reunited with the dead, at least we could be together again. i have dreams about apologizing frequently.

Now I am getting random. Sorry Alice this rabbit hole is full today. You'll have to find some other way to get to the tea party....Lv the Mad Hare

Went to see my real kidney doc since i have medicaid again. I am in a total panic attack. I just wanted him to check out the pee bag tube but he didn't even look at it. turns out the one thing ben taub was right about is the fact that this stupid thing is always going to hurt bc it goes through muscle and way down deep into my kidney to work...reality is that there is scar tissue running along my back and lower pelvis that we're going to have to work around.

On to the bad news:
A. have to have another CT scan with contrasts - oral and IV -- that means I will be puking and pooping like hell afterwards. I HATE THOSE FUCKING SCANS.

B. If the scan shows what he suspects then I will require major surgery. Something about pulling my ureter out, wrapping with fat and putting it back in. Only advantage of being 85 pounds is that there is not a ton of my own fat that he would have to fight his way around. [yea?] btw he said I look emaciated. Not a happy word to hear when I all do now days revolves around trying to gain fucking weight.

He asked if I still have my female parts. We told him yes bc the docs said it was inoperable. He didn't like that and is going to talk to my other docs at memorial nw from before and get their opinion. Seems that while he is doing his thing it would be a great time to yank that shit too if we can. I really hope they can bc then I would feel better about this crap maybe not coming back.

He also said we'd talk more about the plan when we have the results. Vagueness never puts me at ease or makes it possible to even answer simple questions. I feel like this whole experience has been nothing more then a series of hurry up and wait.

I am so scared. Whenever docs give me this kind of news my brain freezes in panic. i barely understand what they say. i really should take a recorder so then i can play it back when explaining to people. [my mom in particular as she thinks i should feed it back to her verbatim.]

I AM SO FUCKING READY FOR THIS SHIT TO BE OVER THAT I WISH I HAD ALREADY DIED. Will is busting his ass working for 3 clients to keep us afloat. He's soooo worn down that it shows all over him. The kids are barely paying their rent -- they can't seem to understand how important that money is to us. I feel helpless, even though I do have $400 a month coming in now thanks to disability.

I am just not sure how much more I personally can take. Watching him suffer is worse then all this crap I have to go through. I love him so much and owe him my life. this is so unfair to him. When we got together I promised him a world of fun and now our world has turned into a whopping pile of medical hell. He's so young to be in this place and it is unfair, but i can't live without him -- literally at times. I will never be able to repay his love and kindness.

if anyone wants to help Will here is what can be done:
A. if you want to send money but not a personal check, we could do money orders
B. Gift cards to KROGERS covers gas and food and other stuff
C. any odd jobs you may need help with in the future Will can be booked. These clients are going to run out of work for him in the next month or so. He can do carpentry, repairs, minor electrical stuff, painting, gardening and such

If interested please email for the address. I promise to get to it as soon as I can. Lv M

What is the problem with these young girls listed in pink [sub] but call themselves Dommes? THE FACT THAT I AM LOOKING FOR A SUB GIRL!! THAT'S WHAT!

walked straight up a minute ago for the first time in MONTHS-- feeling more like myself than ever!!! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Finally been cleared of cancer. they took ten samples in a biopsy and found nothing. [except extreme pain for me afterwards.] Still sick with other things and trying to heal. Thanks for all notes of support. Hope you are well, lv M

BEST BOYFRIEND EVER JUST BROUGHT ME HOME RED COWGIRL BOOTS THAT I HAVE BEEN RESALING FOR FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS!! COULD NOT BE HAPPIER! SINGING MADE UP SONGS IN JOY!! [Thanks to V for the rt. size!]

Boys ask questions ...MEN give answers

Boys play house ....MEN build homes

Boys shack up ....MEN get married Boys make babies.... MEN raise children

A boy won't raise his own children.... A MAN will raise his and someone else's

Boys invent excuses for failure.... MEN produce strategies for success

Boys look for somebody to take care of them.... MEN look for someone to take care of

Boys seek popularity.... MEN demand respect and know how to give it

Men do what they want & boys do what they can

When I read this it made me think of my relationships with submissives, especially males – in particular about the one in my life right now. It is common knowledge that my mate/slave – Will - is 15 years my junior. Also everyone knows I vowed to only date younger men after the demise of my second marriage – where AGAIN I married a man six years my senior who wasn’t what I expected. As for women, I have always kept close company with younger ones – some of them slaves and/or submissives – as my best friends. So in some ways the above fits for that dynamic as well, but since discussing that would not be living in this moment; I am instead going to focus on the man who has been in my life FIVE years on October 13.

While taking up training/having slaves/submissives/pets, I found myself attracted to people who were at a chronological place of ‘bridging’ to another phase of life. When I met Will, he was only 23 and very much the boy. I had the ambition to show him how free and fun life could be until it was time to be a grown-up. We planned [and still discuss] finding his wife once I raised him into a man. I was more accustomed to working with folks who were in their late 20’s at times where they were about to bridge into the adulthood needed for their 30’s. I am good at helping people define themselves and at building confidence. I could still give these talents to Will while having a cute boy on my arm, looking at me adoringly for this acceptance into a world he had fantasized about through his teen years and semi-searched for before meeting me. All of the ‘misgivings’ of youth were the trade I signed on for at the start.

I wanted the fun of those earlier years, so I reset my mindset to this new dynamic while developing a new standard in my basic training. I didn’t feel it would be fair to demand of him much of the adult responsibilities faced by previous slaves – so we made a list of what expectations on servitude would be required should he want an enduring relationship with me. We also agreed these expectations would be increased if the relationship matured. His age led me to believe the best way to guard my heart was to be prepared for youthful mistakes, occasional poor choices and learn to develop more patience. This went well with my recent life lesson – wisely given to me by TempleofFlesh’s Princess Krista – “Accept; don’t Expect”.

While the negotiation required certain expectations there were many things I knew I could accept. Since much of this was to be built around fun and not full time, it had an element of terminality in both of our minds. I wanted the training to focus around fun kind of stuff. The serious stuff I almost preferred to handle alone if we were not going to be living together. To make this even easier I developed a term for our dynamic: P [perfectly] E [entertaining] T [treat]. PET really gave us the outlook that our moments together were to bring enjoyment to each others’ lives.

Plus none of the old terms fit what we came up with as our definition of this relationship. He would have liked to be “an Alpha Boy”, should we become poly; because he knew he had Topping desires. [When – if -- that time should return this is not a problem for me, as my ultimate preference is for Alphas. Right now it’s all on the back burner! I expect it to change again but the new morphing will have a much more clear negotiation. By that time it’ll be a good time for renegotiation anyhow.] He would not be a “slave”, or a “submissive” either. He wanted the servitude responsibilities socially, but more limited in private then I define those roles overall. He wanted it to be known as my property while being allowed to maintain his own identity. He was open to learning what the expectations of those roles would be, should he need to know. Plus it’s a topic I bring up when looking at situations with people who say they live the D/s dynamic – as many of our friends do.

Boys ask questions ...MEN give answers – This is a progression we have gone through in the past few years. At first he spent time getting to learn how I preferred my food and drinks. He focused on many details of social engagement and asked questions whenever they popped into his head. We shared discussions about relationships and/or the politics of the community, where I asked him questions so I could garnish a fresh point of view. These simple exercises/interactions of ‘dating’ helped.

He matures in his way of thinking and looking at the world -- more often then not -- very quickly. That comes from seeing everything Rock-N-Roll from the backstage. But in some ways he begins to develop a bit of an ego. I hadn’t really noticed how out of check it was growing into, until it was too late. His cockiness was appealing to me.

When I did finally catch on to his ‘new phase’ was after I had allowed a third to be negotiated in as a secondary pet – ultimately his pet –but tossed in the new NO sexual play clause. I made sure he didn’t need to ask questions by reiterating the clause and the agreed to expectations. He kept giving me reasons for her to be around more then our original agreement when we first started searching/developing a standard for what the person we were looking for would be expected. To be fair she was also building up him in other ways, so he was propped up by both ends. WARNING TO OTHER DOMINANTS TO SWITCHES – this is BAD.

It came to a head the day we found out we have herpes – the very reason for the NO SEXUAL CONTACT CLAUSE IN THE NEGOTIATION! He didn’t ask questions or even give a big-headed-asshole reason. Instead of that kind of crap, he responded with the most honest answer any man who has cheated on me ever gave, “I got greedy. I broke the rules and now we are sick because of it. I am sorry.” Wow. That’s not a boy. That’s a straight up MAN.

Boys play house ....MEN build homes – By this point we’d been living together for about two years. Thought we had moved beyond just playing house…We were finally in a house that we could fix up however we wanted and our landlord appreciated us for it. We had both been working on it very hard, because the time before this the house we got one which we poured a full family effort into got ripped out beneath us. [Now that house reflects the peak of their ‘relationship’/makes me cry to think of, but because the fates love me so much it has been torn down!] I spent a few days crying about the whole mess before I found out about the cancer. I was worried that he would not be man enough to stay with me through the hard times ahead.

After owning up like a man to the shit, he proved he still deserved to be thought as of one. I told him it would take a huge effort to prove it to me. To assure me that he was the man I wanted, he took on making sure this house was well kept while I was sick with very minimal help from my kids. He took me to treatment every weekday morning and went to work each day, only to return to cleaning and cooking for us. He took on arranging how the bills got paid. When I needed some one to manage what the doctors were saying, he took charge and kept them in check. He became my AlphaSlave that I had dreamed about for years. This forced him to really grow up and be a MAN.

Boys make babies.... MEN raise children A boy won't raise his own children.... A MAN will raise his and someone else's In the beginning Will treated my kids as his friends. They treated him similarly. Time and responsibilities changed this to much more of a fatherly/mentor like dynamic. It’s so close that when the shit hit the fan about that third, they begged me to not toss him out. During the cancer they saw his devotion and knew they’d done the right thing. Some day I do want to find the right girl for him to breed with – although I think now he’d much rather settle for being an uncle and a grandfather. I just know he’d make beautiful babies and would love them the right way – like he has me and my kids.

Boys invent excuses for failure.... MEN produce strategies for success -- Getting the clear on the cancer means we have the chance to make a fresh start on life. My physical difficulties put me in the position currently where employment is still a ways away. Will realizes that his career as a cowboy is coming to a point that it no longer meets his lifestyle ambitions. Currently he’s researching his next career move. He’s trying to produce a strategy for success!

Boys look for somebody to take care of them.... MEN look for someone to take care of – Since Will was not brought in as a slave, I took on all cooking responsibilities. For one I thought he couldn’t cook and secondly I enjoy how he acts when I control the food. To me it is part of taking care of him. I didn’t expect him to ever take care of me. One visit to Austin – about a year after we’d been together – he made me pancakes. Pancakes are not that easy! I started looking at him in a different light. If he was showing me this side of him to show his appreciation for my efforts to come to him, then maybe we could enter another phase in our relationship. Over the time of my illness I lost my ability to cook. My boy-friend stepped up and became my Man-friend. He may not be a chef but he damn sure took care of all of us.

Boys seek popularity.... MEN demand respect and know how to give it I don’t like the order of this quoted piece, but I am going to continue to run with it. When Will first came to me I was moving on from being a party hostess/group leader into a full-time professional Fetishist. Sinfest was being born. I was traveling and performing all over the state. Real Rock-n-Roll lifestyle shit. He called me his Golden Ticket. Because he’s so damn cute and charming popularity was pretty much assured. But respect…well shit…we all know the best way is to earn it is by giving it to the right/deserving people. After five years – mistakes and all – he should have a good amount of it. Even my gal pals who held the cheat against him are softening a little after observing his accomplishments in care giving during the cancer.

Men do what they want & boys do what they can Will has always pretty much done whatever he’s wanted – I’ve never denied him any requests…wait that’s a lie! I did force him to go on TV with me for The Secret Lives of Women. But honestly back then he was a just my boy…now he’s much more…He will always be my boy, ultimately, only now he is also my MAN. He’s becoming such a great example of what a good man is that it makes me jump up my game. He deserves my best and I vow to do bring it!

I wish everyone could find the person who makes them want to give their all to make li is enough of a struggle outside the home. Home should be sacred and safe. Now that we’re crossing the other side of this bridge in his timeline, I am even more excited about what OUR future holds. This is my kind of love – it’s the kind that moves on…to quote one of my favorite songs from the Singles soundtrack. Lv – a very much in love - M

IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE BEAT THE CANCER & THANKS

So I have survived the 3 high level radio doses. Still feel like shit. Cancer sucks!

Yesterday we were finally coming home to the heights when traffic got diverted due to a 6 car with a death to a two lane back road to 90 through Highlands. After going very slowly forever I suggested we safely turn around to go back to Wallisville road. This all worked out without a hitch UNTIL two young ladies chose to do a similar move to return to the traffic lane. Before I could finish saying, “Watch out she’s doin’ somethin’ weird” she makes an illegal u and we slam into her. The whole front end is totaled, and so is my custom painting.

Luckily this very nice lady watched the whole thing from her front door. She brought me in and gave me some ice water. She also called the cops for us. They took every one's statements and found the u turn girl at fault. The wrecker brought both cars literally walking distance from the SerpHeaven. He even gave us a ride home.

Doc’s appointment reset for Monday. I am having some serious pain all through my pelvis - especially my tailbone. Can’t go home till tomorrow night. I miss my kids and cat. The rat AND my computer died during all this too.

But it managed to increase Will’s love of me. He was so happy I wasn’t hurt that he doted on me like crazy. This man has done a ton of growing up during these 5 years. I still haven’t forgotten what happened with Suzanne and I doubt I ever will, but that’s not going to stop me from loving him.

I haven’t been home to check the mail, but I hear there are goodies waiting, THANK YOU ALL~ lv M

Sooooooooooooooo as you may or may not know my radio/chemo docs that i adore have reached a level where they can't finish fixing me. So they sent me back to Ben Taub. This actually turned out to be a huge blessing bc my BT Doc referred me to two new lady docs down in pasadena at bayshore hospital who just returned from giving a conference in China about how to do this very procedure! Yep -- they are world experts. I go Monday, Friday and the following Monday for 3 high dose treatments. Lucky for me I have a Snake Sanctuary where I am staying until this is finished in baytown.

THANK you all so much who sent funds to help. I spent all night crying and reading cards. HEAT you are wonderful. I hope to attend one of your events as soon as possible.To my aunt and cousin who have barely enough to get by thank you for the cards and the 2 dollars from scottie. for those who don't know this part of my past here's what makes that even more tear jerking - scottie is 'special needs' but wanted to do what he could -- i well up like a baby thinking of how dear he is...To KK who sent the beautiful fairy card -- strangers or not, you will always have a place in my heart. Also thank you to the Darren,Lisa and my good girls - thank you for rushing over and helping. Oh and Ms.Jane and Anthony -- those patio chairs you gave up ended up replacing the horrible seating I had in he sunroom, so now visits can be cumfy!And finally to my last true stepmother and brother: I love you too; oddly more then when you were married to Dad.

Life is amazing. I have never felt more loved. Oh to those who can just send love, prayers and support -- it's working. Together everyone is healing me.

Thank you again~ Love M
if you still want to send help, please write me privately for my address

I would be cured tomorrow. Here’ why not.

Ya’ll had heard much since my last stay in the hospital. That’s because I spent the following week having fluids pumped into me. I am103 pounds and dehydrated no matter what we do. They worry, I kinda like it. Meh.

So then the following week for was me to rest before the big final massive bombardment where they would have put rods in me to blow up the last of this cancer. So during the week of panic I made sure to keep cleansing out my butt bc the final day before I’d have to drink the god awful ass exploder.

The moment of drinking the cherry tasting stuff made my day a living hell. I managed to get it all down – when whooooosh it was back!! We called my nurse and she told us to do it again. ARG! I passed for a bit from throwing up and Will got more stuff. I reread the instructions and it was okay to do it in segments…so I tried a new approach…

I took five of my stash of cherry lifesavers [yum], the yuck stuff and then a less than normally sweetened cherry koolaid.
First eat the candy and let it really coat your mouth.
Second slam a quarter of yuck.
Chase with equal amount of koolaid.
TAKE YOUR TIME
My first half stayed down
I waited and repeated too soon or something
Thus the loss of the second half of the dose.

This is so much tmi but I have been really lonely. I am beyond bathroom dependant and have moved on to diapers for peeing issues. Anyhow that brings me to what has held up the big ending. We get there at 6 am and I have had a hell night. Some of those meds got through but I was worried not enough. I’d been off my pain pills since midnight, nor had I had my anxiety drug. Luckily the anthesiaologist [sp?] was standing there. We’d met before and it did not go well. No fight this time; he told her to iv me with my pain meds, my nausea meds and my favorite steroid – decadron. WHOLY SHIT WAS IT PERFECT.

I got to see the kids and Will for a while. They met my nice nurse. Dr. Kim my kidney doctor happened to be up there too so introduced him to the kids. He answered a question I had about him removing my stint. Everything seemed to be going great….

Until I woke up in observation without the feeling anything had been done. Turns out nothing could be. Seems one of the spots must to through has some kind of ‘ulcer’ blocking the way. I’ve been sent back to ben taub to begin the process of formulating a plan to get rid of that or something. My appointment isn’t until next Monday.

So still don’t expect to see me about and about anytime soon. And if you still would like to help out, what we need now is money. All the pills are not covered by medicaide and Will’s had to take lots of time off to take care of me. I need help, if possible. Write me privately if you can. This is breaking my heart to have to put out here for everyone too, but the first thing radiation kills is the pride, Lv M

sick since wednesday

 And it doesn't seem to end - no matter how much I sleep. I am hearing everything in a cloud and getting lost mentally very easily. I wish I had better news to write but that's not where I am at right now. Right now I am very sick,

M

Ugh. I am so tired of being sick. It has become a huge pain all around!!

The port/cath to my heart looks odd under my skin. I have thinned down so much in the area [the past boob zone as we call it around here] that you can see the lump moving around if I bend. So yucky. That surgery was done on Tuesday of this week and went fairly smoothly, but a problem arose after we returned from visiting Baytown on Wednesday...

The glue on the patch over it proved to be a new allergy for me but it took till Wednesday night for me to find out! Oh joy!! This one showed itself in the form of my feet swelling up to look like those of a hobbit the night before my blood transfusion. I didn't sleep the whole night in worry that it would move up my body if I did. Finally after HOURS of itching like hell all over the thought crossed my mind to remove the bandage and take two benedryl, instead of my regular pain meds. By the time we left for the hospital at 8 am my feet were about half the size, so I knew what caused it.

BTW, yes I did say blood transfusion. Two of them yesterday. It took all damn day but at least I spent it with my friends in the observation beds. Nice to see everyone again ; P...I told my nurse she should snap a photo of me in bed with the blood going in, since most of the world thinks I am a vampire...lol..even better it was labeled with my blood type -- O NEGATIVE. [one of my favorite vampire like bands!!] Thanks to me not having a phone, this photo opportunity was lost! ; (

I spent the day in bed getting pumped up with new young blood. grody. I managed to do my hand-sewing projects during the first transfusion and slept through the entire second one. The best news is that I have figured out what menu to request when in the hospital -- the soft diet. That way I get more options that I will actually eat like fresh fruits.

Last night I expected to feel all 'pumped up' and enlivened by the new blood, as that seemed to be what all the staff and our friends said would happen; but instead I was completely out of sorts. My son was sitting beside me and said "Mom are you okay? You look really sick all of a sudden"...he had no clue that I was totally spacing out lost in a very deep indescribable physical and mental fog. I said "No. Something is wrong. I am going to go lay down." I took a short warm bath and passed out. Woke up today around 6 am and feel okay. Still no where near normal but at least okay.

Today I go back to Radio to do more blocking and check the lines they drew on me on Wednesday. I think the stuff they glued the first ones down with is not helping with the itchiness. God the urge to itch is maddening at times. And since my whole right upper chest area is still sore from the port, itching is often impossible without pain.

Hopefully this weekend will be hospital free. I have lunch with The Pup and Will on Saturday to look forward to. I plan to spend the rest of the time working on/finishing up the projects I started at the infusion. I am making little REnFaire bags/purses with hand beading and painted velvet panels.

I am trying to do a lot of small projects to sell at our yarT sale, in a few months. If you are interested in donating any objects/clothing/whatever to this upcoming fundraiser do not hesitate to ask for more details -- or watch for them in an upcoming blog. For those who are curious, we have 5 fundraiser ideas -- which are all in the works to some degree. They will be:
1. The yarT sale which my family will host at our house for our vanilla and kink friends. This will be a sale with BBQ vension sausage/hot dogs/snacks/baked goods, LIVE MUSIC, art for sale and a full garage sale in the backyard. [Not your normal event but still something cool.]
2. Project Armageddon and The DollyRockers [and maybe a few more bands] will be doing a show for our benefit as soon as we can find a venue. This will be a kink and vanilla event with the chance for it to be all ages, if we find the right place.
3. Byron and Kerri have offered to host a party in my honor at their house
4. Lori from SAF offered me one too
5. Elizabeth and Eva from WIPS will be hosting a kink party for me in the fall.

Other things that have been very helpful:
*Donations of casseroles by wonderful friends
*Kroger's gift cards from my vanilla family
*Will's parents helping to pay our bills for a few months [except rent- we are still able to cover that without help]
*Clients booking Will for additional work & being understanding when he has to take care of me right now
*a nice check from the family of one of my daugthter's friends

I have also been getting notes from people requesting me as a proDom. I hate turning those down, but I can barely get dressed right now -- much less put on MICHELLEFROMHELL. It may seem strange, but honestly I hurt too much to hurt anyone else at this time.

Many thanks to everyone. The support and help I am given is making it easier to not give up. I love you all so much

M

It was a rough weekend. My body tried to reject the 'stint' for the kidney/bladder situation that I had done Friday morning without incident, and caused the most painful thing – bladder cramping was worse than childbirth with forceps and all. While will was talking to my doc on the phone after we got home the major pain of this crap started. Before he could give him the pharm number I told him to tell Dr Kim that I was going to the ER at the hospital.

Oh and while at home I had an allergic reaction to the drug patch that we wasted so much money on in less than two hours. The pain med doc thinks it was the glue or the patch itself. [More about him in a minute] I was having uncontrollable disassociation issues. Auras of golden glitter took over my vision. The nausea and pre-migraine feelings were intense enough to make me want to go to the ER, knowing that those are what first appeared with every previous bad drug reaction.

We get there. I start puking. IV goes in. They start pumping me with fluids and antibiotics. I get IV Staydol for the pain. And then surprise of Belladonna suppositories! They are miracle anti-bladder cramping meds.  Absolutely wonderful care was given by each staff member.

But it was a busy night over there by their standards. [Breath-able by Ben Taub standards!] There wasn’t a room in the inn for me. We spent the remainder of Friday night, all of Saturday and Sunday camped in the post op observatory. It was tiny but we managed with will sleeping in a reclining chair.

He did amazing through all this. He managed the kids driving, my sickness and all that goes into micromanaging me in terms of making sure I was eating, what level my pain was at and keeping life going in general. I am still stunned by how helpful he has become. I have never had someone work so hard for me with every bit of personal energy. I know he’s going as far and hard as I would for him, and this eases my heart.

Oh and camping there turned out to be brilliant! We had staff checking on me closely. They comforted me through the pain. I was so well watched over that when beds were coming up we told them to pass us over for people with larger families there. That really freaked out the staff. We explained that communal living is a part of our lives and understand that it is strange to most people. They kept asking, “But don’t you want your own bathroom?” I explained we are a family of four with only one bathroom. It was manage-able. [Plus I was pretty much the only one who could walk to the bathroom unassisted so the point seemed stupid]

We finally got a room on Monday – for a little while. Even though my port catheter was scheduled for the next day, we couldn’t stay the night. Hospitals are not like hotel rooms, even if you’ve already paid for it you don’t stay! So silly!!! They also took out a perfectly good IV, even though I promised if they would bag it I wouldn’t mess with it. Oh well!

Got home and the most amazing things awaited me!! First a family Alee has been friends with for years sent a LARGE donation check. Talk about being floored. I cried like a baby. I have to find my damn stamps because I have already written thank you notes for things that have come by mail.

In my email were two incredible notes. One was from a boyfriend of mine from when I was 16 from Austin. I’ve always had fond memories of him so this was fun to see. I only hope my response wasn’t too excited sounding, but damn he was such a nice guy and I felt he needed to know that I too remember many of those same details that he wrote about in his note.

The second note came from a fan/reader of my blogs. He said some wonderfully insightful things referring to years of following me. It never ceases to amaze me how many people really care and how many have for how long. It keeps me from feeling so alone.

Then to top things off while he was picking up my prescription - hydromorphone [cheap only $35], he also got me the two tank dresses I saw at Walgreens. They are perfect! [He also got me new panties while I was stuck in the hospital. He also managed to get the right style, without a tag and the right cut with only a little help from Alee.]

The evening ended with a surprise visit from Vince. I love that man so much. He’s going to tattoo all my allergies on my arm for me, and maybe my whole medical record. I am sick of having to repeat all of it so often.

I wore one of each of the new dresses and panties to the port surgery today. This surgery went fast and perfect. New IV of course meant more IV fluids and antibiotics. The pain med/anesthesiologist and I had a moment where he thought I was screaming at him which pushed me to tears. He was trying to convince me to give those expensive meds another try to which I told him absolutely not. My doc had already given me a new pain med [the $35 one] which was working well enough. [Even better with percogesic!]  I just hate it when a doctor acts like I don’t know my own body. I finally managed to drive it home that I won’t take drugs that make me feel sick, but still I felt emotional discomfort on how we talked to each other so I told him I was sorry if I had been too mean. I have the same issue with mental health medicines and the docs related to them.

But again the remainder of the service was so damn good. One of my surgery nurses disclosed to me during my tears that she survived lymphoma/cancer using the same doctors that I have. Sadly she had 5 years of treatments but now she’s cured.

Next week we start the chemo and radio. They say it should take about six weeks. I’ve got to go to the hospital once a day Monday – Friday for about 15 minutes of treatments. I am in some pain still but the new drugs seem to be working. Thank God for that.

Don’t expect big blogs for a while. I am thinking I might go back to looking up newspaper articles and commenting my opinions for a while. I want to be a part of the revolution and it looms over us all every day. Maybe if I can get people to see what I have seen then maybe I can help the change/causes I believe in. Turns out my will to live has come back stronger then before. I have talked to many people who were stage 4 and lived. My stage 3B seems simple in comparison. Looks like I am going to push for some borrowed time. With the love and support I am getting, I might just make it through this after all.

Oh and whomever called to come over Sunday, I can’t remember who you were. I spoke to you from the hospital but I was all doped up. Please drop me a note and mention who you were….I know it was a moment sans kids for you, but I cannot remember who the fuck it was…

I love you all so much. Thanks to each of you for being in my life. Lv M

Oakydokey! I am NOT stage 4!!! This hasn't made it to the glans or the lungs!! And -- just like Kid Rock -- "I'm going platinum!"

Had a PET done yesterday in the mobile unit. Super cool. We joked if the lightening hit during the scan I could be a cancer super hero. [My family decided that I would take the cancer from good people until I was full and then i would kill bad people with it!] The test was one big nap for me...actually all of the past few days - except Sunday - have been big sleep days for me.;. I blame the meds for pain, even if I am not on the strong stuff yet.

Met with my chemo doc first today. Super nice guy. He gave me the good news but tells me I have two little trips under the knife before we start killing the DemonBabyFromHell. Seems we managed to just catch the moment the tube from my ONLY kidney [birth defect] to my bladder just before it backs up. So this Friday I am getting a 'stint' put in to keep the tube open. So doesn't sound fun, but relieved they caught this now!!

The I go on the 21st to have a 'port' put in. this is where they will shoot the liquid patinum into me [chemo] on the first day of the week during my radio. Turns out radio is extra effective in this type of cancer. My odds went back up another 20% today, or so my radio doc said.

I am very tired. I try like hell to hide the pain when people are around, but now to really be able to i have to take a percagesic every four hours and thinking of pumping that up to about one and a half. I feel the stupid thing growing in me, just like having a baby. I pointed it out to the new doctor today.

Best part - he didn't poke around in my vagina. He seemed to think I'd had enough strangers doing that to me lately....lol...me too....

Lv M

Went to meet the head of Memorial NW's oncology yesterday -- and he's amazing! His absolute angel of a nurse is incredible. They've got me set up for a PET scan on Monday so I get to cancel my CT scan at BenTaub for Friday. No more public health system hospitals for me!!!

He explained that those notes I was asking about are still fixable w radio and chemo. [Oh and it means that the tumor is dead but the cells are still spreading. worst part is it also means it is in my blood and glands -- which means it could be anyplace in my body.] This new scan should show us more then the one BT had me scheduled for.

Still scarey but their attitude took away some of my terror. [I had spent the night before and that morning crying my eyes out.] The general outlook and approach is so much more refreshing then the oppressiveness of BT.

Here's a huge difference at BT when you ask questions they push you off to the next person who 'handles' that area -- here the doc asked about every fifth sentence 'Do you have any questions about this?' At BT we'd wait for hours to see a doc for minutes, whereas at MNW the doc spent an hour with us alone. Plus free parking!! [BT = $10 a trip bc that's how long each appointment takes to process.]

One of my most favorite people came by for lunch yesterday. We had some amazing one on one girl talk time which helped me get my head back on straight. She helped me remember who I am and what I have accomplished. THANK YOU DEAREST FRIEND FOR THAT. [oh and for the shirt, hat and mug which read FUCK CANCER on them!! plus the nice courage necklace!]

All the goodness was sooooooooooooo helpful that I not only managed to eat [woohoo] but sleep too....only downside is now I am awake too damn early! lol, lv M

I have a saying "If she did it to ME then she'll do it to YOU!"

Okay, I have been silent about how much this shit with Suzanne has fucking hurt me...I can't contain it another second...so here's some insight into what is plaguing me while I struggle with 3B cancer...

We were friends before I brought her into our lives. Hell, I was the one who asked why she wasn't burning Bryon's shit when he went to Vegas to marry his wife...I offered to take her and do it!

When I was looking for a playmate for Will, I figured going with a family member would be safest. I figured that way the person would adhere to my limitations and negotiations. I WAS SOOOO FUCKING STUPID!!

I negotiated a NONSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. I told her I controlled all the pussy and that was how it was going to stay. I tried like hell to support every hair brained scheme the whore came up with, and sent help when I couldn't. I was a LOYAL TRUE FRIEND AND SHE WAS A LYING FUCKWAD.

She was in our lives a while [over a year] and I thought maybe it was everything I truly wanted: someone to entertain Will so he could learn to top in a non-sexual environment, someone to help around the house since there's no live in slave, someone to be a close friend to me becasue I had just kicked Whitney out of my life....SHE PRETENDED TO BE ALL THAT...

I tried to teach her she was worth more then a fucktoy. I tried to build her self-esteem. I gave her comfort. I allowed her to sleep in our bed so she'd not be lonely. THIS IS HOW THAT BITCH REPAID ME?!?!?

MY BOYFRIEND was the one who cleaned her son's remains out of his car and that was the wrong way to handle things. She fandagled us by playing on my empathy -- see I've had a child die too. She kept pushing for more time in my house around my man.

I kept checking in to see if things had crossed over. BOTH LIED BECAUSE THEY WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH EACH OTHER. When she came home from seeing Mandy up in ATX she laughed about how Mandy thought it was so strange that I wouldn't allow us to use her sexually..."Not even blowjobs?" WHORE WAS BLOWING HIM AROUND THAT TIME AND LIED TO MY FUCKING FACE.

She'll blame it on the death. She'll blame it on being crazy. She'll blame it on her sex addiction....

I blame it on the fact that she has NO SELF CONTROL, NO RESPECT FOR FRIENDSHIP OR ANY KIND OF REAL LOVE IN HER HEART....

The person you all 'know' and 'love' is a FRAUD. And as I said in the opening, IF she will do it to ME what makes you think she'd never do it to you...AFTERALL I AM NOT THE ONLY ''CLOSE/GOOD FRIEND/FAMILY SHE'S DONE IT TO...

Man it feels damn good to vent. I can't stop dreaming of crushing her throat under my boot but at least I am being honest about how much this cunt has hurt me,

Lv M
Ps. No shit this doesn't help my cancer or my relationship with Will. I found out she's living in town because another mutual friend helped her get a job. [SHAME ON YOU. I INTRODUCED YOU TO HER AND FEEL YOUR ULTIMATE LOYALITY SHOULD HAVE REMAINED WITH ME. It's why I am not writing you back!] So this crap is eating at me almost as fast as the cancer is taking over my vagina!!

"Been Chasing Down Lost Friends"

Wow. Such amazing facts are coming to light. Finding out that things were said to have my support when in fact they were questioned by me from their INCEPTION.

Went back and tracked down one of my favorite Pussies. I explained the TRUTH to her and got her perspective. Seems SOMEONE had her convinced I had turned on her. What a lying cunt! I am not the one who gave her that treatment. I never supported the other's choice in resolution and yet this friend that I lost told me she was informed of the exact opposite.

TO THE PERSON WHO RUINED MY FRIENDSHIP DUE TO YOUR POOR CHOICES WHICH WERE BASED IN LUST, GREED AND MANIPULATION -- YOU FUCKING SUCK.

But I got the last laugh. Since this person didn't check with me first, I got to make a quick amends. I have a feeling as I go to the people who have pulled away from me whom I know didn't like that person but loved me, I am going hear even more of this bullshit. AFTERALL this lying manipulator was in my life for about five years...

Seems like it's the season for me to find out the truths about this situation AND my last marriage. Oh fucking joy. Luckily for me I am repairing my foundation by just being an honest communicator who took the time to build the friendships from the ground up with hard time and transparency. Unlike the TWO ASSHOLES that both assisted me during those years we were all associated -- my last hubby and this newly former friend.

Great news is that I am painting a mural right now while redoing a kitchen. It is coming out so beautifully and seems to be making my 'client' happy. The mural is happy and light, so it's hard to be filled with too much resentment.

Now how I will feel when I am at TRF -- a place we all shared years together -- is going to be easy. I have gone with the 'invisable to me' choice. Should I run into either of them I will just look right through them as if they weren't there. I will not look away or avoid, but I also will NOT even recognize any vocalizations they may make into my direction. Deaf ears are the most insulting thing to people who really want me to blow up...

Sorry bitches, but I don't blow up like that anymore. I save it up to bring out when policing our parking lot like Batfuckingman!!

Laughing through the pain of realization~
M

We are fucking super heros!! There were two teenagers busting up a safe in the parking area under our apartment. We went out with bat in hand. I started screaming like a crazy mother and Will sent me up stairs. I stomped up the stairs trying to wake our neighbors and yelling for them to get their bats too.[I needed my phone and to make sure my kitten didn't rush out the open door.]

I came back and those little fucks weren't moving fast enough. Will had them scared, but not enough by this Dom's standards. I reentered the 'party' like a bat out of hell.

THIS WAS THEIR MOST UNLUCKY DAY...I have had the most draining emotional day today. Their timing couldn't have been more perfect...I channeled all my hate and frustration right at these 17 year olds...Will was stunned how I came flying back around the corner, jumped in the middle, and began belitting them for not moving fast enough. I made the one kid put the safe down [He tried to lie and say it was his mother's] and together we scared the driver damn near into shitting himself while he put the crowbar into his trunk. [I didn't physically attack them but I was acting like the biggest meanest bitch on the planet and Will looks like Jesus Biker.] The stupid skinny one holding the safe was closest to me. He tried to reach for the safe again and I started calling him "Hat Bitch." I said, "Hat Bitch, you aren't moving fast enough - get your ass in the fucking car NOW."

Will was backing me up perfectly, by playing good cop with a bat. [okay maybe not that good, but compared to psycho bitch from hell he did look like the nicer one.] He kept acting like he was holding me back to protect them while I screamed, "Give me that bat! I am going to bash their tail lights out" and began hollaring out the plate information...They got the fuck outta here, but we didn't trust it.

After I quickly moved the safe nearer our central pathway in the apartments, not thinking I was touching evidence, we began to realize that neither of us really got the plate information. [Turns out that thing was over 40 lbs and I lifted it like it was nothing. Fucking dom rush!] We figured they were scared pretty well, but that they may come back looking for the safe. [That's why I moved it to begin with.]

Will went up stairs to get the cigarettes, because he decided to would wait to see if they came back. I stayed down with the bat. I saw someone I know drive up, so I hid in the stairwell a little bit. Again, perfect timing...

The shits came back. SERIOUSLY. They drove right up to me. I walked directly behind their car and began screaming out [while shaking the bat in their rearview mirror], "4 The LAST NIGHT 220!!" I had it. They backed out of the space slowly because I did move with them. It gave me plenty of time to see what make of the car it was. [Another thing we realized we didn't know for sure.] I kept screaming that plate information at the top of my lungs. Will came running to me and grabbed the bat. They were half way down the driveway at that point. He gave a chase until I told him to get back here.

I went and got paper and pen. I called 911. I wrote down EVERY DETAIL. I described what we saw. I recorded their clothing/descriptions. I included my contact information. [It's so nice to be so legal that you have no fear of cops]

IN LESS THEN 15 MINUTES WE HAD 3 COPS CARS WITH SIX COPS. It was great. They were proud of us for being vigilanties. At one point Will kept touching maybe evidence and I told him if he didn't stop I would hit him with the bat. The cop said if he didn't stop he'd let me. They were uber cool.

We got to watch them dust for prints and look for evidence. We admitted we had both touched the safe. I told them I had an arrest in my past, so they could easily check mine again those. That gave everyone a laugh.[I also found out tonight that Will has never been arrested. Impressive. That may be a first for me!!]

They double checked our notes. We talked about how we handled it. It was so funny to watch the cops squirm when looking at me because I had on a sheer white cotton shirt with no bra. They kept looking and getting nailed. They made it easy to feel good about taking the risk.

About an hour and half passed. The cops called. We just ID'ed the little fuckers by walking right up to the window of the cop car. I laughed and said, "Passenger and Driver" then I flipped them off long and strong while finishing with, "Told you so!". WHAT A FUCKING RUSH.

We are an amazing team. The best part of this is not only had Willbur managed to emotionally get my back today with the other crap I had going on, BUT he literally had my back tonight. My tiger is the sexiest, bravest, most loving MAN on the planet.

Oh and of course, it was amazing to get all that frustration out on a complete stranger!!!! JUSTIFIED!!!

Will and I are now thinking we might want to find out what it takes to be PI's....Legal stalking for pay...sign me up!~

Lv M

After twenty years, I still haven't forgotten. Promise I never will has been kept and carried. Wish I had put a clause in the promise to remember without it hurting so damn much. Please don't be worried if this doesn't make sense. It's not about you. It's not even really about me. It's about a loved one lost.

RIP Robert "Robi" Rudolph Groce III

So there is a female switch in amongst us whom many people have recently begun to admire enough to book her as a presentor at local and s few national level events. Now I have known this whore for about five years and once even had her family considered for the Serpentarium...BEFORE SHE PROVED HERSELF TO BE A COMPLETE AND UTTER PSYCHOPATH!! How are the rest of you so easily bewitched by this cunt??

Since her husband was killed, people have actually asked me to go to her and check on her wellbeing. A member of my own house gave her assistance during that hard time and I saw no need to open myself to any remaining bitterness this bitch may have. I discontinued attending one of my favorite monthly parties and refused invitations to a different club's events knowing it would mean our paths would cross, AFTER trying to avoid her getting in face at the affore mentioned party with little to no avail.

Well at last night's birthday party that BITCH was there. My family had a scene going with Jake in the livingroom. We were all ganging up on our outtatown kitty, jumping in and out. The stupid whore decided to BREAK ALL SCENE PROTOCOLS AND JUMPED INTO OUR SCENE NOT ONLY UNINVITED BUT USING A FAMILY MEMBER AS A FOOTSTOOL SO SHE COULD LUNG HER NAKED BODY ON TOP OF OUR HANGING VICTIM.

The SISTER she stepped on is FURIOUS. I am FURIOUS. The fucking bitch who was doing this knows she is unwelcome near me and mine. She did this intentionally to fuck with me, as she not only waited until I had walked outside for some air but also until Will turned his back to get water!!

This is what my sister asked me to post this morning: hey - can you help me here - i would like to post this to - no internet - library internet will not let me access the site - will you please post this - as is for me -

Lovely lady breutannan - I hope you had a wonderful birthday - thank you so much for inviting me - I was so excited to see such an incredible new play space - I look forward to the evolution - please keep me in mind if there is anything I can do to help you - anytime - had I known you did not have service in the pre and early hectic hours of your day I am sure levi would have been happy to help you - I have been out of the loop for awhile - but I am back - and I brought my son with me - I am sure he will thank you himself - but he really had such a wonderful time - I thank the community for the warm welcome he has received - old friends - new friends - Rebecca please find me - you are just adorable

But now I must address a major fly in the ointment of my evening - we are serpentarium - we are one - we travel as a pack - we eat together - we sleep together - we play together - we invite sooooo many others to join us - BUT - it is by INVITATION - jake I love you sooooo much - to watch the way you paint the canvas of our precious kitty leaves me breathless - you are a true artist - I bow to you - it was such a lovely scene - with various family members drifting in and out at will - when you have that gorgeous long limbed redhead in those compromising positions the scene creates itself - but we failed our dear sister last night - we played and played with her - but no one really took the lead - we share her - we love her - I know the scene was hot - I know you just want to jump in and be a part of it - but wait - think before you act

I apologize dear suzi - somewhere mid-scene I did hear the words “can you hold me” to which I replied “sure” - I was mid-scene - it was the logical answer to a question I was asked - but before I even got the words out of my mouth - you launched yourself over my body - using me to climb on top of my beautifully bound sister - and stick your nasty pussy on her mouth - have you lost your mind? - I know you thrive on drama - but I take this as a personal insult to the entire serpentarium family - it won’t happen again - I had been enjoying our decidedly limited but sincere - at least on my part - attempt at renewed friendship - you slapped me in the face once again - fool me once + shame on you - fool me twice - shame on me - you are a presenter in this community - you are an expert on protocol - so what was it - just because you could? - were you not getting enough attention ? - too fucking bad - you just had to rip off your clothing and literally climb over the top of us - this is a perfect representation 0f why soooooo many people have a “problem” with you -

I say this now - to you specifically - and to the entire community at large - keep your stinking pussy off my family - unless you are invited to put your stinking pussy on us - because some of us like stinking pussy - just not yours - do I speak for the family? Yes I do - because I am the head spokesman for the family? - no - because I am the oldest? - no - because I have the biggest mouth? - no - because I woke up first - I am sure the other famly members will express their own opinions as they come to life this morning -

But let me end this post by saying - thank you to the lovely lady breutannen and all my friends and family - it was a wonderful party - we had a great time - the next time you have a party I hope you will allow us to help you with dm’s - I know - we all wonder why we need dm’s at these lovely kinky family gatherings - but the fact is - we do

I love you dear lady - you are a goddess - xxooxx

msdi

We are ALL in agreement. Let it be publicly known and noted that from this day forward if you see that certain bitch anywhere near me there could be a problem. I am tired of being the bigger/nicer person and just walking away. I am not threatening anyone, but I am trying to make it very clear that if she and I are in the same room, and SHE does anything to antagonize me, I will no longer hold my temper.

We had a blast at the party. Sorry if this causes problems in the aftermath, but such is life when stupid bitches think they can do whatever they want in a place where there are rules of behavior. You know how you can tell she is stupid? BECAUSE SHE HAS FUCKED WITH ME!!

M

Dear Everyone:

I know I seem to have blipped off the planet again -- and in some ways I have -- but rest assured I am still around.

I just have not been physically up to par lately. I seem to have a new problem under my 'better' shoulder that has decided the best way to make me aware of it would be to cause severe pain by cramping at random moments. Tiger balm has become my best friend and I am lucky to date someone who thinks it smells sexy.

I am also incrediably busy trying to get my older child into college. This would be so much easier if she would just let me do it all for her -- IF I WOULD AGREE TO THAT. I am trying to get her to do it for herself; just like I did.

We went to the campus on Monday. It's the same school I went to, even if it was a decade ago. I got to see some of my former profs and left notes for the ones who still worked there but weren't around.

One of my favorites was the first one I ran into. He told me they often get calls for muralists. I gave him my contact information to pass on and got the information about who to talk to so I can get back on their call list for figure models.

Figure modeling doesn't pay as well as fetish porn but it is much easier work in some ways. Definately less messy! I am working on getting myself set up on a semi-regular schedule with select art opportunities that I have always been aware of but unexcited about pursuing. Face it ~ if I can make more money faster why wouldn't I?

I haven't seen many of the Snake since Sinfest. I tried calling some of them. One in particular needs to check in with me about her health. If she still can't, then hopefully I will see her at the wedding reception next Saturday for our other friends.

This weekend is going to be crazy busy. Friday night we are staying in town so Will can go to the WaterSnake BeachFront Resort for the D & D game they have planned. I will be spending my time that night either in the pool hanging out or sleeping here if this pain hasn't subsided by then.

Saturday we have to get up early and haul it up to Outtatown kitty's place. Will is scheduled to help with some fence building and hog traps this weekend. We have to come back Sunday afternoon. I am hoping to make a stop in Conroe to see Ron, if he's available. I HAVE to call and find out.

Monday I have the pre-school year meeting for my son. I pray he is graduating this year. High School has been a struggle for him, but not because he is stupid. His IQ test proved he's not. [Except for math. But that's genetic.] We have to be on campus to meet with the staff to plan a method of attack to get him finished this year.

I couldn't be happier at the possibility of this being the last year of these kinds of meetings. It's been a long ass struggle. I have learned so much about ADHD, Dyslexia's many faces/aspects, and children who are musically gifted. I have surprised them with clever techniques and traditional methods backed by research and/or personal experiences at every single one of these bi-annual meetings, yet I never come away from them feeling like enough is getting accomplished other then giving this year's staff a clear expectation for the type of student my child tends to be...it's so frustrating.

Damn the pain is back. Typing seems to really aggrivate the shit out of it. Guess the fates are telling me to take a break. Anyhow, can't wait for both schools to start and to get myself on some kind of routine. Summer makes me a little crazy and the instability of schedules really makes me worse~

Lv M

Fucking people who steal are the worst fuckers on the planet. YET AGAIN MY FUCKING TOYS HAVE BEEN STOLEN FROM ME...

The first time was a series of thefts from my home by community members who attended my parties on Triway. Eventhough I was kind enough to put my stuff out to share and took extreme measures to make sure my guests had everything they needed, SOME FUCKERS felt that maybe I had it too good. How were they to know we had to file for bankruptacy? I am sure to the outside world it seemed like we were living large...eitherway those assholes took my shit.

The second time it happened was about five years ago when Lord Viper/Kerry packed my shit with his and then locked it in his car so he could leave in the morning to go see his whore. That night in the driveway of our home everything was cleared out. After I told him I seriously questioned his judgement.

AND NOW TODAY...I go to get a bag out of my trunk that had all the spices for making chinese food because I was making a huge oriental influenced buffett for all the kids and family around here...I noticed my car's unlocked. I haven't used my car in almost two months because I don't have insurance, but the last time I did I remember locking the driver's side...evidently the passenger forgot...

They got my Chanel No. 5 perfume. They took my Cd's. Then they must have popped the trunk. MY TOY BAG HAD BEEN LEFT IN THERE AFTER A LONG TRIP. I guess it slipped my mind.

The first flog I was ever presented with is gone. My matching purple and black floggers are gone. My quirt that Max Rulz gave me is gone. I am not sure what else.

On the month that the SSI ended for one of my kids. When all the money I slaved to earn HAS to go to bills. AND NOW I CAN'T TAKE A FLOGGING CLIENT OR PERFORM AND/OR TEACH FLOGGING...which just so fucking happens to be what I am famous for...

I am so angry. I DON'T STEAL EVER. Ever! The only time I ever took anything it was only to prove I could and I went back to where I took it from and put it back before it was ever missed. [And I was about 14]

I am so depressed to have lost my shit yet again. I am glad I have more stuff at home, but shit. Those were my favorites.

Oh and they got the black leather coffin case given to me by EROS 1207...if I see a fucking teenager with it, I promise you I will be arrested for ASSAULT. They were the ONLY shop in town I could find that product in and they only stocked about five of them at most. It was the perfect size for my shit.

Man am I pissed.

M

Holy shit. 11 days. No net. No time.

I have spent the days down in Baytown working as an interior decorator. Y'all do realize I have a BA in Art and once was given a scholarship for my talents? Well folks - I was using my degree...

In a home completely full of objects we managed to switch rooms for the bedroom, office, living/dining, a sewing room AND the hall. We had to move every single piece of furniture three times. Example:

We started by deconstructing what was once a bedroom. We put everything from there into the room that would become the new sewing room. We took out all the books from the shelves and cleared out the closet.

Once it was all relocated we began the custom paint job. Did you know that trim high gloss paint is hard as shit to get to not streak when painting built ins? This room got two colors, so it took us extra long.

Anyhow, before we could move the items from the other rooms into here we had to figure out if we could fix the cement floors or not. Time won and the floors were out. Thankfully the items going into the office were from another room we had planned to conquer next.

God, I am too tired to try to explain it all. And too damn sore. Let's just say it like this.

eleven days one hundred and eight hours worked with one day off. my arms are so sore that I am going numb while typing this. I missed parties and photo shoots. Will and I managed to stay sweet enough to each other, considering the work load and pressure.

Yes we work together on projects. Yes we are a great team. And yes, it does wear on the nerves to work this closely but we have done it all along and manage just fine.

So I may not be really thought provoking for a few days yet. When Razor sends me the pix I will post them for all to see~

Lv M

Kinky Insomnia

Hormones are the strangest intruders in my life currently. Being near my 'croaning' phase of life they have various affects when it's "that time". Physically, I feel like hell each month and most of the time twice a month! It drains the very life source from the depths of my bones, which rattle and ache each time too. The whole damn thing puts me completely out of sorts and cause my home to go into 'eggshell' mode, even if not consciously.

While I enjoy the space, attention and affections of my kitties during these points of agony -- for they are very good kitties who treat me like a true princess -- I hate how the last night of "that time" is sleepless for me! I mean just at the peak of drained energy, I am forced by the will of the gods to avoid being able to attain that feeling of drowsiness pre-requisition-al [sp?] before obtainment of dream-state...FUCKING INSOMNIA SUCKS...

It sucks really hard if you are the sleep partner too! Poor Will tried to stick with me all night last night...It wasn't helping that he was extremely horny ["that time" is a tease and denial time for the Tiger] and I was being relentless. I kept snuggling into him and biting/feeding slowly style all over his body. He’s so damn yummy.

He kept whining about needing his dick drained. I love it when he begs for release – especially when he knows I am not feeling up to it but still wanting it. This enjoyment of torment meant I was going to do all kinds of fun stuff while he suffered! I nibbled on his ears and whispered, “Just because we can’t doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I do. Badly.”

To make it even more entertaining, I decided to draw all over him with markers. Lying on a single mattress in front of the TV, I pulled the box of art supplies over to us. Lately my artistic tastes have been drawn to the peacock colors – blues and greens. I proceeded to do a random art piece along his side from about a third of the way around to his tummy and back. It was very detailed and seemed to particularly tickle the Tiger. So cute!

After a while I got bored with this piece and moved a little lower and more to the center. Taking his cock in my hand, I began one of the more detailed abstract drawings I have ever done. Sure it looked all bruised when the scene finished, but at it’s completion it was lovely!

Once the underside’s piece was complete, I flipped it over and wrote MICHELLE’S in big purple letters! Quite impressive since I wrote it upside down and backwards from my position! He always likes it when I stamp myself on him…

Since he hasn’t got any action in days I felt really badly for him. I was being so amused and he was being so good. He deserved a reward…blow job for the kitty!!

Let me tell you now – even nontoxic markers taste like crap – but if you have a good relationship your partner might find the purple lips you come back with funny and worth the flavor!

At two am the whole shebang was finished. Purple, blue and green covered messes all over our skin were ignored. Orgasm brought the much needed sleep drug. After cleaning up the mess, we crawled into bed with outtatownkitty and slept in this morning.

Kink – it does a body gooooooooooood.

Lv M

Defining my ‘role’ in a “Little/Big” relationship:

I have really been looking at where I am in terms of female to female relationships. At this point in my life, I truly appreciate the affections of women but have no desire to explore them in terms of sexuality. I have always considered myself bisexual because I have had relationships with women where I allowed sexual exchanges, even if some were in the pretense of a three-some. After my last divorce I did enter in a sexual dynamic with a female that ended horribly [because she is a psycho-bitch] and all that did was reaffirm my disinterest in those activities.

*A similar situation also arose after the demise of my first marriage, as well. I just realized that while writing this. Hmmm, a new personal pattern develops. Mental note to self: Stay away from women who want a girl/girl sexual relationship with me too closely after any divorce. [Hopefully, I will never marry again so this advice will be unneeded.]

From the women who have served beneath me in the past, I learned – for me – I fair best with dynamics that are based on a mutual concern for each other’s mental and emotional well-being. As their dominant, I served as their confidant, advisor, mentor and shrink. We have worked on their issues with their upbringings, interpersonal/sexual relationships and discovery of self. They have a good deal of self-awakening, maturing and life skill adaptation through a process of blogging/journaling/discussion, resulting in their examination of their own patterns and the patterns they perpetuate with those whom they love. I try to guide them to learn from my experiences and mistakes, as well as the pitfalls I have observed in others’ lives. Together we help them see the true strength in submission.

Now I am pondering how to take this skill and transfer it into a “Little/Big” relationship. Well, after an honest self-evaluation of level of commitment I have come to the conclusion the Mommy role is NOT the one I am ready to provide a partner. I still have two teens at home and do not need more of it. Maybe once my nest is empty, but right now it would hamper my ability to create the balance/dynamic at the level I would want so as to provide a Mommy who could take care of everything. So what does that leave me?

I considered the possibility of having my “little” Top developing a playmate dynamic with some of the local “littles”, but that just seems to be less then what I feel would work best for all of us. My little is so damn picky about when she wants to take the lead that I wouldn’t want to make plans and then not feel it. While it could be silly and fun, I want something a little more enriching.

I think I have found an answer that works for me. “Auntie MiMi” is going to be the name I give to the special “littles” in my world. It will be our signal that they need/want that energy to develop between us. Let me tell you the ‘back-story’ I have honed for Auntie MiMi….

She’s the cool aunt. The one who might have you visit for a short period during the summer or occasional weekends, she is the one who took you swimming, made special days for you and was available when you needed emotional support. She is a positive female influence who shows you the delights of life. She might be a little like your mom or dad, but just a little off-the-norm. When your mom/dad doesn’t seem to understand you, she gets you. She talks to you as a person and not always a child. Sure, she encourages you to enjoy your childhood, and to make the most of what life has to offer, but she recognizes you are a human with real feelings and thoughts.

This means in terms of negotiating with my little friends I will provide a part-time relationship. It won’t always have the type of focus my in-house 247’s get, but it does promise that the time we spend together will be special and planned. It gives us both something to look forward to, while giving space for ‘vanilla life’.

If you are someone who needs to live as a little, this would NOT be the arrangement for you! It would be best for any FREE RANGE SUBS who want to explore the dynamic on a limited basis. It would be fine in addition to another BDSM relationship, should you be open to poly. [Of course this means if you need me to negotiate our relationship with your dominant that I will - beside you and not alone.]

I also can’t really be there daily. I have a very busy life, but will always make time for you if you really need me. I would prefer to keep up with the menial stuff via email, so you must be prepared for that. My phone is rarely turned on, but when it is you are welcome to call. Otherwise it is required you leave a message and drop an email in case of something very important to you. I will not track you down unless you drop off the radar. It is your responsibility to check in with me!

When possible my “littles” will get trinket presents from each play date. Small tokens representing our time together where some will be tools to use in their other relationships [such as the NO NO Barbies] and others will be just to bring a smile to their faces. Cool aunts always spoil kids with such things!

Coloring and drawing are some of my favorite kid activities. Ask anyone who has ever come to my home – I have alllllll the needed supplies. I will have a special ‘art gallery’ in my home for things they give to me. [One side of my fridge is already dedicated to the ones family have done!]

We can plan sleepovers. We can eat pizza and ice cream. Video games are always big hit around here too. It’s all about snuggling in and relaxing! No grown up pressures!

I truly enjoy playing dress-up. I have fun costume stuff for boys and girls, so this is not limited to one or the other. For the little girls only: I will do your hair in piggies and braids with ribbons. You never have to do it again!!

I cannot afford to dress you. That will always be your own responsibility. I would love to be there when you pick things out, but I can’t pay for them. Plus it saddens me when I see former relationships wearing things I bought them after they have moved on. Sorry, I am just not that cool of an Aunt.

*I don’t even have to always have an empty house for these, as my kids both have been taught how to deal with “littles”. [Cross-dressers and transgendered too! They love men in drag and folks who are sexually ambiguous!!]

As for BDSM and sexual play, well it will be extremely limited. I am not looking for that side of topping. I see no sexual attraction to the little mind-set. If you need to be punished with spanking, don’t expect it from me. My form of punishment is corner time or time-out. I do not reward bratty behavior ever, but instead offer a series of fun rewards for well behaved children. Also, there will never be any form of humiliation in my house! Should you be an ill-behaved child, you will quickly not be welcome here either. Better learn to play nicely with others!!

I think I have covered the basics. Of course, I know each different little will have their negotiations detailed to expound on points that will be individualized to their own needs. I also will be developing a list of questions so I can understand what needs that they have for me to fulfill. After all, it’s all about the exchange, right?

So give me some feedback. I need to know if what I am looking for is just not something anyone is interested in. For those who are, am I heading down a feasible direction?

Lv M

Today's playlist quiz! I know I promised this MONTHS ago, but I get distracted easily!! Anyhow, this time I gave you the first letters of every word in the title and the band name -- SO DON'T FORGET TO GUESS ON BOTH!!

• Y_ L_ [I n_ a D_ W_] by P_ F_
  • Will some cold woman in this desert land
    Make me feel like a real man?
    Take this rock and roll refugee
    
• B_ B_ by  L_ S_
  • Well, she's shakin' that thing (Bam-ba-Lam)
    Boy, she makes me sing (Bam-ba-Lam)

• W_ P_ by The A_ B_
  • I don't know why,
    I let that mean woman make me a fool

• R_ C_ by M_
  • PULL UP YOUR PANTS
    STEP OUT, TAKE A CHANCE

• H_ M_ by S_ H_
  • Tight pants and lipstick
    She's riding on razor's edge
    She holds her own against the boys
    Cuts through the crowd just like a wedge

• E_ W_ Yo_ by B_ S_
  • You crave attention--you can never say "no"
    Throw your affections anyway the wind blows
    You always make it--you're on top of the scene
    
• F_ F_ A_ by T_ N_
  • The stakes are high and so am I

• M_ W_ F_ T_ by D_ P_
  • Talk about her like a queen
    Dancing in a eastern dream

• I W_ Y_  [S_ s_ H_] by T_ B_
  • It’s driving me mad, it’s driving me ...
    She’s so heavy heavy, heavy, heavy

• W_ L_ L_ by L_ Z_
  • I'm gonna give ya my love/Ah
    I'm gonna give ya every inch of my love/Ah
    
• L_ H_ M_ by T_ D_
  • Don't ya love her as she's walkin' out the door
    Like she did one thousand times before
    
• H_-T_ W_ by T_ R_ S_
  • She blew my nose and then she blew my mind.
    
• N_ S_ T_ [N_ M_ N_] by T_ G_ W_
  • In the silence of her mind
    Quiet movements where I can find
    Grabbing for me with her eyes
    Now I’m falling from her skies

• H_ of T_ D_ by N_
  • Talkin' jivey, poison ivy
    You ain't gonna cling to me
    Man taker, born faker
    I ain't so blind I can't see
    
• W_ T_ W_ by A_
  • See-saw swingin' with the boys in the school
    And your feet flyin' up in the air
    Singin' hey diddle diddle
    With your kitty in the middle of the swing like you didn't care

• R_ N R_ F_ by B_ C_
  • Here come the dancers, one by one,
    Your momma's callin' but you're having fun,
    
• B_ M_ R_ by C_ C_ R_
  • Hope you got your things together.
    Hope you are quite prepared to die.
    Looks like we're in for nasty weather.
    One eye is taken for an eye.

• F_ B_ G_ by Q_
  • She was such a naughty nanny!
    Hey big woman you made a bad boy out of me!

• F_ L_ by J_ H_
  • I'M GONNA TAKE YOU HOME YEAH
    I WON'T DO YOU NO HARM NO
    YOU GOT TO BE ALL MINE, ALL MINE

• L_ by T_ K_
  • Well we drank champagne and danced all night
    Under electric candlelight
    She picked me up and sat me on her knee
    And said little boy won't you come home with me
    
• G_ E_ by K_
  • Then you feels these eyes from the stage
    And you see me staring at you
    And you hear between the lines, my voice is calling to you
    
• D_ W_ by REO S_[Really? Not sure!]
  • Cross the highways of fantasy
    Help me to forget today's pain

Over the past few years something new has emerged in our area... We have more people developing sides of themselves and dynamics based on the "littles" concept. I will admit at first this held no appeal to me other then they are fun to have as friends at parties. [They bring barbies and like to color!] As time has passed, my fascination has become an understanding of sorts. It's with the "little girls" I feel the closest bond.

I know what it feels like to be a scared little girl with a naughty side just looking for the person who could make you feel safe, love you inspite of your temper/behavior and perhaps even help you grow up. I have that kind of feeling when my "five year old" comes out.

My five

My five is a DOMINANT SADIST. I have no idea if she is trying to work through my feelings of powerlessness as a child [which there were many of, as I always felt like an adult trapped in a child's body] OR if she is the very core of the mean bitch I am in total.

She's the one who IS a princess. She can be beguilling and cute, but who will stomp her feet, pout and whine to get her way in the end should you not become entraced by her delights. If all else fails, she will just hit you and take what she wants.

She is also the instigator when it comes to fighting what is, "NOT FAIR". Thankfully, she is not the one who manages the attacks; for if so, they would not sound logical or educated and would fall on deaf ears. Her battles would all end with things like, "doodie-headed monkey boy!"

She is also the top part of me that enjoys being obnoxious in my sadistic techniques. She's the tickler. She's the poker. She's the one who will pull your pigtails as you skip on by. Those who have met her [Tanya could explain for sure] find her to be quite fun to bottom to, as it is perferred by her to make you giggle - not cry.

Because this side of me is identified and welcomed, she is actually well adjusted. But because she is childlike herself, she can not be the full-time dominant in a relationship. I don't think I could ever set up a dynamic as a little top to a little bottom, should this even exist.

My thoughts on how a little dynamic would work for me

For that dynamic to work for me, I feel my MommyDommy side would have to be tapped into. I am not sure if it's because I AM a mom, or because I have that instinct, but where the 'littles' are involved I generally feel more like a mentor/mother. They have that childlike vunerablity which draws out the protective lionness within me.

I want to clarify this is definately NOT sexual. If anything, it couldn't be because so many of the little girls I know are stuck in this spot at time because of a sexual abuse's timing in their personal chronology. [Not all littles btw - just SOME were abused. This is common amongst subs for some strange reason.] I would never want the kink to dredge up that shit, although I could see myself helping someone work through it should this situation arise. Eitherway, I don't see this as an area within the kinkworld that I would taint with sexuality. I'd want it to have a more pure love.

Maybe the appeal is to have the little girl my daughter no longer is. [She just graduated this year and her baby brother is in line next for the honor at the end of the new school year.] Perhaps I am preparing myself for the empty nest. It may only be subconsciously, but I do know it could easily be an underlying factor in my curiousity.

Also when my daughter was little she DIDN'T like to let me dress her up and do her hair - she wanted to do it all herself. She also didn't like to play with me, as her brother was her best amusement. So it could be my way of having that lost time in a way I control. I am not sure.

How I am going to explore this side of me

I am NOT going to take on a little full-time just yet. Okay, that's not totally true, as Will has a five year old in him that I already enjoy and tap into. Let me rephrase it...I am not going to start an additional relationship one on one with a specific little aside from the one already in my established dynamic.

I AM going to start doing things with my friends who already have a little they identify and relish. I have two in particular that I have become overtly endeared to -- princess and celli. They have both expressed an eagerness to come and play with the kitties.

Oh what fun this could be!! I would love the kitties to get a chance to really embody their element. Hell I might even make them ears and tails just to really get into it. We could lay out all the guest bedding to have a mat for them to wrestle around on.

I want to bring the girls over. We could bake cookies and have a tea party! They could color and/or play with my goth dollies. The kitties could come torment them while they do stuff. To make sure, I will put big bows in the girl's ponytails that dangle just low enough when they sit on the floor to tempt them!!

Oh this could be big fun. The girls could cuddle with the kitties and take a nap if they want. Whatever works for everyone.

No whips. No canes. No chains. Just pure fun.

Now, just to pick a date. This isn't going to be a public party, but a gathering of these select friends. Wonder what's going on in August...OR perhaps the end of this month??

Eitherway, it's on my mind....like so much else lately...lv M

My collars - past and present

The ONLY formal collar I ever gave was to my wife. We were together about three years when we found the perfect one. It was a silver band type choker necklace. My dear friend, Mistress Max Rulz had given me a lovely pendant - a silver heart with a lovely purple stone [my favorite color] that we would put on it to personalize it to reflect my ownership. This was her formal collar. She was to wear it to special events, but not daily. When we broke up, it was not the one I kept...

See I have this tiny metal lock box thingie that my last hubby used to keep his night vision in with several trinkets from former people who served under me. It helps me remember what lessons I learned from each experience. *See I do have a slice of sentimentality left in my cold, black heart!

The one I have from my time with Kimi is locked away in my little box of memories is my 'everyday' collar. It's a silver chain with a "Brain" character charm hanging off it that we got in Mexico during this insane road trip to Arizona. We've been broken up a long time - I was crazy and she needed to return to Vanilla Land - but I still get tears when I hold it. nothing lasts forever

Now the really closer readers might have noticed I said "MY" everyday collar. This is one variant in the collar tradition that I apply to my collar[s]. When I bestow an everyday one on someone I also obtain one for myself. They are generally related to the relationship and show different aspects of our dynamic. When they are away from me, this bonds us to each other. Think of it like a child with a woobie -- it gives them comfort and security.

In my situation with my wife, we were like Pinkie and the Brain -- I'd come up with some idea and she'd be there to help me impliment it. Dangerous, silly and supportive - that's Kimi! Kimi wore the Pinky one and I know for a fact she still has it. We've recently opened a new line of communication. Turns out there was a point where she really needed me and didn't have any way to track me down. I will never allow that to happen again...she's just lucky I stalked her ass down...Funny how some bonds can last longer then you think...and how a lost sub will find their way home when they need the protective love of a good Dom!

Some people - even after a year - never get something new to signify the relationship. Richard was one of those. For his symbol of position I opted for a leather wrist band on the appropriate arm. He was a switch with a machisimo background that prevented him from relishing anyone identifying him as "my boy". This way only the Leather people could read the clue and the panSEXuals would be in the dark. To clarify this between the two of us, I felt it would be best that he chose an item he already owned to give an outward signal of the inner connection. It's a nice piece of leather with a silver bar across the front a friend of his made for him. When he moved out he left it where I could see it as an outward sign of the end of our deal.

There are no tears when I look at this one. Only the reminder that if I feel the need tell someone that fucking me will ruin our friendship that I just should never fuck them. We would have been better off as friends. Now he considers me dead and that's really how my heart feels in terms with him too. Sad but true. People come and people go

The final one belonged to someone who is still in my life, but not as closely as she was at first. She knows who she is and the truth of the story. Anyhow, this piece of jewerly was sort of a collar, but not completely. It was more of a symbol of our mentorship dynamic and an outward sign that she was protected. The negotiation was very loose and probably should have been more structured, as I see clearly in reflection

She purchased them for us one afternoon while we were out selling ads for the first Sinfest. The timing seemed perfect and they happened to have these matching rings in both our sizes and on sale! It's a silver band with a heart pendant dangling off it. The heart has a key hole in it - much like a lock. This seem to be a perfect symbol. I am a big believer in fate. I saw it as a sign. I didn't make her purchase these, she wanted to. I figured as long as she had it on, she was thinking of me. I also watched for when she took it off.

As fate would have it, she lost it the weekend we went to our annual Serpentarium family reunion at TRF [texas renaissance festival]. This was her first invite and we had the whole situation that earned her the pussy name of "WillyNillyPussy". It was the weekend that she got her family obligations confused with a budding relationship that happened to be very distracting.

Suffice to say, when we got home I took mine off and locked it in the box. The bond wasn't working and I knew it. We weren't in the same place by that point and she needed the space to experiment without guidance. We are still friends and family, but are both working on getting nearer to where we started and further from where things got.

While it wasn't a traditional agreement and/or collar it is still a symbol to me. It reminds me sometimes the fates move faster then people are ready for. I should have held those feelings back and given her more 'free range space' from the beginning. I should have not allowed her to purchase me that ring. [But in my defense it is so shiny and pretty!]

Now Will's collar is a multitude of symbols. First, neither of us purchased them - they were a gift from our dear sister, Virginia. To me this was a sign that the family I trusted most was ready to see us truly commit. Consciously or not.

It is a brass coin dangling from a simple black chord. On one side a tiger has been pressed and there are snakes on the other. He wear his Snake side out to show his attachment to us with his Tiger side closest to his heart. I wear mine on the reverse. To us this symbolizes who the owner and pet are to the outside word while reminding us that keep aware that we must love ourselves before we can love the other side of the coin. Mine is kept between my boobs most of the time, so if you want to see this, please politely ask him to show you.

For me, the weight of the collar emotionally does not require some public ceremony. It's a very private thing. I do not set up any big family hoopladoopla nor make some big public announcement. I feel to do so just invites more people into the relationship. I just wait until I can look them in the eye and say, "If you want to be mine put this on." [Of course we've already negotiated everything BEFORE this moment; hell, it took a year or so if you remember how I feel about this.]

Afterall, the core experience of a traditional wedding was a method of introducing each family to the newest member of their klans and whom it alligned them with. By making it a public thing, it serves a similar purpose even if people don't realize it. I have a thing for rituals - consider it a part of working on developing my own cult. For what I have learned - the best way to build such a thing is to adapt other traditions and/or mindsets that worked for others.

Since the collar is the highest level of possiblities for my dynamic with Will, as we are NEVER going to marry each other, I take extra seriously. I feel naked if I take it off. If he removes his I notice immediately. The only time I remove mine is when I have to 'dress fancy' and occassionally I just risk looking tacky to keep it on.

We've spent time examining the symbols. We have talked about what it means to us. Lately more then ever. Could be because I am so focused on the topic...awww the stupid shit that gets stuck in my craw...

Well, today's laundry day around here. UGLY. I'd rather sit and write all day. I really do have other topics I want to talk about...

Expect upcoming blogs to cover - NEGOTIATING WITH A LITTLE...DIFFERENT COLLARS AND LEVELS OF COMMITMENTS...THE NO NO ZONE BARBIE and much more!

In the meantime - it's time to "Detroit Rock City" around here~

Lv M [A proud KISS fan who happens to be rocking with her son to a just KISS playlist right now]

Today I am going to share with you dear readers a little something I learned when I entered this community over a decade ago as an unattached bottom/subbiegirl. That's right peeps! I wasn't identifying as a Top/Dom/MagnamousGoddess at the time.

Anyhow ~ One of the BEST things my elders taught me was that if you were looking at someone as a possible partner, it never hurt to ask around about them and observe them to be sure they were what I thought. Easy enough in some ways, but challenging in others - as I was new and without all the resources I have on hand today...

I learned to not only asking the person in question's friends but also the people who were not fond of them. Friends tend to be biased and enemies tend to tell their truths. It was through practing this techinique as a bottom that I learned the value it would bring me as a top. I still do this before truly befriending people because of how attached I get to those I choose to call friends. [It's a million times worse for those who try to become a Snake, I promise.]

I also do it for my friends when they are looking at new people to play with. The HUGE difference now -- I have contacts all over the damn world to pull from. Knowing tons of people helps me sooooooooooo much.

Right now I am doing one for a young lady here in town. She's seeing someone who relocated to Houston, but has a history in his former location with a group I have heard others mention. So I dropped about ten notes. My contacts are doing their homework, as I write.

Hopefully all I will get back are glowing reports. I truly want this person to be what he seems. I have already warned him about my jaded opinions of male dominants and that I am approaching the whole thing with skepticism. Guess we will all have to wait and see.

I have another friend I am considering doing this for, but I doubt she will listen. She tends to ignore all warning signs once she has her mind set on something. MAYBE her history was just bad luck. MAYBE it wasn't because she made rash choices in where to invest her love. Maybe she HAS learned even though she's not done any exercises to reflect on the common points of dismay and what traits she tolerates that always cause this unrest - not to mention her responsiblity in picking those jerks. MAYBE...

And maybe the sky is purple today. I haven't looked out the window yet. I could be wrong~

Lv M

I have a beef. I need to vent. Here it comes. WATCH OUT FOLKS THIS BITCH IS GOING TO BLOW AND IT MIGHT OFFEND THE FUCK OUT OF SOME OF YOU BUT I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT. This is my opinion is mine alone and not the general consensious [sp?] of The Serpentarium, so don't hold what I say against them. Okay with that disclaimer given, on with the rant...

In the past I made mistakes where I took engagement rings too soon, but I gave those back....I have only once made that mistake where it came to a collar and it was one I accepted -- not extended. This rant is going to be about those who extend and accept them too quickly, untainted by that though...

WHAT THE FUCK? How the hell does one know they want to take on the level of commitment that the collar holds in just a few short months? Lately I have witnessed people running amuck slapping collars on people in days!

It's like they are laying claim on whomever shows an interest without really getting to know them. How do you know the quality of the worship you receive if you don't know if the person bestowing it is of quality or not? How the hell do you judge this so quickly???

AND TO THOSE OF YOU ACCEPTING THESE SITUATIONS: What the hell is wrong with you? Are you so desperate to serve and be loved that you don't take the precaution of getting to know the other person?

To get a collar from me, someone has to show their devotion for over a year...I understand the first year is just a honeymoon period and that true commitment has to be cured over time, like a fine wine. By the time I am open to offer it, the person has already shown me what to expect of them. If they can manage to adapt to my ways and training, along with exceeding MY expectations, then they deserve to be tagged by me. My collar is special and is treasured because it is earned through loyality, devotion and perservance through harder times. WHY ON EARTH WOULD I TRUST SOME RANDOM PERSON TO BE ALL THIS IN DAYS, WEEKS OR MONTHS EVEN?

But I am not just a weekend warrior. I truly have lived this full-time for my life, for my career and for my happiness. I don't get a day off from being a dominant, especially since I have two teenagers still at home! I can't imagine trying to hide this and live vanilla again. The people I commit to have to be able to do the same. For many it's all a fantasy life, but for me it's every single day's reality and those lucky enough to get submerged in mine tend to have a great time while they are...I guess what I am trying to say is that I am just sick of watching the traditions I was taught by much more experienced lifestylers get tossed around like cheap trash!

Call me a bitch, then tell me I am wrong -- I DARE YOU.

M

In the Serpentarium we have many people who identify with animals...We have a puppy and several kitties...I have been lucky enough to be able to tap into each of them in one way or another...

When the puppy was with me, she wasn't a puppy to me - our relationship focused on servitude and bottoming - so I can't share her perspective of how this term is defined for her....BUT I am currently involved with THREE friggin kitties! Luckily for them, I identify as a cat owner and part cat myself so we play well together....

One of these kitties is full time 247 live-in - my loving pet tiger, Will. His cat identity is not full time, as we have plenty of vanilla responsiblities that require him to work during the day, but when he gets home it's almost always in pet mode. From day one I defined PET in this relationship as a priority, as it was the intital jump into kink for him and something he obviously held in high esteem. [servitude and bottoming limits were also put in place at this point according to what each of us felt were the priority for each]

For us, I defined PET as Perfectly Entertaining Treat...His purpose is to do whatever it takes to keep me entertained and happy. Having a good deal of experience with newbies as my primary bottom relationship helped me to KNOW what I wanted in terms of entertainment and happiness.

His PET responsiblities include:

1. First off he is a FUCKTOY. This means he is to be available for my sexual amusement at MY whim. Occassionally it means he doesn't get sex when he wants it and/or doesn't get to cum if I want to make it only about me.
2. It delights me to have my coffee made and brought to me in the mornings before he goes to work. He handles this for me even if we stop to get coffee on a road trip. [He's also helped me with my diet by slowly weaning my sugar and creamer levels.]
3. He must perform where ever and whenever I want. He hates to do stage, but accepts now that it is part of the gig so he better suck it up. [He never wanted to do Secret Lives of Women, yet he did!]
4. He bottoms to me and ONLY me, unless I set up something different with a closely trusted dominant. He is my primary and my alpha boy - which includes the duty of topping any new additions to our pod [such as the other pets and the 'children' who pop in and out] and a whole 'nuther definition of my expectations of my primaries and AlphaBoy.
5. Financially he is responsible for his debts that do not involve me - phone, storage, insurance etc - but is required to contribute money to the house hold expenses. The light bill is in his name, but the lease is in mine. I cover the majority of the expense and we hope to accrue a savings for him while he's with me to prepare for the day he choses to leave.
6. In terms of chores around the house, I divide all work between those who live here with assistance from friends who come frequently and want to help by serving in some way. He helps me in any project I choose to take on. [I do hope to have a sissy maid on call at some point to take this burden off all our backs, but I am not actually looking too hard.]

His PET BEHAVIORS include:

1. Meowing when he's hungry and/or horny. Each has their own sound and I have learned to tell the difference.
2. When I am at my desk working and he wants attention, he crawls over to my desk and wiggles around by my feet just like a real cat. My response is to scratch under his chin, around his ears and basically snuggle him. IF I am too busy I might either use him as a foot stool OR I kick him away lightly.
3. Like many real life kitties, he is an innate 'sleep drug'. If he calls me into the bedroom for a nap, it is damn hard to resist -- as I am well aware of how soundly he can get me to sleep. Just like a real kitty, he is so darn snuggly!
4. He likes to bite. His favorite spots tickle the shit out of me, so this often ends up in rough play/wrestling. It's really like taking the tiger by the toe...He plays this way with the out of town kitty when she comes, as they are playmate switches with him granted top authority as per the agreement.

MY RESPONSIBILIES TO HIM:

1. I provide a 'normal' homelife. I manage the household. I cook all the meals. I do the grocery shopping and bill paying.
2. I pay attention to his sexual and maso needs and tend to them in creative ways. [I have definately learned more CBT tricks with this boy!]
3. I help him learn about topping and provide dynamics where he can earn his stripes on experienced/well trained people.
4. He has the golden ticket to all events I am involved with, often resulting in being treated like a rock star.
5. I worship and adore him in kitty mode, plus the whole relationship/experience is built on a positive affirmation technique void of verbal abuse and emotional neglect so his growth is not only guided but also encouraged.
6. I do NOT micro-manage his life, but it's pretty damn close. We discuss all things that go on in our lives and with our extended family as equals, but with my experience weighing in heavily and my final judgements accepted.
7. I stand by his choices and help him choose things that will help rather than hurt him. This extends to business decisions to relationships with others. IF he even needs support for one of his friends I am here for him.

Now with the other two kitties, I have different dynamics. I am not the owner of either of them, nor truly is Will. They are two of the family members whom we have chosen to bring closer to us due to an affection for each. Both are free-range subs and have other play partners.

Outta town kitty is with both of us. Primarily she is Will's pet and learning bottom. With me its more of a dom/sub dynamic with pet appreciation mixed in. We love her very much and enjoy the abundant amount of time we have been spending with her lately. She is a big ball of energy and brings a ton of fun into our normally quiet lives.

Local kitty has recently found herself a new daddy. My relationship with her is more of a friend/mentor and less focused on the kitty stuff. I would liked to have tapped into it more, for she can be snuggly when she chooses to put her guard down, but now I am stepped off because she needs a chance to develop whatever it may be with him. I am fairly certain over time we will get back to it...

How can I have all these people somewhat in my POD? See, my polydynamic is set up to love multiple people at once [polyamorous] but without the entagements of multiple sexual relationships [polysexual]. Over the years I have learned that I prefer to maintain one primary relationship with my sole sexual partner, unless that partner is no longer able to perform sexually and is comfortable with me seeking that satisfaction elsewhere. I also learned that for me it is very possible for me to have a BDSM relationship with someone I am NOT having sex with. It gives me a level of distance that allows me to share the BDSM experience with more clarity and precision.

Pets are definately a dynamic I enjoy. Mine are perfectly entertaining treats that bring joy and amusement to my world. They are some of my closest friends and best source of energy. This is a power exchange I not only defined for myself, but also for the people involved before I took it on. If someone is inclined to take a pet on, I would recommend that they talk to other owners...just like if you were into AB, I would suggest you talk to a Mommy Dommy!!

Lv M

Newspapers

My second semester of my first trip in college [Houston Community College], I caught a ride downtown each morning with my stepfather and a family friend. During our carpool my dad would read us the New York Times. My stepfather had this wonderful voice – soothing but strong – and it made the news actually interesting. This also developed my love of reading the paper first thing in the morning.

For years I struggled with my misfortune of being one of those people who always ends up covered in newsprint. This made my love of the reading turn into a big black smudgy mess. I endured the laughter of my peers daily because I could not avoid looking like a chimney sweep from the ink coating my entire being!

Thanks to the Net that misfortune is no longer a problem. Now I can enjoy a “paper” without a bit of mess. I love reading the news from all over the place, even if certain newspapers do outshine our Houston Chronicle. Oh our poor local paper….

Every morning I enjoy my coffee reading the publication on their site www.chron.com, but I cringe at how poorly handled the main resource of published information for the third or fourth – depending on the resource -  largest city in America is…It sometimes sickens me. I mean how the hell do we expect to expand our minds if the information they are giving us is misprinted, poorly spelled and written for idiots evidently by idiots?

Why do I think they must be expecting their audience to be idiots? Well, try looking at where the readers are allowed to comment…JESUS PEOPLE IS IT REALLY THAT FUCKING HARD TO REMEMBER TO DROP THE SILENT “E” WHEN CHANGING A VERB TO ONE WITH AN “ING”? And what about the letter “Y” – is really that fucking difficult to remember it goes to an “IE” when you want to add an “S” to pluralize it? Really? Isn’t this fucking fifth grade English?

But this horrible reality is not just limited to the Chron.com’s audience. I see it all over the Net. Which completely puzzles me beyond belief, after all if you are reading how are you not retaining HOW things are written? It’s self-evident that you can’t possibly JUST be looking at images – all of them are surrounded by text and some of it MUST be getting slightly caught by the eye and sent to the brain. How come grammaticism seems to have lost all popularity?

A fun pool game to play with your bottom/sub –  Dunk Dunk The Goose

Objective - The game objective is to dunk the other person first

Set up –

Dom/Top and sub/bottom get in the shallower end of a standard backyard pool with their foreheads pressed together.  Heads do not have to remain pressed, but this is the ‘face off’ to start the game.

Rules – 

Only the Top/Dom can use their hands, until the moment the sub/bottom accepts they have been forced under the water during a DUNK. The bottom/sub can only use their feet and head to redirect the Top, not to intentionally injure, before a dunk attempt. The bottom/sub is allowed to ‘fight back’/’defend themselves’ with the allowed parts within reason.

 *it is recommend the hands of the bottom are either kept in their pockets or bound in some fashion, as they have a hard time sticking to this one otherwise.

Once submission of the DUNK has taken place by the sub, if the relationship is a playfully enough based one, the sub may use their hands to DUNK the other player.

WINNING –

Winner is the one who tumps the other into the water aka DUNKS them FIRST. Any secondary tumps resulting in a TOP DUNKING are worth absolutely NO POINTS.

Beware though…This can quickly become addictive and many minutes in the hot sun can easily slip past even those most attentive to the amount of sun exposure they get at any given moment. We had a total blast playing this yesterday…

Lv M

HOWDY!

Welcome to Houston. With this year’s heat wave, hopefully it’s become apparent why I refer it to as Hell. We have an interesting community here with many events going on.  Our town is distinct in the regard that we have several groups that are not only diverse in their audience, but also by their design and affiliations.

DISCLAIMER:

I have spent the past decade moving in and around all the different social circles. I attend events in each of them.  It’s through my personal social networking that I have compiled this “list” of the 2009 HOUSTON BDSM SCENE. While I do not mind sharing this information with interested parties, this is the furthest I will take my assistance in your emergence into the community.

From this moment forward, you alone are responsible for your engagement amongst its leaders, members and supporters. Until we are truly acquainted, do not give me as a personal reference – you must earn your respect completely on your own deeds, actions and words, not because you would drop my name. Should you develop a reputation [bad or good] it will be of NO responsibility to me. I am only providing you with leads – the rest if of it all is up to YOU.

Each group has their own set of rules and/or protocols. You should ask the leadership what the general standards are for each group and NEVER assume what applies in one social arena is going to be the same in another. Also do not fall prey to the general misconception that this community is going to be welcoming, non-judgmental and all accepting. It is still a microcosm of the world at large built by people with all the same fragilities as everyone else. 

To make this list easier for those whom I send it to on response of inquiry, I have broken it down into three segments: PANSEXUAL, SPECIAL INTEREST and LEATHER. Provided is my personal observations of each with basic definitions, links and any additional information I can provide.

Good luck on this path. It will definitely take you on an adventure. Mine seems always filled with high peaks and beautiful scenery ~ may the same befall you!

*Remember these are MY opinions/observations. YOU may or may not have the same experience for none of us are truly standing in the same river. By giving you the information about our community I am in NO WAY endorsing their leadership, organization and/or members. This is just a list of the ones I see most supported and promoted. There are surely others out there too that even I haven’t encountered yet.

2009 HOUSTON BDSM SCENE

Each group has different things to offer different people. Typically in this scene you find groups that have: Yahoo Egroups for announcements and discussions [www.groups.yahoo.com], house parties, group outings, classes/meetings and/or munches. [Defining “munch” – dressed like vanillas in a public dining establishment. Usually in a private room of the place, these are social networking opportunities in a low pressure/non-sexual environment. Attendance is often required before party attendance allowed.] All groups limit their party attendance based on space available.

Pansexual – Pansexual is typically defined as all sexualities are accepted. This is NOT always true, as the general audience tends to lean more towards the straight singles and couples with some bisexual proclivities allowed for individuals. To be blunt, the general vibe is bisexual women and Lesbianism is more readily acceptable then two men. [But sometimes you see that too.] Certain clubs are more ‘straight’ then others and all groups go through phases where you see more variety in the sexual attitudes from time to time.

Pansexual groups for the Houston area [in alphabetical order]:

ELITE SUITE [Tomball] – About a year old now, I think.

This is what their site says about the organization:

Welcome to The Elite Suite. This is an Alternative Lifestyle House. We are here to provide you a place to play and invite other groups to use our house to play in. Welcome and enjoy your stay. Parties will be announced when they are set. Any Questions please fill free to email the Moderators. PARTY DOOR FEES FREE. We do ask that you bring your best culinary delight. We also ask that you donate at the party so that more toys for your enjoyment can be bought and built.

I know the people who manage this group and all of them are very nice people. It is too far for me to get to, so I can not give any opinion of the membership and/or the space.  I also don’t have a clue what they offer. This one puts you completely on your own here!

They have an Egroup at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/elitesuite

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Erotic Rose Society/EROS [Houston] - http://houston-eros.com/

[Leadership/membership]

This is a board run group, without election but instead by Presidential appointment of position. It is one of the oldest groups in Houston. Many people start out with group and tons are loyal to it for life.

According to their site their mission is:

Our aim from day one (October 1997) has always been to have fun and to encourage our friends to do likewise as we explore all sorts of interests relating to the mental and physical pursuits of BDSM through our weekly meetings/classes.  Then applying that knowledge in real life play parties! (as opposed to purely online endeavors)

[What they offer]

In terms of education, exploration and social networking their Saturday afternoon classes are second to none, according to their supporters. See their site for details and location. After class they have a munch around the corner for people interested in getting to know the group better in a less structured setting.

They have two “house parties” each month. [House party definition: group or club party held at a house on a weekend normally. Play party is the term most often heard.] To attend you must go to the meetings, get a sponsor and RSVP to the VicePresident in advance with prepayment encouraged.

They also attend large social events across the state en masse, such as the annual “Burning Man: Flipside”. They do camping trips and other public outings. Some of these are nights out dancing at swingers bars and/or other local venues.

Oh and they have an Egroup. You’ll have to find that link for yourself.

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FRINGE/Friends Reveling in No Guilt Entertainment [Atascocita] – BRAND NEW GROUP

[Leadership/membership]

Currently this group is run solely by its headmistress, Anastasia.  The membership is made up of the friends of her family and the family itself.

Because this is beginning to form, I am unsure of what the game plan is. Please join their Egroup at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fringe-houston if you want to learn more.

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HPEP/Houston People Exchanging Power [Houston] – Houston longest lasting pansexual group - www.HPEP.org –

[Leadership and membership]

This is a board elected organization. They welcome everyone. The board meetings are open to interested members and it is completely on a volunteer basis. It has recently elected a new board and has traditionally been plagued with venue location issues, plus political infighting, which this board promises to absolve. Keep an eye on them; they might just make it happen!

[What they provide]

HPEP has special interest groups which focus on certain topics and will be covered in the “special interest” section of this document. All the links to these organizations main pages are available through the HPEP link already provided.

They also offer a “new comers” munch.  All people new to the community should attend at least one of these to find out what is going on. The dates and more information are on the site too.

Their regular meetings include discussions, demonstrations of techniques and socializing opportunities. They have one a month. See their site for details.

They try to host a large community wide event annually. This year they hosted “Spring Iniquity”   with the National Leather Association. HPEP is one pansexual group that has shown an interest in bridging the gap between the pansexual and leather communities from the pansexual side. In addition to the large event[s], they have smaller parties for their members as well.

They have two Egroups.  One is announcement only [you’ll have to get the link from them] and the other a discussion group [http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPEP_Discussions]. If this group appeals to you, I would recommend jumping onto the group and seeing what it sounds like.

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LYON’S DEN, THE [Heights] – Another brand new club!!

Here is what the owner writes about it:

The Lyon's Den aka Cubs Corner - Houston, TX

This is a dungeon in the works, the build out will officially start in two weeks. However, we are still hosting classes and small gatherings. There isn't much equipment yet, but the space is 2100 sqft.

It is a true warehouse (not loft) with concrete floors and all. I have 28ft at the peek of the roof and about 15ft at the low part. The joists are rafter like and can easily support many people.

We are excited to be hosting our first gathering. It is posted under Events...Boss Bondage - Texas Tour 09'. This will be the very first get together. I'm hoping for a good turn out, because I want community opinions on the build out.

[Leadership/membership]

Breutanan is a FemDom with a fresh attitude full of creativity and enthusiasm. It will be nice to see who supports this venue. I look forward to my participation and hope others can find a place there as well…To contact them, please drop me an email so I can forward you the address.

[What they plan to offer]

Parties and education are the focus, as I understand things. More details to be released soon.

--------------------------------

SAFARI CLUB, THE [Kingwood] – This is a private party group hosted by the home owner. They once had a board when it first began, but I don’t see any read evidence of it still having much influence. Their parties happen once a month and require RSVP to their Egroup on the Monday before. They do have a supportive Egroup at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thesafariclub

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SPRING ADULT FUN/SAF [Spring] – About less than a year old, but growing rapidly.

[Leadership/members]

This group is membership supported. The hostess allows those interested in organizing things to step into leadership positions. I have not heard speak of a board, but have witnessed the enthusiasm of the folks working towards making this one of the best groups in town. Everyone I have seen supporting this group seems to be of earnestly driven interest and very nice.

[What they offer]

They have munches, classes and parties. They also do nights out. Here is what they say about their schedule:

Parties are held the 3rd Saturday of every month in the Spring area.

Munches are held the 2nd Thursday at 7:30 pm and the 4th Sunday at 11:00 am. Munches are held at Wolfie's Restaurant and Sports Bar on I-45 in Spring. We meet in the party room and it's always lots of fun. We prefer that you RSVP to xidera@msn.com for each munch, but feel free to just show up if you decide to join us at the last minute.

In order to attend a party, you have to be a member. In order to become a member, you either have to attend two munches, be sponsored by a current member, or be a member in good standing in another local group.

We host a demo one hour before each 3rd Saturday party. The topic varies and is announced prior to the party date.

Every so often we have host a discussion about a topic of interest at the SAF dungeon. Date, time, and topics vary.

Occasionally we will host a special guest at the SAF dungeon. Date, time, and topics vary for this as well.

You are allowed to consume alcohol responsibly at the SAF dungeon.


We sporadically, but somewhat frequently, get together for vanilla nights out. These include going to the movies, out dancing, concerts, etc.

For more information, join us at springadultfun@ yahoogroups. com.

 It’s a very active group. To get involved, please join their Egroup at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/springadultfun

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STUDIO, THE [Heights] – And still another new group!!

[Leadership/membership]

It is run by SirWingz and his poly-family. It’s too new to determine membership just yet.

[What they have to offer]

As they wrote:

What The Studio Will Have to offer:

Two beautiful dungeon rooms, with a St Andrews Cross
and another St Andrews Cross , a spanking bench, a bondage horse, and a chain rig
There will be an outdoor smoking tent 10'x20'
We will have soda, water and ice on hand
Two full bathrooms
Coming soon will be a Dressing Room

What The Studio is for:

We will be offering Dungeon space for rent to those who do not have a place to play of their own.
We will be offering over night stays at The Studio that will include a self serve breakfast.
We will be offering The Studio for rent as a whole for Private Parties.

We are in the process of setting up our website so stay tuned for updates and pictures. If you should have any questions before the website is up and operational please feel free to drop us a line at Info@thestudiohouston.com

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VIOLET SOCIETY [Houston] – A good group for anyone. I truly love these people.

What they say about themselves:

....An alternative lifestyle group for people of all colors exploring the many flavors of BD/SM, D/s and M/s.


Formed in November 2004, The Violet Society was established to allow individuals in Houston and the surrounding area, a forum for discussion, fellowship, friendship and risk aware consensual experiences. The name Violet Society was chosen because Violet is the final color in the spectrum of the rainbow. It represents our belief that people of all colors and cultures deserve a place where their alternative expressions of lifestyle can be respected and celebrated. The Violet Society invites members of all ethnicities, nationalities and cultures to join us in exploring the many varied flavors of lifestyle, including BD/SM, D/s, M/s, leather, fetishism and kink.

The Violet Society Mission :

o To provide a safe, discreet inclusive environment for people of all colors and cultures to participate in mature and healthy educational, social, and sensory experiences within the context of alternative sexual lifestyles.
o To reach out to members of minority cultures providing a gateway into the BD/SM, D/s and M./s communities for education and support.
o To help raise the level of consciousness of the greater alternative communities regarding special concerns of minorities involved in alternative lifestyle expressions.
o To support other lifestyle groups, organizations and individuals with missions that encourage the expression of alternative sexual orientation, lifestyle choice, belief and practice.

IF you are interested, their Egroup link is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/violet_society

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WIPS/Women in Power Society [Katy] - www.wipsociety.net - by their definition, “is a pansexual leather levis fetish legal adult entertainment and social club”.

[Leadership/membership]

This in a NO BOARD group that is run by two loving women who have been married to each other for several years now ; I have heard them joke if there were a board no men would be allowed to hold position because this is a club run by women for women. They are the only pansexual group in Houston to be an active member of the leather community’s Houston Counsel of Clubs [HCC] for many years. Members are female and male with all sexualities truly be accepted.

[What they provide]

In terms of social networking, this group has most of its opportunities for such at the cocktail hours they do to support HCC. They also do event nights and performance oriented parties at their home clubs – Tony’s Corner Pocket and Mary’s. Their group volunteers to DM [Dungeon Monitor] at some of the local events and support many of the other clubs as well. Occasionally they have a home party, but not as often as they used to.

To get announcements of their group’s adventures, please join: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EandE-WIPSociety

SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS:

HPEP has a whole list of smaller groups focusing on special interests such as bondage, photography, edge play, age play and much more. They even have one called HELL which focuses on literature and movies! Please go to their homepage for details.

SAF is starting up a few special groups for their club. I am currently watching to see what will happen with their membership in terms of the next generation age group [18-35] and its desire to develop a support networking system within this group.

CLUBFEM [Houston]

ClubFem is run by females for females who only partner with males in the D/s dynamic where the female is always superior. It’s a cloistered group that does not openly lend itself to across the board community support, information or participation. To learn about how you get past the dungeon guards and into one of their monthly fantasy parties, please visit their homepage at www.clubfem.org

THE LEATHER COMMUNITY:

In Houston there is what is known as the Leather Community. Focused in the gay leather traditions, it is completely different from the Pansexual, but shares the commonality that anyone can participate in aspects where any sexuality is acceptable.

There are too many damn links to deal with here, so I will just provide you with a link that will gain you access to every thing associated with the Houston Counsel of Clubs. It’s the blanket organization that these groups organize larger functions through…It’s the support Egroup for their largest annual event LUEY - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lueyweekend - from there you can find what you need.

Finally, I hope you find a group that works for you. If you wish to find out about more events and activities across Texas, please get yourself on the egroup Kinky Texans – www.groups.yahoo.com/group/kinkytexans . It covers the entire state and has a vast collection of people to get to know involved.

Best of luck with your adventure; if our paths should cross along the way please never hesitate to come up and introduce yourself!!

Lv M

This is a copy of the letter I am now sending new people who write asking about our community.

Okay, so today I went through you tube dot com and looked for videos I knew would have me in them...If you look up hellsmichelle over there you can see all of them in my favorites. [and please add me as a friend]

From when I did a stint in the audience on Cristina's Court...I am behind the Naked Cowboy's wife to the left. I am wearing a purple shirt and dark pants. My hair is long and black. Sometimes I look friggin bored out of my mind -- because I was!!

Part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ladhmL38zI

Part two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8Dt1YWhc6k

End: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LJ5jcCE05U

Then I finally managed to find that eppisode of The Secret Lives of Women that we were featured in:

Part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRg5RG5_otk

Part two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ-EPZzSvLE

Part three: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLxtbUDL7U8

Part four: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdT_hC8epQg

Part five: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj078F83kdw

And of course there is that one HORRIBLE cat fighting video I have out there... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kP_AlFFZPxs

Okay folks it's a good weekend in Hell.

Friday night @ Rudyardz - THE DOLLYROCKERS [they are the band that played Summer Sinfest 08:Rock~N~Roll Peepshow]...cover maybe $8...Let me know if you wanna come out and have some fun...Will and I plan to be there...

Saturday DAY -

PRIDE FESTIVAL in the Montrose. It goes from around noon until 7 pm. The Festival is FREE. There will be food and drink for sale during the whole thing.  Should be big fun!

SATURDAY NIGHT - GAY PRIDE PARADE

If you want to meet up with the Serpentarium for the parade, we will be at Mary's on Westhiemer around 8:15 ish - so hook up with us before the parade starts!! I plan for us to stay around that area the majority of the parade...it's a great spot!

AFTER PARADE - 
The Snakes expect to do some bar hopping [Chances/Mary's/maybe numbers or mangos - depending on what is the funnest looking with the lowest covers on the way back to the apartment] and some drinking,  so if you are looking for a fun adventure bring your ass out!

If you are looking for something else interesting to do there are two parties that I can think of going on as well!!

THE STUDIO in the heights is having another party. It starts at 8 pm and goes till whenever they call it quits. They do have a 40 person cap on the RSVP so drop them a note TODAY if you want on that list.  When contacting them please inquire about the donation and membership details -- info@thestudiohouston.com

In addition to this Spring Adult Fun is having a "Littles Sleep-Over" -- the extra information on this is:
A. If you want to make subbie blankets, please make sure to bring your 4 yards total of material. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact someone at SAF. Also bring scissors for the blankets.

B. Bring snacks and drinks for the night!

C. If you need directions to the SAF Dungeon, please contact them via their website tp://saf.bdsmtexas.com/

Finally at number's on Westhiemer there is an Underworld Production - GREAT HUNTING GROUND FOR DARK GOTHLINGS AT HIGH ON PRIDE:

Fucking summer. My damn kids are home every single day and that means I can't book sessions. I have some really interesting clients whom I would love to take on, but without a space to play in I can't.

I refuse to work out of hotels. I already have to do that when I do out of town gigs and HATE IT. AND FUCK OUTCALLS!! So whore-ish. And dangerous.

So who has a space that I can rent IN HOUSTON PROPER [not Tomball, Spring, Kingwood or anywhere outside of Houston] for around fifty an hour? I can get them to pay that much usually and if not then I will take the hit on my hourly. I just want to work again.

I've been on a long break and am ready to get back into the swing of things...

I wrote to The Lyon's Den, as the owner is an aquaintance of mine. If she can't do it yet [they are under construction] then I plan to write the Studio. I would prefer innerloop but will go as far as the eight if it is in the NW side of town.

To whomever does hook me up, I promise to promote you if you wish for no cost. Around here one palm greases the other and the best way I can repay this kind of favor is to help however I can.

If it's that you need images for your site, let me know and we will see who I can come get to take those while shooting me. That way you get the shots you need at no cost to you! *With the added perk of my free recommendation statement for the site too!!

If you need help getting the word out about your upcoming events, I will use all my promotional tools to assist. I have a vast collection of emails, sites and lists to bring your target audience directly to you.

If it's that you need someone to come to the party just to get the play going or a teacher for your class, consider me as an option to show my appreciation for your help in this matter.

It's always about the barter when it comes to getting deal, right?

If you are worried I would put your address on the net, the answer is no. I never release their directions until the last minute to be sure they are even showing up. Plus they must prepay a deposit, so they have been screened a little in advance.

Email me if you can hook me up.

Lv M

I have a new NET PET PEEVE: people who use images that are NOT of themselves or that they have NOT photographed/created themselves

This is image theft. Somewhere there are artisans not being credited for and paid for the use of their work. As one of the millions who do create images, I find it downright rude.

I HATE seeing it. You are all bad for doing it, for the guilty ones. Like the guy who wrote me yesterday and said, "Nice pix. I truly enjoyed them." I went to his profile. ALL IMAGES OF FEMDOMS STOLEN FROM SITES.

What does that tell me about him? That he is a theif. Plain and simple.

Does it show me what he is into? Yep! He's into yanking porn off the net for his person use. That would make him a wank-miner. PERSONALLY, I think that makes him a waste of my time and the space of a social networking site.

If I were single would I go for someone with a profile that showed me what they liked rather than who they are and what they look like? God I feel sorry for those of you who do. Maybe you are not in a place where you can be as picky as me...

I understand some people are not that creative and ripping off the stuff that shows what they would do if they were might seem like a good idea. Again, it's not. It's theft.

I know not everyone can get a photographer to capture them. I am lucky and made friends with so many of them that when I asked for new images over a dozen said yes. Yet...I also have a webcam that cost less than a hundred bucks and it is HD. My teenager uses it all the time to take the most amazing photos of herself...if my dingbat is bright enough to do it, why can't any adult manage the same?

Bottomline if you use images/art you STOLE from the net YOU ARE ON SOME LEVEL BEING FAKE. Take them down. Stop the practice and encourage others to be brave enough to knock that shit off.

Try representing YOURSELF. Isn't that who is looking for a relationship?

M

AIDS

It silently killed someone I once loved so dearly and I am only finding out about it right now. I can't seem to stop crying, eventhough I lost touch with this soul over a decade ago.

David Parnell was a soulmate of sorts with me. We shared many of the same tastes -- music, fashion and the men of both. He was one of the first gay boys who became so devoted to me. And now he's gone.

Fucking stupid virus. Stupid boy who loved those damn gorey glory holes too much. Smart enough to write for fucking OUTSMART magazine but not smart enough to practice safe sex.

Damn you David. You took me to my first national night out, my first wack shack and even made sure my loser boyfriend was covered for my flowers at prom. Did you really have to let the universe tell me this the week before PRIDE? I thought you would move heaven and earth for me, but you couldn't keep the fates from showing me this??

You helped me with my babies...You loved them as much as me...WTF?

I hate death. I hate knowing this wonderfully kind man is gone. I hate feeling helpless.

M

You've all followed me to FL???

And today we have yet another edition of HOW NOT TO APPROACH A FEMDOM...I know many of you are silently giggling and thinkging 'oh joy!'...ok, so not so many...teeeheee

Well folks it looks like the CM wankers are finding their way over here to this site where I have found all my real people...the funny part is so many of them are actually finding TRUE community hook ups here and about local events, so they think they might come out...yep folks some them might actually step out from behind their boxes and venture out to our world -- don't say you haven't been warned...

The GREAT news is every time I get one of these I check their profile to see which events and groups they are supporting...because they are goofy they always go for the glitz and ditz and not the good stuff...So REALLY the only way you might have a problem with them in public is if you are already wasting your time suporting that local nightclub's monthly LIE perpetuated by that certain retail establishment owner that all my readers know I think is the lowest piece of shit at the bottom of the pig pen...As usual, I am not naming names because if I do he will use his trust fund money to sue me...a single mom...AGAIN IF YOU SUPPORT THESE MONTHLY EVENTS AND THEIR OTHER BIG EVENTS YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE BY ASSOCIATION...

Oh so back to this wanker who is going to that event...He drops me this introductory note out of the blue yesterday...

Hi MichelleFromHell,

How are you? I like your profile very much. It will be pleasure to meet and serve you. I love various things in this lifestyle and open to learning. Please let me know if you are interested...A [name deleted to protect his privacy]

It's a nice enough note. I wasn't in a bad mood, but I do have a preselected technique that many of you are familiar with -- I ask them for details directly from my profile. It's my attempt to get them to really read it so they will have a clear idea of who they are dealing with, what I promise to do if approached and all my stuff...So I reply with:

Would you mind quoting the part of my profile that attracted you most? If you would just go to it, copy the part that appealed to you/made you inspired to contact me and email it back to me, I would be so appreciative...I am looking for detailed feedback here and this is your first 'test' to see if you would really work well for me, so don't screw this up,

M

Okay. So I set him up. He walked onto my playground and I kicked the ball in his face...Ask me how much I care...I am just hoping the whole "not looking" shit will smack him in the face...ARGGGGGG...not so much:

Hi Mistress,

How are you doing. Thanks for your reply.

I like this part of the body of your profile..

"I am on this system to make new LOCAL aquaintances, share information about the community by sharing about upcoming events, blog too damn much and occassionally participate in the forums. This place has also has many members who have become wonderful professional connections thanks to my profile here".

I felt I can learn a lot from you...you are awesome.

This quote is so awesome I think:

"Rarely do I ever see two of them in the feeder at once. This morning I woke up to a different situation. WE HAVE TWO SQUIRRELS IN LOVE!! They were sharing all the food and actually snuggling in the bird feeder this morning. I watched them swing together and act all sweet. Then they came down and ate out of the squirrel bowl together. They got up on the railing with their legs stretched and dangling. The one on the right side scooted up to the other one and gave a 'nose kiss'. Swear to god!!"

Love the ethereal feel and expression...A

Damnnit!! He followed directions to the T put TOTALLY MISSED THE NOT HUNTING SENTENCES...ARGGGGGGGG...I almost feel guilty because his attempt was well written and took him a little time, but jesh...I just am not that fucking nice when I warn people about their approaches need not happen...What the fuck do I have to do? Do I have to write it in big plain text - I DO NOT LIKE TO BE APPROACHED. I HUNT AND AM NOT HUNTED - so you fucking men will understand? Do you not understand I am UNTOUCHABLE? Does it seem differently? Seriously???

So instead of ripping into him because he did make an effort, I write back:

Wow. That was VERY good. I have to admit, it was a cheap ploy to get you to notice that through out my profile it states "I am actively NOT looking for anything at this time." Even with your attention to details [which I do applaud you for], you DID manage to miss that fine point...

If you were interested in my professional services as a Dominatrix, I would have liked some hint. Should your budget puts you in a position where you can afford my three hundred an hour consultation fee, I would be glad to help you explore yourself. IF my instincts are correct though, I don't feel that was the direction you were hoping it would go.

Basically your note[s] sound more like when a person is looking for my private time. I'm sorry but as it is clearly stated, "I am actively NOT looking for anything at this time." I currently have one male Pet Tiger, two kitty girls and a little girl that are in some way in service/bound to me, in addition to my commitment to my Leather Family and my vanilla one too.

Thank you for reading my blogs and writing. I do enjoy hearing from fans. I would like to give you some free advice to show my gratitude for your dedication and appreciation.

One of my common topics in my blog is "how NOT to approach a FemDom". It covers the many mistakes men make on social networking sites. I did take the time to review your profile. I would like to teach you where it is going to fail you in the long run and how you can go about helpings yourself succeed with some alterations. My recommendations for you are:

A. Take the stupid cockshots down. NO WOMEN ON THE WHOLE PLANET WANT TO SEE THAT BEFORE THEY ASK. Trust me, the ones who do are just men posing as women so someone will provide them with free porn.

Instead how about an image of what you look like dressed to go to work, out for a fun evening and perhaps your fetish wear? Show a woman what she can expect from you. A face shot is also a huge plus if you want any responses.

If you need a photographer, I know a kinky one who runs specials all the time I could put you in touch with. She does amazing work. She might even be able to help you with costuming.

Part of dealing with experienced people is that they don't want the barest acceptable; they want the best. Some of looking like the best is marketing yourself with attractive images. If that's an issue, then rethink even getting involved with people like us.

B. Many female dominants appreciate a profile where the author expresses what they have to offer to those whom they are serving. Try thinking about what you would negotiate for your relationships, what your fantasies are and what you can do to make these things happen.

Now just to make sure we are VERY CLEAR on one point. I am NEVER hunting. I have had the same primary for almost three years. I ALWAYS have my personal relationships with people that I DID NOT meet online. I also DID NOT ever date from our community. I have NO intention of those standards ever changing.

Good luck on your hunt BUT don't forget that in the future when you are trolling the sites to check and see if the person isn't already attached.

M

People! People! People!

While I am really and truly glad some of you adore me so much, I have to tell you strangers -- I am NOT interested. I already know too many people. I already have folks lining up just in case Will can't do it anymore. I get it. NOW BACK THE FUCK OFF.

M

Next weekend Houston has it's annual GAY PRIDE FESTIVAL/ PARADE. Sure it's a huge party, but it is also a chance for people WHO REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT HUMAN BEINGS SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LOVE WHO THEY WANT TO LOVE and not treated like outsiders, aliens and/or folks who should be denied rights that apply to the 'standard' TO COME TOGETHER AND SHOW THEIR SUPPORT!!

I don't care if you are straight. I don't care if you are gay. I don't care if you are ambisexual. I do care that you have no shame in support a section of humanity that is under constant socio-political pressure purely because they happen to love someone who is not of the opposite gender!! IF YOU TALK THE TALK THEN GET YOUR ASS TO THIS EVENT AND WALK THE WALK!! 

SHOW UP AT THE PARADE ON NEXT SATURDAY JUNE 27TH!!

It is from 11 am to 7 pm. It's fucking FREE!! Park in the neighborhoods - not the businesses on Westhiemer!! For directions and more details, please visit http://www.pridehouston.org/

And to all of you who think none of this should matter to you please think of everyone you have ever loved...To the SBISD people, go in loving memory of David Parnell...To the music fans, go in memory of Freddie Mercury...To anyone who has ever loved a movie, theater production, music performance or any other faction of the fine arts -- OR EVEN A HAIRDRESSER, go show those who helped entertain you that you support their right to love...And of course, to all the Leather folks -- really want to show respect for our history? Then help us celebrate those who fought the good fight before us!!

SHOW UP AND SHOW YOUR SUPPORT!! LOOK FOR ME AND TONS OF OTHER SNAKES!!

God Dammmnit!

I am so aggrivated right now.

I woke with a migraine invading my frontal lobe just above my right eye. OUCH.

Then I got a call from one of my sisters about this problem person only associated to our house because of a new cousin in the family. The problem person is nothing but a huge train wreck who has used everyone she's ever touched. The cousin is someone I am VERY close to lately, but if she can't get the psycho out of her life then I am not sure how close I want to be...

I work too damn hard to get rid of the bad people...just like I did with Paul - swipe! you are outta here! [People come and people go; nothing lasts forever]...WHY ARE MY FRIENDS SO FORGIVING? Don't the know burns hurt? [oh maybe they've never through a house fire.]

Yet I watch this cousin and two siblings get wrapped in this crap because that cousin brought this mess from her last relationship. She walked away from the asshole dominant, but is still dealing with those he brought into her world who are destructive...

My cousin has gone out of her way to help this problem person. She has imposed on friends to take the wretch in. She's had them lend a couch and take on the bitch's pets. She's gone beyond what is required and it doesn't benefit her in ANY WAY. So I told her to quit it.

First it is unfair that one of the siblings got so attached to the problem person that occassionally she buys problem person groceries and such. She's struggling to feed herself and her unwell son that she is caring for!! Eventhough when the pscyho bitch lived under her roof, the cops had to be called to remove her dumbass. [At that moment I would have never spoken to her ever again because if I have to call the cops you are just a waste of air.]

Secondly the other sibling who helped by taking in the problem person's cats did so without even knowing the problem person. She just happens to hate any animal being neglected. She also loves the cousin enough to do anything to help when asked. Now thanks to cousin giving problem person this sibling's phone number, without asking her first, she had to deal with psychobitch calling at 8 am threating her the day after her life mate of 15 years died of lung cancer.

Finally, this puts me out. I have to confront the problem person and tell her to stop. She knows me and she knows I would backhand her fucking mouth before I would let her say one more stupid selfish comment. I feel nothing but disgust for her, whereas when we were first introduced I just felt sorry for her as she was raised to be a throw away child. Yet purely by family association, I have had her in life via proxy for well over a year...NOT ANYMORE...

If my cousin can't get this bad seed out of her life, ultimately it will cause the cousin to be in my life less. I will not continue to condone helping this psycho. My sibling who took her in already knows to discuss this person with me only means I will remind her what a stupid idea it is to try to help her. I am a heartless bitch when it is needed and in this case it is...

Do I worry that having to put up severe boundaries will hinder my endearment to the cousin? Hell yes.

Do I like living like this? No, I wish everyone acted like all the snakes but that is not the case.

This is called self-preservation...For too long I tried to help people who refused to help themselves...I am sick of it...Why can't those I love learn to avoid it too?

I just want to scream I DON'T LET PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AND/OR USE ME BECAUSE I AM AN UNFORGIVING BITCH WHO GUARDS HER LIFE, PRIVACY AND FAMILY WITH THE ENERGY FORCE OF A LIONNESS PROTECTING HER CUBS!! WHY CAN'T YOU DO THE SAME AND TAKE THIS TRASH OUT?

Okay. Done venting. Going to take something for the pain in my head...hopefully it'll all work out with this royal pain in my ass...

M

Outtatown Kitty rolled in this week on Thursday. We'd made plans with some of the family to all hook up at the S[pring] A[dult] F[un] munch. I spent part of the afternoon picking up a dear friend of the family who we'd decided needed to get out. Our dear RazorKitty came out and opted to come along, since we had even more friends meeting us out there.

All of us have folks we really don't want to run into and had hoped SAF would be a fresh start for stepping back into the scene slowly. Doing it in numbers was mostly about supporting each other through each of our semi-anti-social moments...

I have to say each of us found the experience delightful. At first it was a little overwhelming because when we walked in a bit late so many warm smiles greeted us and hugs abounded. If our entrance caused part of the seat confusion at that point, please accept our apologies. We were actually so happy to see some many loving faces.

While old friendships were only a fingertip away, each of us managed to make a new friend or two. I finally got to meet the young man from FLA who'd been chatting with me about our scene online. His photos do NOT do him justice. My sisters found him quite adorable. They chatted him up all night!!

But still there were conflicts for some of our group. Folks we didn't expect to turn up there did. We managed to keep our people as up as possible and it definately helped that some of their other friends were there to distract and support the hurting friends.

I got a big compliment! The nicest friend of one of my friends [S] told me I am a 'celebrity' of sorts. That's so nice. I felt like blushing.

Friday night was not so exciting. I woke with such extreme pain in my back that I basically spent the day immobilized. We had planned for OKitty to take us swimming at her friend's house but there was no way I could do it. The pain was so bad. I've hurt for years but that day it was the worst it has ever been.

So I sent Will and Okitty on without me. There was not enough clear understanding about return times and plans I had for later. Just a, "We are going early so we can come home early because we know you aren't feeling good" and off they went. So when it was 12:42 am I got a little shitty. No one had called in and the last time Will and I discussed "fairly early" it meant before midnight by my expectations.

When they rolled in about an hour later, I was pissed. I had already cleared the floor, laid out bedding and prepared ropes at opposite corners. They were instructed that was where they would sleep, back to back, bound and uncomfortable...Afterall, in this house 'good kitties get adored while bad kitties get ignored'.

I tucked them in with hissed, angry and thought provoking comments. I climbed into bed and got diaganol [sp?]. I couldn't sleep. Just as I told them, I have never in all my years doing this had to make someone sleep on the floor for their behaviors. My temper was tilted and I promised myself if they completed this as request the transgression was punished/we'd be even again in our perfect imbalance.

Each woke up in pain. Their backs were killing them. They'd each got untied easily enough but the floor was miserable. My response was 'Gee, I am sorry your back hurts. I really understand how you feel.'

We spent part of the day rebonding together. First the two of them did some heated knife play for my entertainment, then they focused on me. They did the stones, cupping and two person massage on me to fix my back. OKitty had some Saturday errands to run. Razor came by. We took a nap together. I awoke to grilled porkchops and greenbeans. The only kitties left in the house were OKitty and Will. We spent the evening just being lazy and it was nice.

She's out the door again, after a fun and playful morning teasing up Will. I taped the whole thing. I have so much footage of them playing around. It's all pretty clean so I can put it out soon as I finish the editing process.

We're heading to a Snake house for hanging out time in an hour. I am about to get all cleaned up. They are going to play D and D and I am going to float in the pool. I am so damn tired after outtatown kitty drops into my universe!!

She's a ball of energy. We love that about her. I wouldn't change anything about this weekend, even if I did get pissed off. Basically I already get 95% of the best 100% when it comes to my kitties, but I am such a spoiled brat that I want not only 100% but really like 115!!

Such a hard life. Really.

Lv M

Thinking about some annoyances that bug me:

*When a man meets his best buddy’s new girl and he acts cocky when he’s probably really only trying to cover up the fact that his has so little life experience.

*When I invite someone who is a friend of someone I love to an event that I am hosting at my cost and they hook up with the one person I tell them to stay the hell away from because I’ve already learned my lesson about that psycho bitch but don’t have time to tell them the details.

*Men who try to act cool, but suck so bad at hunting that the only people they conquer are friends of the ‘other’ women in the life – be it friends of their sisters, siblings of their friends and/or the friends of friend’s girlfriends. If they didn’t have these initial contacts they would never get laid by any people of quality. [weaklings]

*People who get up earlier than anyone else in the house, turn on music or a television in the attached rooms at high volumes and then go outside to smoke.

*People who walk into rooms where music is playing and turn on a television without asking if it would annoy anyone else.

*People who talk you into watching a movie that you have very little interest in versus a show you personally find entertaining only to fall asleep, wake up in the middle of and ask, “what’s going on now?”

*When you take a long time dicing all the ingredients of a huge bowl of chicken salad and then offer to share it with someone who polishes it all off before you even get a second sandwich the next day. [Especially when you expect it to last maybe four days]

*People who stay as guests in my home at my expense who don’t turn off lights, load a dishwasher efficiently so it runs more than twice a day on a daily basis, and then fuck with the settings on the air conditioning after I have gone to bed.

*People who finish off fruit without replacing it. That stuff is a luxury around here even though some folks don’t realize it. Normally I won’t buy food that rots that fast, but I happen to be on a diet and only like a limited number of fruits.

*People who come into a room where someone is watching TV, reach across the viewer for the remote and change the channel without asking.

*Fucking Bond movies. I goddamn hate them even more than Rocky movies!

*People who take short cuts through cemeteries, schools, and/or churches. So fucking rude! Learn to leave your house earlier, asshole.

*When folks don’t recognize the assistance and education they can obtain from a friendship because the efforts are beyond what they notice due to their own self-involvement.

*People who act like know everything about a town but don’t do any homework about where they live. Any assumption of any city is inherently delusional and completely based on fantasy until you know more, so please shut the hell up. Otherwise read a local printed publication and/or get on the net.

*People who give parenting and/or relationship advice if they have never had either experience. If you haven’t walked in my boots, I honestly appreciate the input and observations, but it seems a little vapid at times.

*People who speed through school zones. They may not be your kids, but they do belong to someone!

*People who don’t warn their friends – or at least people they like – about bad people. Sometimes it is better to just own up to what happened and tell what you know.

*People who act like they want to learn but never apply observation, and sometimes inquisition, to adapt to an environment. Just because you have done something a certain way every time, it may not be the way those whom you are serving want you to. If the time is taken to explain and correct, then why can’t it be used rather then forcing your routine on that person.

*People who don’t realize their personal space/attitude affect those of everyone around them. Consideration of their friends and family should come first, but it is not difficult to extend to strangers as well. Bumbling through life so that only YOUR concerns are important makes you a total prick, especially when living with others. If you are the kind of person, just stay alone. Your type makes too many people miserable when they try to live with you!

And finally –

*People who doubt my life. I swear to God if half you have half the experiences I already have had by the time you die you’ll be fucking lucky. And tired; very tired.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE:

After reading what I just wrote, I have made a choice. It is time for Paul to go. I have already packed all his shit and put it by the door.

I called WillBurr and asked if he would mind me creating major chaos in his friendship. He pretty much feels the whole thing is a wipe now, so he gave his consent. Inside I think is very glad at this moment to be in a Ds relationship with a Domme who is not the least bit scared to take control of a situation.

So here is my plan. He comes home and sees the stuff. I say, “Sit down so we can talk.” Then I go on to explain what I really don’t like about him and what makes him a worthless waste of oxygen. It’ll be a verbal equivalent of THE LETTER.

That is if he doesn’t just take a look at his shit and start hauling it downstairs.

I haven’t felt this good about tossing someone out since I got to toss my exBF out of my rent house on his birthday!!

Truly wicked,

M

FINAL UPDATE OF THE DAY
That was the easiest kicking out of someone ever…He walked in the door. His face was beat red. The heat really hits the Irish redheads. While cresting the threshold he began pulling his long sleeved black shirt off.

“We have to talk,” is how I choose to open the conversation, “and you shouldn’t be taking your shirt off. I have packed all of your things. You need to put them in your car and be on your way.”

He looks fucking stunned. I love the element of surprise. The look of sheer confusion as things hit the brain. Stunning is simply the best descriptive! “Has something changed?”

In a very monotone and sedate voice I calmly stated, “No. Nothing has changed. Just I have spent today thinking this all over. You were brought here to help Will and you won’t be doing that, so you need to go. I have let a lot slide in the best interest of my boyfriend – some small and one really big one. I want to talk to you about that really quick before you go.”

“Oh.”

“When we had that incident with my daughter, I didn’t say anything to you about it. You haven’t done anything like it since, but I want you to know exactly how I felt. I hear you were bothered that I didn’t think you are good enough for my 18 year old child who has been dating the sons of millionaires? Well how about how fucking disrespectful of you to even think of crossing that line while you are staying in my home at my expense.”

THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WAS SHEER SHOCK…He moved WAY beyond stunned. He looked flattened!

“Well, since you are not going to help Will, I have decided you can get out. Now take your stuff. You will not be changing clothes or showering – this is a “do not pass go – do not collect $200 – situation.” [All I like to do now is play Monopoly online all the time to distract myself from the mood of this place.]

“Okay.”

While he moves his shit down to his car, I draw myself a bubble bath. I talk to my son like Paul is not even in the room. I load some laundry. I have said what I wanted to say without getting into what about him should change so he could grow up. While I waited for him to come home I had decided it wasn’t worth the effort, he’ll never learn until life kicks him hard enough and by then he’ll be a lonely old man.

I think ignoring him and not saying goodbye finalized my point perfectly. He’s insignificant. A mere flash in the pan.

I FEEL FUCKING AMAZING. I GOT THE CHANCE TO SHOW WILL WHAT I DON’T LIKE ABOUT PAUL AND DIDN’T HAVE TO EVEN MAKE THE SLIGHTEST EFFORT TO SET PAUL UP FOR FAILURE. HIS OWN BEHAVIORS RUINED WILL’S ADMIRATION.

And I regained more of it because I took the helm and steered our pirate ship through another storm…Lv M

Now on to reality...Will...Things have taken yet ANOTHER turn...Paul informed us this week that rather then following through with the remainder of the application here with Will, he is going to move over by their other friend alone. He wants to be in a part of town 'where things are going on' more 'happenin' or whatnot...He’s going to end up by the summit.

I have to admit, I laughed in his face when he made this comment/excuse. This man has NEVER lived in this city. He has NO CLUE that Houston isn't like many other major cities. We do not have any one particular 'central business district' where things happen all the time. People live alllllll over the place because there are tons of smaller 'regions' of town where certain things are more of the focus, but you can find something to do on any given weekend in any assorted areas of the city.

Basically he's running after the ever elusive golden ring and chasing after some idyllic albeit vague dream of ringing the bell. He's the type who always thinks the grass is greener but yet knows NOTHING about what type of consistency and dedication it takes to have a lush, full lawn. We discussed this pattern yesterday while shopping for stuff he will need to live alone. I pointed out that it sounds to me as an outside observer that the real problem comes back to the same point -- him.  I reminded him that is the only thing he can’t run away from. He blushed and admitted it. Does that mean he's motivated to change and grow? He claims so, but his words and deeds are not cohesive.

It's this self-absorbed and blind-minded internal motivational aspect that has driven these two apart. Will understands the positives and negatives of communal living, plus the amount of consideration and respect required to have a highly functional family unit to improve the global environment. Paul is the kind of guy who didn't consider it disrespectful to cut through the cemetery around the corner to save three minutes getting to the damn freeway! [Another humiliation scene while I was calling him out on this in the car yesterday.]

By bailing on Will, Paul has really shown his true colors to Will. My poor baby likes to really believe that those closest to him completely jibe on the core moral code he holds dear. Basically he is kind of like Jesus – he’s all about live and let live but please try to do it with some consideration of others. Paul is LOST by this concept. He’s tooooo damn innately selfish in his very core. He is a nice guy but when you really look at him there is not much redeeming, aside from doing the dishes if you ask me.

Will is not the type who would ever fuck a best friend's younger sister without discussing it with him [Paul did this to him in HS]. He respects friendships and family too much. I can understand him forgiving this because to him the real transgression began when he realized Paul wasn’t going to tell him, leaving him to discover it himself. Because Will is always willing to give people he loves multiple chances to grow and improve as human beings he moved on from that point – but remembered it recently because of another matter involving my daughter discussed below.

Will is not one who would ever allow his sister's hubby to move in with him after the marriage fell apart because of the asshole cheating on her, but Paul didn't see this as a true hindrance. I told Paul the only way in hell I would have done such a thing would be so I could slowly poison the son of a bitch. [Or at least fuck up all of his shit slowly before destroying his life.]

Will met my daughter when she was 16. Even though their age difference is half of ours, he still recognized her as my child. She was NEVER seen as a sexual being. Our leather family respects those same boundaries since most of them have known her since she was 7. In less than two weeks of moving in here fucking Paul thought it would be okay to make a move on my kid. Before it actually was seen through to fruition Will and I both noticed the signals.

On a road trip weekend we began discussing this half way to Huntsville. Both of became nervous. It was too clear to both of us. When we finally reached Paul it was the next morning. [And to think at first I was glad I had a grown up who would keep an eye on the teens while I was traveling!]

In the following discussions Paul was actually fucking OFFENDED that I would not consider him appropriate for my child. He didn't see how sexually approaching my daughter might offend the woman who is providing him with room and board for free while he gets his shit together – while asking nothing of him – just to support her boyfriend?? HOW FUCKING STUPID! I HAVEN'T SEEN A DAMN PENNY OUT OF THIS NO CAREER HAVING BASICALLY HOMELESS NOMAD WHO AT TWENTY SIX WANTS TO CHASE EIGHTTEEN YEAR OLDS AND HE THINKS I WOULD WANT HIS 'HAVE TO HAVE A FEW BEERS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT' ASS DATING MY DAUGHTER WHO IS ACCUSTOMED TO DEVOTING HERSELF TO THE SONS OF MILLIONAIRES? Really? Does that sound like me?

Yet none of this – and there is more shit I just don’t feel like venting about right now – had completely put Will off. After HE confronted Paul about my kid and such, he basically told Paul up front that he would ruin all chances of them being friends if he crossed that line. Will still wanted to do the roommate thing. We both agreed it could help to get the men out of the house so there wouldn’t be future issues such as that one.

Well, Will in keeping with his promise to me would not compromise on location like Paul thought might happen. Paul hasn’t ever been in a monogamous relationship as an adult. He had SIX MONTHS in fucking high school for god’s sake. He doesn’t even have a CLUE what a real relationship is about. For the last two years he sickly chased after some dumb married whore he worked with!! He doesn’t clearly understand what Will appreciates. He has no point of reference. The devotion dumbfounds him.

Once they were pretty much confirmed in the complex, Paul began freaking out a little. He started looking at his options and decided he wanted to move closer to their other friend. The cool always single guy in the wheelchair who when he’s not ordering in take out for dinner after his cubicle job while hanging out with the same guys he has since he was a teenager as they play console video games together might be going some place where people are drinking and trying to get laid. This is much more Paul’s scene, even though he is just a waiter. For what I gather from Will, he sees the validity of vapidity in Paul’s eyes yet both of us also know it will not really get Paul any further ahead in life as he claims he truly wants.

When Paul was still heading in a direction that helped Will, he was cool with Paul not contributing more then the occasional pack of smokes, or liters of soda, and washing all the dishes for me in exchange for this place. He worked harder on getting me money then ever before. Never mind that the entire supportiveness of their friendship/relationship is in NO WAY cost efficient for me. And honestly, I could get people to do the dishes without all the baggage. Now that he sees how selfishly Paul turned his back on the cooperative effort to improve all of our situations, even after we’ve helped in so many ways, he is pissed.

Will still wants his own place, only now it is just going to have to wait. He just can’t find a studio apartment or even one bedroom in this area for the price he can afford. We are now negotiating ways to divide the apartment up better for adult vs teen use areas. I am trying to convince him that if he would move his stuff in here we could not spend that money on storage and it would feel better. He’s such a big pussy on this commit without that level of commitment thing, but whatever. None of it really matters in the long run.

So now we are counting the days till Paul is fuck out of the space. I am helping him by putting him in touch with my rental guy, going shopping with him so he gets everything he needs at a good price and with a little taste, plus encouraging him to look for things in the area by providing him with links/information. I am being totally nice just to expedite the situation because Will is fucking miserable. He is ready to toss Paul’s shit over the balcony. Seriously.

In the mean time, I am being as supportive as possible. It may take us renting the occasional out of town hotel room for some privacy, but we will find a way to make that work. If nothing else, I can take on out of town clients so we can make money while feeling like adults. When he’s in a place where he can afford to move out, I will do as I have this time and go help him look for one. I am okay with his need for privacy, as he had done nothing to break my trust in him for the entire time we’ve been together. If anything, he’s repeatedly proven he deserves my faith.

No matter what we haven’t stopped honestly communicating. I have told him from the beginning that Paul’s charms were lost on me. I have yet to see why Will had maintained such fierce loyalty to him. To me he’s another sad little man who doesn’t have a hint of the realities of adulthood. I pity him and that makes it hard for me to really give a shit about him. For that to happen I have see the value of them as people so they may earn my respect…in this case, that just ain’t happening!

So if I am not answering my calls and/or email it’s because I don’t really want to talk. I have too much going on within my home right now. No matter how much I may love you right now I am overloaded. My primary is in pain. I have to help heal him. I don’t even promise this behavior will ever improve, as I am kind of in a place right now where I don’t feel like putting too much on the line.

My boundary lines keep getting moved by others. I am really feeling imposed on by others who need answers when I am unsure of what every single day may bring into my space. Until this is settled down expect invert behavior from me. I am in self-preservation mode. I am sorry if you are one of those who love me most and just want to help. Right now the only place I am garnishing assistance from in the time continuum. Once enough time has passed that this overwhelming situation becomes inconsequential I will try harder to give you all the attention you so richly need.

Till then, take care of yourselves and those you lv, M

Colbert...Oh Stephen...I do love you so...even though you have the strangest hairline ever, as we have all noticed since you shaved your head for your military troops support tour...damn does it look awful...I hope your wife cried...right before she slapped you!

Also if you ARE going to have the balls to go through with it -- oh and btw congrads on getting Obama to do the ear joke, does he get the comic book? I hope not; he should have to come on set -- then why on earth would you feature such a good looking bald man during your highlighted soldiers?? I LOVED that guy! What a great find by your staff! The chick kept you in line too!! Sooooo cool...

Finally, thank you. Thank you for being so damn earnest in showing the stupidity of the system. The whole scene about the 'don't ask' ON THE DAMN BASE was fucking brilliant.

You can sing, dance and/or march into my life any time!! I do love you so!!

Did you know that I have a bizarre talent for remembering the names of total wankers? Yep. I don't forget. So changing your handle doesn't help when you contact me from the new profile then sign your shit the same way...Stupid fucks.

I am really not in the mood for this shit. Let me tell you little prickwads a thing about a femdom on a starvation diet -- WE TURN INTO SUPER BITCHES...Blame it on the edginess accompanying eating less than 1500 calories a fucking day...somedays closer to less than 1000!!

Yep, I am forcing myself to loose some weight. Some stupid fan on MyS classified me in a group of BBWs!! Really? Did I slip that far? Was I too okay with my curves? WELL NOT ANYMORE.

I am fucking living on nuts, fruits and veggies. Oh and rice instead of pastas and other carbs. Steamed artichokes and bananas are my best friends. I have also reduced my soda intake to a minimum from a hard core addition.

I haven't begun to exercise like crazy, but I have begun to do more active things when I have energy. The main problem is I don't have any extra. My intake is so low that I am pretty much drained. I noticed this hardcore yesterday, which was about the one week mark of me doing this in true earnest.

My beautiful Kitty Girls both stopped by this week and I didn't have much to share with either of them. Longdistance Kitty tried sooooo hard to distract me, but I was pulling up the last of what I have for her. I had to nap one day and it didn't even really help. It makes me sad that I just don't have it in me right now.

Knowing this can all be turned around with minor modification on my end is just the starting ground. I have to begin at least with the 10000 steps a day project. Walking to the grocery store once a week is just not enough. I have to force myself to go to the damn pool before dark. [The lock up at dark for some unknown reason, and I prefer to stay out of the sun.] If I can move around more then my body will stop eating my fat and turn it into toned beautifulness...

In the mean time -- put up with my bitchiness. You really don't have a choice, other than to not read my ever so entertaining blogs! ; P

Here is what happens to fuckfaces that keep trying the change the profile game described at the beginning of this blog:

I just blocked you. I thought about the michael/misha name and it all came back to me.

You are that idiot who showed up with the letter for a private meeting at my mentor's place -- Miss Lydya Whitney is her name -- and acted like you wrote it for me, while we all know it was a form letter. You had presented the exact same letter at Max Rulz's place to her less than a week before. She had told us all about it because we are cousins.

you still lie about your age. we all know you are a good ten more years then you advertise...probably still lie about being married and everything else.

Try using a new handle bc some of us never forget, asshole. Those of us in the know realize you are just a jerk off looking for a free session from pros. Otherwise you wouldn't ask to get naked when you walk in the door. Knowing what a wanker you are, you will probably get off on this tell off letter...cheap fuck.

Seriously NEVER FUCKING CONTACT ME AGAIN OR I WILL REPORT YOU TO WHATEVER SYSTEM IT IS ON FOR HARASSMENT.

M

Some doors open and others slam shut

Shutting you out before you can really hurt me

You’re fucking leaving

You might be ten doors down or whatever

BUT YOU ARE STILL FUCKING LEAVING

You’re not the only one who is going to miss everything

You ARE the only one with a choice

Shut your fucking face and know your fucking place

---------------------------------------

Frigidity

Does my coldness scare you now?

Just wait…artic blasts are just around the corner

Drying me up and freezing me down

Why be warm and inviting?

So you can take my sunshine away again?

You are the cloud blocking Spring’s radiance

Actually, excuse me that was unfair…

That would be my distemper and resentment.

Sister Twister? A force of nature in her own right?

More like one hell of a hurricane brewing just off the coast

Put on your slickers and just wait for the flood

That is if you even care enough to wait out the storm

And hopefully it is for the better....

We will see...

Patience...temperance...timing...

Going to have to wait it out and see...

Will and Paul are looking for Ricki so they can rediscuss a three bedroom together. The boys went and looked at 2 and 3 bedrooms here in the complex today. Honestly, I am so ready for them to give me some space that I am being totally supportive...

But I don't think Will realizes how much his life is really going to change...no more using my car...no more waking up and going to bed together...meals by invite only...and surprisingly, me finding other ways to spend my time rather then just hanging out here with him...Afterall, I won't have 2 fucking boys to add to my costs!!

No more free ride...even if we aren't breaking up...from now he can feel what it is like to struggle again...I think he's forgotten...

I will bet he's back living here in six months or less.

oh and if you all think this isn't breaking my damn heart, well, then you don't fucking know me at all...

M [still wondering if I should just turn into a wild horse and run with the wind to protect myself from what will eventually break me...]

Currently listening: Wild Horses By The Rolling Stones Release

Opened all the doors and turned off the AC. It's a balmy 70 something outside with just the right touch of humidity that helps chill the air only a bit. I watched Smarty the Squirrel enjoy the peanuts I put out for it, but have yet to venture to the porch.

I did manage to program the favorites channels on the cable remote!! Such an uber cool feature. I will never have to ever be bothered by that stupid scrolling ever again. Over half of mine are the music channels...hahahaha...of which the Classic Rock one is friggin jammin' out right now...

Went outside once today though. Had to go pick up the girl chylde from school. Seems she went puke-a-zoid in the bathroom and a stupid stomache flu has hit our school. Oh joy. That might explain why I had one out for two days last week, huh? And now I feel a little sea sick at moments, but haven't begun that worshipping the porcelan [sp?] god stuff...Just NO appetite..probably a deterant from my subconscious!!

Plus ALL of those in the house have been dragging ass...both kids keep taking late in the day naps, saying they are exhausted from school...They wake up right before dinner most of the time...Paul gets up at the asscrack of dawn and then naps before the kids 'teen bomb' us after school...Will naps on the couch around the same time when he's home, but he gets up a little later...I have been COMPLETELY thrown off by this change in life so now I am waking up either soon after Will or a little before him...Last night this caused me to pass out long before my normal time...

I haven't felt like talking on the phone. I have also limited checking my email accounts. Basically, if there hadn't been a problem that required my attention I would have been shut off completely. I am just a little overwhelmed by having too many people in a small space.

I am sure this aspect of my personality is driving the girlie kitties a little nuts, but I will make amends - promise. I just need the fresh air this weekend. I know this place will feel more spacious and me more gracious when the boys get their own place. Right now I just feel a little weighed down.

I have spent this 'quiet time' thinking more and more about my books. I filmed a short on the dishwashing machine, but need to do the editing and text to go along with it. Right now I am fashioning the first draft of my first book into sort of a power point presentation. I am a very visual person, so one way I want this released is online in a downloadable/semi-self publishing product. It's too hard to explain how my mind is entangled with the ambitions....

Today the sun brought me back to life. I also attribute part of my slumpy feeling to my new diet. I have basically cut my calorie intake in a third. I am determined to lose 15 pounds. I am a little worried what it will mean in terms of wrinkling, but fuck it if I turn out looking closer to my actual age. It's about time!!

Not that I am unhappy a little curvy, but after shooting recently I just became hateful to my self-image. Vanity has won yet again in the constant struggle I have with my behaviors. Besides, I will feel better about approaching people for more work if I don't feel fat.

I hate the damn headaches that come from this. I quit drinking cokes two days ago after a lifelong addiction. Well, not quit completely -- I am just no longer buying them for the house. It's summer and juices/koolaide/tea all taste better this time of year anyhow...[Ironic - John Lennon's Cold Turkey from 1975 is playing off my TV right now]

Now it's just up to me to exercise. Ugh. If you know anything about my physcial health, you will know I have a seriously screwed up back. I live in a constant state of numbness from the pain. I KNOW the whole exercise thing would improve some of it, but it means going through a ton of pain because of the state of tension in my muscles. So my big plan is to take up swimming. It's the lowest impact with a quick payoff if I am consistant. I haven't been able to start this because of this cold front but Will is down to go with me.

He's trying to be supportive of my recent ups and downs. It's seasonal and we know there is little I can do about it. Spring's on and off hot to cool makes me a little like that. He's not worried because he knows happy mania is just around the corner...Three to four glorious months of me in something productive mode...

He's ready for me to write. Lately I have spent a great deal of our talking time dicussing my ideas. I need to organize them and really get myself heading down the road. I know it's within me.

I've always been taught that the best writing comes from topics that you know best/from you life. So I think I am perfectly qualified to talk about how to manage a household for someone that is considerate of the economics, tastes and standards. It's really three books in one as the first part will be dedicated to teaching the dominants how to use the tools within the text, a second for the submissive's understanding of the process' hows and whys, then the negotiation/implimention of the process as a dynamic.

I know it is a lot to take on. But to give myself credit, I have learned a lot in ten years from BOTH sides. I have observed what works and does not for myself and others. I have inquired to Tops and Bottoms about what has worked and failed with them.

I want it to be interactive and multimedia. I want the best with what I can do. I just have to outline, prep myself mentally and focus. Actually hyper focus....

So expect more blogs. They are what help me wrap my mind around writing. I am sure you will see much of the information I give out in my future publications~

Lv M

Advice I have shared with newer HOUSTON community participants recently

These are exerpts from recent communications I have had with random folks who are either wanting to become involved in the scene deeper or more then just on a 'weekend warrior' basis. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND RIGHT NOW I AM SUFFERING FROM MY THIRD CASE OF COMMUNITY BURN OUT FROM MY DEDICATION, so my opinions are a little jaded. Oh and they are just my own NOT every Snake agrees with me on every point...The comments in italics I have added post conversation for the outside reader to understand my reasons and logic on this rant...Anyhow this is how I truly feel at this moment of this day:

Best of luck with your new journey within us...

Please remember there are plenty of folks who do shit that can be really wrong - who cause problems and hurt people, then go away for a while, only to return when the assorted community attendee list changes with new participants. Some come back and take leadership positions because those who had the problems with them have since left the community leaving the new people to learn for themselves with no real history to pull from. Others come back and just terrorize individuals, rather than groups. With so many people eager to be accepted, folks tend to ignore warning signs. This can be a big pool of 'followers' who will adore anyone who acts like whatever fantasy the 'follower' expected when they came to the community -- even if they are complete jerks who fuck everyone over...

Notice I said 'pool of': this implies it does NOT apply to everyone across the board. It DOES appy to certain types of people that exist all over the planet.

Lesson here: TAKE THE TIME TO GET KNOW PEOPLE SO THAT THEY EARN YOUR RESPECT...Watch the leaders closely...See who flocks to whom and what quality of a person they are following is...Do they have moral ethics? Do they treat those in their care with respect and love OR do they neglect them everytime a 'new shiny object' becomes available to them? Do they have exclusive lists but act like they are open to anyone? How do they treat the folks who come to help with their events? Do they support other community events or is the group more of a cloistered nature?

Think about it this way -- how can anyone worship/support/follow a leader/Dom/board member/host of events and or parties that wouldn't be the kind of person they would invite into their homes and around their kids?

I am sorry, but I just can't set foot in the home of someone I do not respect. I am just not that hungry for a party I guess. I also can't stand people who are one way to your face and another behind your back. At least with me you can know if I am saying something behind your back I will also say it right to your face. Don't worry though, sometimes it's not all bad!

Just my spin on what new people who become involved enough care about the community SHOULD be asking themselves...But I also am one of those people who would never offer anyone a collar of any sort after knowing them for less than a year...I take all of this VERY personally, as it is not only my career and social outlet, but also how I live 247...To me the folks who do everything too soon are just desperate for someone to love them and not in the right place for the commitment to be a mutually unselfish and healthy Ds dynamic.

This has to do with leaders. producers, hosts and Doms. After having an amazing and LARGE family for over a decade, I pay close attention to others who try to do the same. Some I advise on a regular basis, while others I just observe. In my opinion too many people who are eager for poly accept and tag people too quickly...I wrote about this to another person [but I had to do a little editing here because it was in regards to a particular individual] and said:

See, long before you noticed someone has been added to our family they have passed mine [screening process]. It takes me a ton of interaction to trust someone enough to label them that. That's why we tell people the only way to get into the Snakes is to show up. We have to be able to see not only how they interact with me, but with the rest of the Serpentarium as well...

It takes over a year or two before I will even collar those who belong to me. I think I was right about the one and a half year mark before I offered one to Will. I also don't do a big ceremony when I give one. I tend to say, "This is your collar if you want it. If you do then put it on".

Please remember I partner to switches. My people don't want all that hoopla, they just want my collar. I am really not big into pomp and circumstance!

So many seem to be grabbing up people who really needed somewhere to belong to expand their numbers. I question anyone so desperate for love/adoration. I have secretly used this phrase as a tool when expressing something I deeply feel --

If you will accept the adoration of someone new into your life, you should know the quality of your worshippers before you value their choice to admire you.

To me this means the most valuable admiration comes from those who have proven themselves with 'sweat equity' and endurance of love through trials and tribulations. Not just because anyone else might thing you are cool.

Think of it this way: A stranger writes you and tells you how beautiful you are just from images on the internet. Big fucking whoop. But if the person you love most of all sees the same images over your shoulder and says 'That's my favorite' then you value it a bit more, right?

This is not saying anyone who blindly follows is bad. For me, I don't want the energy of those kinds of folks. Other 'leaders' NEED it so badly that they don't give a fuck who does it. Nevermind that the 'followers' would follow the devil into hell if they found him sexy/dominant/controlling in a pleasurable way enough....

HOLY CRAP THIS ONE IS FUCKING HOT!

Ugh. Every fucking time I log in at this time of day someone I onced loved dearly is online. It leaves me wondering if his ever so not pleasant wife knows he is out hunting...he MAY claim differently but he has historically underminded his own relationship by starting things up behind her back -- sometimes under the guise of friendship...

I hope I am wrong about this but 3 out of 3 of my recent predictions have been directly on the money....I tried to call him out on it recently but he evaded the inquiry...I would HATE to be the woman who will have the wife's fury bestowed onto her for it is vengeful and relentless.

Trust me. I know. So if you are approached by this person be aware...he may claim his wife is understanding...but it's all in his head...She once tried to play along but it all got contorted and they suffered for it...

She's jealous. She's insecure. She has reason to be. He's proven himself time and time again...

Sorry Dude, but because I once loved you - I worry for you. Not that I would ever want you back. Hell no. If you did to her with me, you would do it to me with someone else.

Fix yourself and it'll help your marriage.

Remember, you love her more than anyone...or so you said,

M

Hi Dear, Good Day..I'm Jeffrey Silver by name ,I'm from NY Elmira, I'm 5'8" tall and weight 165 lbs,am 40yrs old
Just a hint folks when I am reading an email, I always look at the person's stats. I don't need this shit in an email.


I'm Divorced but am looking for the right woman to spend the rest of my life with, am seeking for my dream mate.
Wow. Good for you buddy. Really, but why would you write ME about this? My ad says about five times in a bright color that I AM NOT HUNTING. Oh could it be because you have no fucking interest in what I want. Hell you don't even have the snap to stop advertising as a couple if you are divorced?

After checking this profile, I do see a woman's stats. Again WTF? Are you divorced or are you couple? ACCORDING TO THE SYSTEM THIS PROFILE WAS ONLY MADE THREE DAYS AGO...Wow now that's a quick rebound!!

I Work on inspection Info.Technology,we inspect Boiler Units at power plants all over the country,
I feel safer already. A selfish person is working on inspecting stuff. Yeah world.

well i am new on here and just surfing through the profile and  i saw your profile on here and it caught my eyes because of your sweet,lovely,understanding,affectionate words on your profile..
Oh this person sooooooooo didn't read my profile. Do you think this is yet another FORM LETTER?? I fucking know it is...transparent...

maybe we can know more about each other and see what comes out of it..wait to hear from you ..and i will like to chat with you My yahoo id is  (deleted for his protection ) you can add me to your massager list and i will also appreciate if you can take time to send me email on my private email address.  {deleted again for his protection}

Cheers

Jeff

Well, welcome to another chapter of 'yet how not to approach a femdom'...Good golly what a putz! BLOCKED after a copy of this blog was sent -- since it is appearant that this moron didn't bother to read my blog as directed at the beginning of my profile...

Lv M

Oh my fucking god. I hate these kinds of notes:

UNPROVOKED EMAIL FROM A MALE DOMINANT FROM TEXAS WITH A REDNECK APPEAL...HOLDING A DEAD FISH IN CAMMO DOESN'T MAKE YOU A MAN BY ANY STRETCH...I wonder if your TX THICK STEAK IS AS THICK AS YOUR BIG FAT HEAD...

11:30 AM this dick sends me:
if your not looking for anything,,,,,,,why even bother being on this site,,,,,,,seems a waste of time

To which I reply:
Shows how little you understand the social networking aspect of the community....When you get that then ponder why I am here...I actually KNOW the people on my friends list.

IF you ARE hunting why are you browsing FEMDOM profiles? Most of them don't want anything to do with male dominants.

M

This moron comes back with:
never mind c u n t.......but here's a clue.......the tampon////////DOESNT GO IN........SIDEWAYS........just another poser.......probably some little fag....with a lil 2 inch peanut.......good luck in your community of fags

Now if the A$$MONKEY hadn't blocked me, he would have got this final response from me before I blocked him:

And good luck to you getting laid with a potty mouth like that...


Oh and try looking up MichelleFromHell online...I should be the first few google hits at least...I can PROVE my qualifications while jerkwads like yourself only dream of having a life like mine...

And I'd be proud to be a 'fag'...so much better then a fuckface, like yourself.

M

Due to overwhelming response from my ever so loving friends I am going to take the time to write out what we have going on here in terms of the pod dynamics, how I foresee costuming/themes/image styles for several shoots and other details regarding the photoshoot I am requesting. I am so blessed so many people responsed with yes that I have tons of options here and many ways to get the shots I would love to have for us.

THE CURRENT "HELL CAT HOUSE" POD CONSISTS OF: Our pod has grown in the last two months to include two of the Serpentarium's unattached females under our protection, plus my pet's best male friend who is an unattached sub male. All stereotypical sexual pleasure outsourced at those under our protections' choice, we negotiated no sexual exchange from Tops to Bottoms within the pod...The dynamic breaks down like this:

Michelle - Always Dominant/Lead Dom/Head of House

Will - Alpha boy-second in command/Switch/Top over the others/collared to Michelle/playmate to all

Suz - Uncollared/freerange switch who bottoms to Will and Michelle/Allowed to Top Paul & Kaleigh by their request/Serves the pod as a whole *part-time

Kaliegh - Uncollared/freerange sub who serves along side Suz to Michelle and Will/playmate to the other two *part-time

Paul - Uncollared/free range sub who is learning under our guidance and serving the pod in general/playmate to the other two *currently full-time

It's called the Hell Cat House because three of the four bottoms identify as cats. Michelle identifies as feline too.

IMAGES *Individually I want each of us to get a new headshot. Those under our protection are in search of permanent homes, so it would help each person with their profiles. I want these to reflect the personality of each player, and not necessarily be 'casting call' types.

*Couplings/pairings I need a new image of Will and Myself. I need one of Suz with him. I need one with Kaleigh and Suz. I need one with the two girls plus myself. I need one with the two boys. I need one with the four of them.

*The group as a whole I am thinking of images where the five bodies are staged with the 3 subbies down low and Will + I above to form a positive space focused with the silohette being a triangle visually like the Renaissance artists did with religous imagary with variations around that concept. I am presumptious in assuming you will have some understanding of this, even though I have no clue if you have ever taken an art history class...If not, I will gladly look some up online and see if I can find an example. The image I remember from that day is the painting of Jesus and John the Bapbist as babies on the Madonna's lap....

*Costuming For one shoot I want us all in sargongs. It's the uniform around here. These means some topless shots or we may opt to wear bikini tops. It's up to the girl at the moment. [One will be tits covered bc I am framing it to put in my livingroom.]

For another I want us shot in RenFaire theme clothing. We each have our own. This might be great for an outdoor shoot. There is a good park nearby where we could find a spot.

Of course we need one in 'going out'/fetish clothing. We could possibly shoot this one at a friends house with a full dungeon. Otherwise those might be best done in studio.

I would also like one in nighties for the girls/PJ's for the boys. This one could have more sexual overtones. I would love to shoot this in my bedroom. Plus I want one with the kitties wearing ears and being playful!!!

Finally I want one of us in blue jeans and tank tops. Girls will be in cut off shorts. Think hillbilly.

*Visual themes to go with costuming sarong very casual. natural. airy. relaxed.

renfaire piratey. fun. think Anne Rice's Beauty stuff.

fetish clothing obviously fetish toys, positions, and maybe some bondage

_jammies_ playful, pillowfighting, wrestling, etc...

hillbilly think texan...ropes and such

*locations

HellCatHouse is off Memorial Drive between Eldridge and Dairy Ashford. We have several areas appropriate to shooting, including a patio.

During weekdays we have a house with a big backyard and pool available. I would like to shoot the sarong shots there. It's off HW 6 near 529. THESE MUST BE SHOT BEFORE 3 PM.

There is a park no more then 5 minutes from my house where we could shoot the renfaire themed shots. Or open to location or studio with these shots.

fetish would be great shot in studio, but if needed I can request a friend with a dungeon allow us to shoot there.

I want the jammie shots done at my house in my bedroom. Advance arrangements must be made for a night shoot, thanks to the two teenagers who are still living at home. If we must shoot at night, depending on the time of the month, I might be able to spring for a cheap motel room.

For the hillbilly shots we have a place in Baytown to shoot. It's a family members property with a great old barn. Bondage friendly too.

I am also open to other suggestions on locations...

AVAILABILTY:

Will, Kaleigh and myself all have fairly flexible hours and are easily available any time of day.

Paul waits tables and has Sundays and Mondays completely off.

Suz is out of town with a varying schedule. She may not always be available to shoot with the group.

Let us know what works best for you and I will handle the arrangements on this end.

I hope this answers most of the questions in advance. If you should have more, please do not hesitate to write.

THANK YOU AGAIN DEAR FRIENDS FOR COMING TO MY RESCUE ON THIS ONE~ Lv, M

Here's the bottom line -

It's time for me to update my images. I finally changed my hair color and cut & have a completely new look.

I also have extended my pod and need a new pod image including everyone

So what I need is someone to shoot these...

MODELS
You will be working with three beautiful redheads that are all female. [Including me!]

You will also be shooting two handsome males.

IMAGES/THEMES
Some will involved nudity or seminudity

Some will involve a BDSM theme

Some will include costumings we provide

LOCATION
Looking to shoot these in my home. We can do some images indoors and some on the patio.

If you have your own lighting, it would be a huge plus but arrangements can be made.

If you have a studio we'd be open to shooting there...

Any takers?

EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW...

OF course all parties involved will have the rights to use the images to post online

OF course we want the photographers watermakers on each image

OF course we will credit all photographers when posting images online w/ their preferred links

Lv M

Sorting through some resentments.

Looking for the lessons learned.

Bothered I didn't say something sooner.

A shut down of the lines of communication from this end.

Trying to repair the break but not sure if the wound will heal.

So many years entangled.

The vines are so thick it feels strangling.

This may just be the moment I pull out the machete and begin to hack until they bleed.

Even if I cut off my own hand in the process.

M

What makes the Serpentarium a family and NOT a social organization/party group:

Some groups are focused on a select aspect of a fetish. I have many examples but this one is the clearest one:

There are FemSuprem groups who require all the subs to attend the event in under ware, collars and cuffs. I applaud the organization for designing a monthly gathering for people who can only manage one night of the experience due to their daily lives not being conducive to kink. Their parties are unlike any other I have ever attended. It is a unique experience, but not one I ever learned to appreciate.

For me, it was too staged. It was more of a weekend warrior event. I never felt at home there. I don’t like my boys nearly naked, displayed and spoken to the way the male guests were at the evenings I attended/hosted for them out of my Triway House.

We are ourselves without pretense. Our family does Vanilla and Kink shit together. Some of us spend more time with one or another pod and are closer than others. Some pods are close to lumped together because of this, and those lumps seem to be transitional as a well. Generally though, we all do interact together as often as can be scheduled. Sadly with Vanilla always being a consideration, we have had less time in the recent past -- something I am trying to change.

Individually we support each other as parents, partners and playmates.

To me, this means:

Parents - For those of us who have children we can turn to each other to discuss the things involved with managing a child while living in this lifestyle. From those without, we garnish insights that we often overlook though the cloud of parenting. It is a nice balance. [Our kids have a lot in common.]

Partners - We can turn to each other to discuss any aspects of our interpersonal relationships. We can advise each other on things to improve them or decide what is working or not. Some of us play match maker to the unattached ones. [I have done a great deal of relationship counseling with certain individuals when asked.]

Playmates - Often times we have found that long term relationships endure if the poly aspect is explored in terms of playing amongst our selves. For myself, I provide our unattached bottoms with a safe play day that will meet their needs without the pressures of sex. I also fill in for some of the attached Doms when the bottom needs some playtime without that pressure also. This gets everyone's needs met so that they can return to their primary dynamic with a better attitude. [It tends to be therapeutic.]

Sinfest was worked just like the parties back on Triway that were done by this family. We all brought our talents together for one night of kick ass fun. We could have never done a production of that size without each family member who gave what they could to it. Even when basically avoiding the general public for all other events, our family came out of the woodwork to lend a hand whenever we asked.

When other members have taken on tasks at events we have returned the favor. We travel to other cities, work equipment and help in whatever way possible to make a family supported event special. While many of the ‘outsiders’ may not know we are family [and occasionally some of us don’t know that others are our blood], together we are magic.

first step to losing something folks worked really hard on is to have a major producer in this city begin doing a monthly party at the venue your project is under...we all know that producer is not popular enough to fill that large venue once a month...So what makes you think they won't take your space to pull off their plan?? The people involved are ASSHOLES and would STAB YOU IN YOUR EYE TO ROB YOU OF YOUR DOLLAR!!

i've seen the flyer...that means the venue is committed to the concept...the venue is the larger lease holder then the people involved in the project have with the owner of the actual space...What the fuck makes it unclear the eventually the major lease holder will take over the newly refinished space provided by the project people??

GOD IT IS SO OBVIOUS I JUST WANT TO VOMIT. MY PSYCHIC TONES ARE RINGING SO LOUDLY IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW THAT MY BONES ARE BEGINNING TO ACHE...I hate this gift. I hate it. Please God just once let me be wrong. Please.

Also if you support this monthly party YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. Plain and simple. Only an asshole would give those pricks ANY money. Especially after I plainly stated the truths about what a bunch of shit talking jerkwads who really are trying to fuck you at your own expense.
M

Yet another fine example of how not to approach a femdom...And my retort!
*With photo this time!

I had taken a break from responding to these kind of schmucks but today it annoyed the shit out of me that I was having to ignore this moron twice...

On 3/8/09 at 1:13 AM - he wrote:

Hi how are you doing. I am male 24 years old and I live in Los Gatos,San Jose, Ca.  I will glad to know you more and have chat with you. I am a student. I am new in this kind of lifestyle. I have met different women in different ages and I know women well.this is My ID  removed again for his protection I will glad to have chat with you.
By The Way Nice Picture

DAMN I THOUGHT I BLOCKED THIS JACKASS...So I respond with [before blocking him for sure this time]:

EVENTHOUGH I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU NO ON 3/8/09 AFTER YOU SENT ME THIS FORM LETTER FOR THE FIRST TIME, I want to give a lesson that will benefit you while in school -- I have a minor in literature -- it's called how to do a close reading:

When you are interested in subject matter, you might considering doing a little close reading on the topic...This means finding out more about the topic by reading what is written about whatever it may be....Sometimes this requires deep research, while in other instances the information is quite readily available. A smart student uses a little of both...For if the topic is something they truly want to explore, they will use the located information to develop an opinion of the value of the topic to them on a personal level...

If you were really interested in me -- as a friend or anything else -- then why didn't you read my bio??? It's clearly written and explains what I will and will NOT put up with in terms of reaching out to communicate with me...A man who really does know women knows that we like our viewpoints recognized and opinions respected...

Please please a smarter student...learn what women really DO want...I will give you a hint -- IT IS NOT UNINIVITED EMAILS TO AN ACCOUNT THAT CLEARLY ADVERTISES IT IS NOT HUNTING/LOOKING...

Quite selfish of you too...You knew you'd NEVER meet my needs and yet you bothered me because you thought the professional images of my career were sexy...Good luck with women with that kind of approach!

Where I am concerned you are blocked. Now kindly fuck on off. That crap never works on me.


But now I am wondering if he's not one of those freaks who likes to be told by women what a piece of crap he is...I hate giving them their kink for free...Afterall, I am a pro! lol, lv M

I have been doing some extensive research and think it would be dangerous to open a public dungeon in Houston. I know everyone THINKS it will not fall into the SOB category but here is part of what I learned and how I fear the whole concept may be in danger:

FROM: http://law.onecle.com/texas/local-government/

Texas Local Government Code - Section 243.002. Definition § 243.002. DEFINITION. In this chapter, "sexually oriented business" means a sex parlor, nude studio, modeling studio, love parlor, adult bookstore, adult movie theater, adult video arcade, adult movie arcade, adult video store, adult motel, or other commercial enterprise the primary business of which is the offering of a service or the selling, renting, or exhibiting of devices or any other items intended to provide sexual stimulation or sexual gratification to the customer.

Judging this fact is soley up to the law enforcment of the area. If you have equipment onsite for use, rent [which is what is implied by charging an entrance fee] or purchase the equipment you have already broken the law.

§ 243.004. EXEMPT BUSINESS. The following are exempt from regulation under this chapter: (1) a bookstore, movie theater, or video store, unless that business is an adult bookstore, adult movie theater, or adult video store under Section 243.002; (2) a business operated by or employing a licensed psychologist, licensed physical therapist, licensed athletic trainer, licensed cosmetologist, or licensed barber engaged in performing functions authorized under the license held; or (3) a business operated by or employing a licensed physician or licensed chiropractor engaged in practicing the healing arts.

Plan ahead. Get a shrink involved. Then it would be serving 'theraputic services'. MAYBE...

§ 243.006. SCOPE OF REGULATION. (a) The location of sexually oriented businesses may be: (1) restricted to particular areas; or
(2) prohibited within a certain distance of a school, regular place of religious worship, residential neighborhood, or other specified land use the governing body of the municipality or county finds to be inconsistent with the operation of a sexually oriented business. (b) A municipality or county may restrict the density of sexually oriented businesses.

There are no SOB allowed within 1500 feet of each other. This means if there is a wackshack, video/adult store, or topless bar too near your new establishment will not be allowed.

SERIOUSLY, Mayor White is FUCKING WITH ALL ADULT ORIENTED/DRIVEN BUSINESSES IN HOUSTON. I have even more data collected about how they have gone after an assortment of people WHO DIDN'T BELIEVE THEY NEEDED AN SOB for the past TEN years in my my space blog. www.myspace.com/michellefromhell.

I may not be a lawyer but I do know how to look things up online. I also read about ten court of appeals documents about why certain things were legal and others were not.

Oh and it's not just the owners who get arrested. Try everyone in the place. All the cops have to do is declare it a den of lewd behavior, for which I could find NO clear legal definition. I did learn it is completely up to the discretion of the police...who are mayor white's little bitches in this deal!!

PERSONALLY, I am not going. Sorry. Being in the business, I can't take that kind of hit. Hell, I ended Will's bday at midnight last night because VICE was there and our friend told us they were due for one of their monthly raids. I tried calling him to check in on him earlier today, and it seems he may not have made it home last night. I can only pray he didn't have to spend a night in jail. And that was just in topless bar!!

M