I believe it is time to call it quits for now. I haven't given up yet but right now the lifestyle isn't working out for me. It's been quits since July as things didn't work out with my training/love life. This is a lifestyle yes but it isn't to be taken so far into fantasy that it is all that is seen... and done. I have family and friends I don't need in this part of my life. It's extremely hard to do certain things that I don't enjoy or agree in either. Just overall a bad idea and I don't see me in actual practice in the near future. I'm also putting this up to tell yall that I finally finished my schooling ... I am finally a certified Web Applications Developer! Oh, I also have a new boyfriend... I know he's kinky but he's got no clue yet. This is not a message saying good bye or anything. I will still be around but I don't think I'd consider me "in the lifestyle" right now ... just kinkster for now. I've gone through a lot in the last 15 months that have made me realize many things... from relationships to maturity and much much more. I've just grown so much that it's a big fat HOLY CRAP! I am still my same old self... just ... a lot wiser! I've come to see things that wasn't healthy in my relationships and things that were... by stepping back and taking a look at things. I believe cutting out the bad things in my life will help me right now though it very well may not. I will find out. I also need to find myself... I haven't had much of individuality in a long time and it scares the hell out of me. I've not been on my own for the most part in nearly all sense of the word. I was going to stay single but someone came along recently but that may not even work out in the end. Nobody knows whats going to happen in life. Hopefully this new venture will work out. My venturing out into the real world on my own is how I am viewing everything right now. I've come to the cold hard truth that it's extremely important that I become independant ... completely... no man to support me, just myself. I've always known this but it does help to have someone to help with things when they're actually going to help out with finances otherwise you'll just fall on your ass, ran over, backed over - rinse, lather, and repeat. I've been numb and cold for a long time and hopefully this'll change. It was funny today actually... someone real close to me that I've known since I was 15 told me today that I looked happy and asked me why I was so bubbly and smiley. My response made 'em step back a bit ... like "wow did she really just say that?!" kind of response. I feel good about myself unlike I have for a while. I might actually be out of my depression now... I'll find out I guess. I'm just really happy that I have accomplished many things this year and it's made me feel so much better. |