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FTB36

FTB36 - photo 1
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FTB36 - photo 3

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April 2023 - I have recently changed my gender identity back to transgender. I present totally male, but in my heart and mind I remain transgender. Why have I not pursued a new life? Mostly because of a lack of courage. I dream every day of finding the person who would enjoy both sides of me, or even better, pushing me further and further into a feminine role.

I am primarily attracted to ladies. I may consider exploring time with a male, but they have to be willing to be totally in control, and make me feel nothing but feminine in their presence.

I have always enjoyed the company of women. Everything about them..probably why I wish I was just like them. I have long known that I would be happier with a dominant woman, preferably one who enjoys having her partner en femme - either periodically, or more regularly. I am actively seeking a FLR, and would be happy to expand on that further once we talk.

An ideal dream scenario (after all, this is somewhat about fulfilling ones dreams, right?) would be to relocate to some southern state, east of the Mississippi. The relocation is part of a journey with someone I meet here who desires to turn me into her perfect sissy.

But first, before anything, we get to know each other. The best way to know some one is to actually talk with them. I am a reasonably intelligent, and decent looking guy who happens to be internally rather submissive.

Something I have read in another profile sums me up rather well. I have altered it slightly from Masterjj67s profile. I have an intense desire to have my manhood taken and to be completely femmed to the point of no return. Fantasy? Maybe, but until presented with that option, I will never know.

Have a great day and I look forward to chatting with you!! )






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9/29/2016 6:09:52 AM
Having been a bit more active here in recent months, I have learned a few things about myself and others.

First, if you are the dominant person in the situation, be dominant, be demanding, let the submissive know who is in charge.  I have had a great many conversations where this is never done.  It's hard to believe that you will be demanding in a relationship when I cannot feel that in our communication.  That does not mean to be an ass, but to clearly establish who is in charge.  And, I suspect, for the submissive, the more clearly that is defined, the more they will want to please.

Second, there is quick response button provided by CS - use it.  It takes but a second to click on the 'not interested' or some other similar response.  If someone takes the time to send a polite, and thought out message, it seems reasonable that they should at least be given the courtesy of a reply, even if it is a simple, "not interested."

Finally, and most importantly, have a great day!!  Find that amazing person who makes you smile and want to get out of bed every day.  The one you cannot wait to hear from, or see at the end of the day.  The one that makes your heart race just thinking about them.  :)  

8/27/2016 5:30:47 PM
Well, this should prove amusing to the ladies, and likely the gentlemen as well.  I had never been taught anything about make-up.  I had asked my spouse many times while married and each time received the same negative response.  I cannot blame her, and I never really tried to learn on my own.

So, tonight, I decided to give it my first try.  A few years ago, while chatting with a friend online, they suggested a few things to buy - foundation, blush and eye shadow.  All of which I purchased.  Inexpensive and basic colors - nothing fancy.

After having a nice dinner and a few glasses of wine, I opened the boxes, unpacked the items and went to work.  Applying the foundation left me barely able to speak.  I was laughing so hard I had to sit down.  I do not imagine that Maybelline would want the advertising tag line - "This will make you look like the Incredible Hulk."

While perhaps not that extreme, it certainly was not a flattering hue.  I did not get beyond that tonight.  Apparently 'light beige' is not the proper color for me. :)

Any ladies who would like to provide expert tutelage, please let me know!!

5/30/2016 6:27:08 AM
Happy Memorial Day to all!!  Hope it is a great day.

It's been a while since I was here, and was scanning through some new profiles last night.  One had caught my eye, so I sent a brief, but polite message.  The profile asked for messages, so I thought it was appropriate.  It seems not, as I have apparently now been blocked, with no response.  If anyone can ever help me to understand those people, it would be nice.

Those are the things that discourage me from continuing to try and find someone here.  *sighs*

Better luck to you all - I hope you find someone today that makes it a truly memorable day.

3/24/2016 8:52:49 AM
Well, I could not hold out any longer.  I reactivated my account on fetlife and alt.  There are significantly more photos there than here.  It just seems easier to load them to those sites.  If interested, I can be found under maid2serveyou on both sites.

3/17/2016 8:22:14 AM
Yesterday, as I was driving, I passed by a formal gown/bridal shop.  Every time I pass one of these shops, there is an ache so deep inside me, that it is hard to describe.  My stomach starts to churn, and all those desires come rushing to the surface.  

I've not really ever written this down before, and, may likely delete this at some point.  But, the vision of those beautiful dresses, and the imagination filling with thoughts of how they would feel, look, move with the body.  There are some things I do not envy women.  But, this is definitely one area that I am truly jealous of.  

To imagine going to one of these shops with a significant other, going through the process of picking out the right gown - it's near the top of the bucket list.  *sigh*

One never knows what their future holds.  So, I will remain optimistic.  Even if this only lives in my imagination, it is a wonderful thing to hold on to.

3/5/2016 6:18:08 PM
Having been outside of chastity since Thanksgiving, I think it is time to return.  So, earlier tonight, I took out my nice shiny stainless steel device, got the security screw ready, and took a deep breath.  It is always a bit challenging to get the screw in once the device is in place.  Although tonight it seemed surprisingly easy.  Some might call that fate?  

Once the screw was nice and tight, I gave it an extra few turns, just to make sure it was not making it's way out.  Now that I am nice and secure, I stared at the welding epoxy I bought just for the occasion. My hands shook a little bit as I opened the package and read the contents.  The one word that continued to flash through my mind was 'permanent.'  Should I or shouldn't I?  Back and forth I continued to waver.  After finishing a glass of wine (the only one I had today), I uncapped the tube, hovered it over the security screw and squeezed.  It only took a tiny bit to fill in the head of the screw.  I started to panic a little bit now, and looked around for a toothpick, or something else to try and clean it out.  It sets up quickly according to the package, so after another deep breath, I squeezed a tiny bit more out, and smoothed it over the entire opening of the screw.  Just like that, the screw was filled and there was no way for me to remove it.  

I sat back, my heart racing and just stared down.  I have long fantasized about this, and decided to take matters into my own hands, so to speak.  Now that it is done, I start to wonder if it was wise.  *sigh*

Ok, well, the first part of this was true anyway.  I am once again locked up.  For now, the epoxy in the screw will remain in my fantasies.  Who knows, maybe someday there will be a journal entry written about this that is not fiction.  :)

2/21/2016 4:42:42 AM
I recently had a wager on the Superbowl with a good friend of mine.  I met her in the virtual world of Second Life.  And while distance has kept us from meeting so far, we still have some fun times.

Unfortunately I lost the bet.  Silly Carolina.  The result of which is an improvement in my walking in heels.  I am required to wear them each night after work until the end of the month.  At this point, I need the end of the month to arrive quickly.  My feet are killing me.  :)

I suppose had a started with something with a bit smaller heel, I would have been wise.  I will upload a photo of the heels I have been wearing in a moment.

Have a great rest of the weekend!!

1/29/2016 5:54:56 AM
Recently I was asked if I was enjoying my freedom. This made me pause to think about it a few moments. And the answer was that for the most part I do not enjoy my freedom. Having the chastity in place helps to remind me of my role. That the pleasure of others always takes precedence. The one thing wonderful about the freedom is the ability to enjoy the feel of fabric. Too bad there are no silk chastities. :)

11/27/2015 7:52:23 PM
I have had a chastity device for quite a while now.  My most recent has been custom made by mature metal.  I had met an online dominant a while back, and had most recently locked it on as of June 1.  There was one permitted outing on July 26 for a visit to the courthouse (and no, I was not on trial..but renewing a license).

Since then, I have had the device locked on without a break.  However, unfortunately I have had rare conversations with the person monitoring the lock.  As a result, I decided it was time to remove the device yesterday.  After four months of non stop wearing, it is quite a different experience to not have it on.

We shall see how long I manage to keep it off. :)

11/26/2015 6:54:11 AM
Happy Thanksgiving to all.  I hope the day treats you all well, and that there is plenty of feasting to be had.  Exactly what the feast consists of, or who you are feasting on is up to your imagination. :)

11/19/2015 10:59:38 AM
I had spent some time last evening composing a rather negative entry, focused on some recent encounters. Today, I had the luxury of corresponding with someone who made me realize how silly that was.  So, my previous entry was deleted.

I am happy to have had the chance to meet and converse with some great people here so far.  While I may not have found the perfect match for me, I have enjoyed the conversations with like minded people.

I generally like to focus on the positive experiences, so must have been under some evil spell for a few days :) - resulting in an out of body negative writing experience.  The good news is the real me is back.

Thank you to all those who make this an enjoyable place to visit..and even more to those who inspire hope that there is always someone for everyone.

11/17/2015 6:39:49 PM
I have been here for a few months now, and while coming in with hopeful anticipation, I must say at this point that I have been disappointed.  I have no illusions of the challenge in finding a compatible partner to explore life with.  I expect that, and am prepared to be patient as long as is needed.

However, what is just so incredibly disappointing is the level of rudeness that I encounter here.  I am well spoken and always respectful.  If I find a profile of interest, and it seems that we may share common interests, I take the time to write a polite and generally brief introductory message.  Is it really that difficult to compose a one or two sentence reply?  For the most part, if I receive any reply at all, it is simply one or two words.

So, here is a little advice, whether you are dominant or submissive, male or female...it does not take much to simply be a decent person.  If not interested, why disappear?  Why hide your last visit?  Why not simply be the supposed dominant that you are, not to mention the supposed highly intelligent person that most profiles profess to be, and send a simple "Thank you for your interest, however I am looking for something else at this time."

I have found that you reap what you sow.  So, if you are truly looking for someone to spend time with, and enjoy life with, respect them as you wish them to respect you.

Soap box rant temporarily over.

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nathalie646
 
 Age: 27
 Portland, Oregon