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AzMentorDom
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MasterTannerRDRC
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| I am stubborn hard headed...opinionated, strong, independent. Yet a heart of a slave whe he has moved my mind, heart and soul. Really am bad at writing these things!
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"a selfish, arrogant man heard a story of a spiritual guru who could not be offended. curious and challenged by this fact he decided to meet the guru. upon arriving at the temple the man began to hurl verbal and physical insults at him. through this whole interaction the guru sat quietly, totally unaffected by the mans actions. exhausted, the man asked the guru why he had'nt stood up for himself or reacted to the abuse? the guru turned to the man and said, "let me ask you two questions, if i were to give you a gift and you refused this gift, for whom would it still belong?"the man pondered for a moment and finally said, "well it would still belong to you?"after a moment the guru asked the man a second question,"now, if i refused to accept your abuse,-for whom would it still belong?" |
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http://www.sextube.com/media/102010/Head_Games/&lim=0 |
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So.many contacts from so many who do not understand, so few who do...making me frustrated. Going to masturbate to porn then off to the auction...getting a late start. |
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Auction in Peoria this morning, anyone? |
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Would love a good tight bondage session tonight. |
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Almost one week of no smoking!! :-) yeah me...cold turkey..love the suffer...lol |
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K..it use to take me such a long time to cum..then I met this sadistic evil bastard who practiced orgasm control on me...now I see something, like what I previously wrote about, on video..and I cum in like 10. 25 secs..lol.. but can only watch that type of porn for a few minutes, after i cum...I no longer an interested, curious to know why? ....
anyway so going to watch some cream pie videos while thinking about my favorite cuck boy d..
..shame your not man enough to deliver...only real men get to dump those loads..told you already darlin... smiles, maybe you can clean up anything that land on the floor..
more masturbation, then getting out of bed, and off to work.. |
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Had a dream about an old female friend this morning..we were vanilla friends.
in the dream she kissed me on the cheek once.
then again..slowly, awkwardly, on the lips, short kiss..then I kissed her, soft, slow penetrating kiss..then I heard her moan...then I woke up.
Been watching and girl on girl porn and masturbating every since...sadly...time to get out of bed .. |
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Looking forward to a visitor from Vegas these next few days.... |
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Just found this amazing post, that truly expresses how this girls heart feels..credits to Master Steve of Butchmann's circa 1993
HEART OF A SLAVE
A slave is an individual born with a slave spirit. No one can make an individual have this spirit; nothing can be done to create this state in an individual's being. No one trying hard or wishing for this sense of spirit can develop it within themselves and no Master can cause it to occur.A slave is an extraordinary human being who is born with this slave spirit - as much as they are born to breathe, or have gifted talents like design or music. A slave is extraordinary, rare and most often confused until they discover their slave spirit heart. Most slave’s wander through life feeling unfulfilled - as if they have a "dark hole" in their spirit - a hole that can be temporarily filled with an abundance of sex, work, addictive behavior or other whole-life-consuming factors.Slaves often have a sense of the spiritual (some become clergy), but feel this sense of spiritual awareness to be disconnected from their desire for a Mastery/slavery relationship. A slave has a right to feel joy and pride in their slavery and in service to a Master. Slave is often confused seeing Dominance as Mastery; SM as completion; or fetish focus as the fulfillment of this "dark hole" in their spirit. Many can find enough fulfillments in these areas to develop a sense of wholeness (often a quiet longing exists - although for what, the slave doesn't know).The heart of a slave can be actualized only when the spiritual journey occurs that connects this "dark hole" in the spirit to the whole spirit and then to the universe. It is a process of a painful and trusting leap of faith that causes this connectedness to occur - a truly spiritual journey. The heart of a slave can only be complete in service to a Master and it is within this service that the spiritual journey occurs. Slavery is not about a "hard dick or clit experience", although hard dicks and clits happen and are enjoyed. Slavery is the completion of a spirit in search of "connectedness" in the universe.Author: Master Steve of Butchmann's abt 1993. |
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My love of ccoiking..making whole grain blueberry muffins with a touch of sour cream. diced up red and green peppers, red and white onions, red potato, Yukon golds ..little olive oil and butter...then topped them off with blue cheese..some eggs..yum. I cook when I feel anxiety...missing someone..... |
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He reach in to the darkest places
And touched...
Now He is gone, like a summer rain.
His storm nourished, quenched-This girls mind, heart and soul.
Didnt realize how thirsty til it's too late.
Miss You Cool. |
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For a little while now I had deleted my profile...only an interests list...it amazes me how many, well let's just say, ...wankers, write me starting they have just read my profile and feel we would be s good match and let's talk...lol. they must have meant they psychically(think I just invented a new word) read my mind... |
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was just reviewing my list that hasn't been updated for over a year... seems someone has since done everything on my i hate list. Sadistic Evil Bastard~ ;p |
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never fully realized how bi i am until now... mmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm ...i love showers.
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http://cohort11.americanobserver.net/latoyaegwuekwe/multimediafinal.html
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Dec 1 2011, UPDATE OF MARCH 7 2010 POST
Nothing has changed, except myself.
Stronger now, much stronger, in spirit, in mind, in voice (especially in voice) wiser ,
even at moments left with a profoundness beyond words....
i have twisted and turned and tested and tossed and bitched, pissed, moaned, whined, bit, fought, cried....and nothing regarding Sir and those around him, has changed...just myself.
Thankful for his strength, wisdom, patience and most of all, his time. this girl would probably be dead somewhere right now if fate did not play its hand in our meeting.
Thank you Sir for being the eyes when i could not see, being the ears to listen when i refused to, the wisdom when mine didn't exist, the voice that taught me i have one, and for being the Master you are.
You mean so much to so many, You are valued in this community. it is an honor to be allowed to kneel before you as you want, when you want, how you want.
(lol....but mostly as your masseuse..do so love the energy shared! ty! )
an honor to have served you for almost two years Sir, as rough the road i have made...still desire to say to you,
Thank you
(To those reading this, no he does not own me, yes i am single and available, to those of you who are not reading this, your choice..... but do not expect any serious consideration from myself :) smirk
March 7,2010
Today I reflect on the weekend. Cannot help but notice the truth. So many before truly were clueless. Users of me vs my need of being useful.
The freedom I have read about and only contemplated but never fully understood until this weekend.
I cannot help but think about the trigger Sir set off inside. It makes me see how pleasurable it is to know someone so in charge and in control as Sir. A true Master.
A strong Dominant who knows who He is and comprehends all facets to make up the whole. His control always present, always ready to catch one if a boundary is tested or correct one when something was done in the wrong way; His way. it is a pleasure serving Him and the others within His Circle of trust. Consistency is prevalent throughout.
None I have been with before was interested in training, just using and abusing then casting aside. Self - esteem and confidence just eroding like sand from a hillside. No others taking the time to correct, guide and be consistent. I was at the point of walking away for good. He is teaching me to ask the right questions, and I am learning myself as I go. Seeing my submission can be deep when in the right hands.
It is ironic that the others in my past, brought out a neediness, because I was not getting my needs fulfilled.
Sir, on the other hand gives me what I need, and the neediness is gone. I do not understand but am very thankful.
Maybe because my purpose is being fulfilled?
I find myself now choosing to serve out of a deeper place.
Where the future leads no one knows, and it is not the point.
The point is He and other’s around Him have taken Their time by watching, observing, correcting.
It shows me that They are paying attention. By making the effort to train and sharing Their valuable time and knowledge it is making me inspired to do my best. To honor them through service and helping in any way i can to be purposeful.
No one in my past has cared enough to offer structure. Because of the constant and consistent principles and efforts, allows this girl the feeling of letting go.
Letting go of control has been very difficult for me in the past. I understand why now. Within this circle, it is becoming a natural, easy thing to do.
It is a hope that one day i will be so lucky to serve a Master of such caliber, as Sir and His circle of quality friends.
my pleasure in serving.. I am finally able to feel it, experience it and explore it.
I have the utmost respect for Sir and those surrounding Him. |
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It has been about 6 months since i wrote my journal entry liberty and freedom.
I was just talking with a friend about how sickened most of us Americans are of how our new president and congress "gifted" the banks and the executives with big fat bonuses. I started thinking , if THAT MONEY would have been given to the average tax payers...the ones who are paying for all of this. We would not have had a financial institutional collapse as they cried.. most people would not have lost their homes. Many people out of work... businesses would not have been closing... We would not be in the places we are now.
I can never understand why , big business and big money get fed meanwhile the ones who sweat and break their backs, struggling to get by get left behind. When do we ever get money back.. what 600 stimulus?? What a freakin joke... really pisses me off.
So i started thinking
If every tax payer in the USA was given lets say $10,000. The banks would not have crashed.. there would have been money to stimulate the economy and most taxpayers would have had money to NOT LOOSE THEIR HOUSES. not to mention credit cards debts may have been paid off. Car companies would not have been needing bail outs.. (we know alot of people would have bought a car, i know i would have! looks at her beater car that she struggles to keep running..)
There were aprox 135,000,000. tax payers who filed last year. (odd considering there are over 304 million people.. but thats another topic ;) )
multiply that times 10,000 comes out to be 1.35 trillion dollars. now i know it sounds like alot....LOL... guess what the National Debt is? 12.4 TRILLION.
Banks received 700 billion in bailouts.. aren't banks the people who HOLD OUR MONEY? and they invest it and make money off of our money?? So shouldnt we the people have received this money and not the banks??? they are just a building.
WE ARE LIVING BREATHING HUMAN BEINGS...
(what scares me is what those people running those buildings are really doing.. with the money, morning Joe has been talking about they have been gambling with our money ....taking our money and investing in risky investments and PLEASE TAKE NOTE there is no legislation set to stop them from doing it again!
At least my way the money would have gone back into the economy to those who deserved it and need it ...think of all of your neighbors coming into 10,000 each, could have invested together and started new businesses or ..well too many things to think of that might have made a huge difference and that COULD HAVE HAPPENED. coulda shoulda woulda... disgusting.
INSTEAD
it went into rich executives and the upper 10% of this countries elite their banks accounts and off shore accounts and investments to help them keep their cushy way of living.. meanwhile families are now on the streets... elderly on fixed incomes loosing their homes.... what a disgrace
anyone who is a politician in this country who voted for this garbage, i have no idea how you hold your head up and sleep at night... you should be very very ashamed.
Sickening isn't it?
Are you aware what major executives did at ebay dec 2008...one is now what going to try and run for governor of california?....be very alert and watchful of her..corruption and power) do you think they knew what was coming..? they inflated the price of the stock and massive....yes massive amounts of stock were sold off... HUGE money was made..then 2009 came..
the previous president of ebay was friends with Bushie McCain obama e... and can't remember now who...but worth researching. I use to have copies of all the posts on the discussion boards from ebay when the uprising happened and virtually every seller left ebay.. people were posting documents and filing charges with the ftc because ebay was forcing sellers out.. huge boycott..during this time those documents came out showing the stock being sold off by executives and the massive quantities they were dumping..they knew what was coming and made their money and got out.
who said there wasn't some insider information going on their.. its what the rich do.
and without conscience the masses (who gave them what they have now, who put them where they live now, who gave them the security to never have to work again) the masses are buried deeper in debt.
my heart is overwhelmed with pain and anguish
a Vietnam vet wrote me and told me that even thought a vet is on disability or ssi when the government gave the stimulus money ...vets received 250.00 there tax debt which is normally 0.00 on ssi /dis now grew to .. 250.00 NICE!!!
how we appreciate the lifes of those who risked them to keep us free..(and the rich rich)!!
almost sounds like a candy coated spawn of satan doesn't it?
yeah i know a bit dramatic!
anyways just my views and opinions..giggles
not that they matter much when it comes to day to day living
live, laugh, love
life is too short for anything else
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Liberty and Freedom
I have a very active mind. I just awoke wondering about my individual needs, then i started wondering on a larger scale, Our individual needs as a whole nation and who decides?
Who's interest are the decisions made in? Ours? Theirs? Special interests?
What are the characters of each of these people who make these decisions?
What is their moral compass?
With hindsight now, we see the moral compass of those in the financial sector.
So who's interest were these decisions made in with our money? Crippling what use to be the greatest nation in the world?
Why should we, as American citizens have to give over our money or allow these "corporations etc" to write the rules get laws passed and decide that we have to do what they say?
Is it in the best interest of the nation or for those with the most money? Or those who are equivalent to a wanna be Dom??
I just seen on the news yesterday that they are now going to require us to have documents to go on a cruise..or any small travel. We cannot even leave our own country. Home of the free and the brave?
Aerosmith has a line in one of their songs(albeit the song wasn't about this) Chip away , chip away at the stone. They (those in places of power) are slowly chipping away at all the freedoms and rights that this country was built upon. That our forefathers died for. Our liberties. Slowly they are turning them into sand.
What are their motivations?? and shouldn't we be allowed as "free people" to say- no. I dont' agree therefore i won't abide? We are blind sheep being led to slaughter. We have to do as told or we go to jail. As a submissive i will never again blindly go, believing everything i am told.
On a larger scale i want to say ok: Prove to me that you are acting in my best interest and then we can say, ok , you are making sure we have health care, ok, you are making sure our planet is going to exist for milleniums to come, ok you are showing me you care and will "act" in my / our best interest. Then yes.
But to give without knowing who is behind the veiled cloak. I say no. I say we should have the right to know everything about everyone who is making these decisions before we even allow them to write a law, pass legislation. Who are those that are backing them? Sitting in the back room, dark little corners of their world. Waiting for the next election , the next board meeting , brown nosing their way up the ass to be the next Powerful leader of a financial brokerage firm, in charge of Our money, Our destiny. OUR LIVES>
If they want to represent us then lets ask 100 people who have known them throughout their lives, who can say, yes he is a sound leader. Yes he should be heading that corporation. And i am not talking about letting them hand pick the people who will speak up. I am talking about going back to their universities, their high schools, their co workers that knew them on the way up.
I am furious at the corruption and sickness that has infected and still infects the minds of those who are leading us. I will never serve a Dominant whos morals amount to a lying, weasel of a thief. Why should i have to allow those who run my bank be the same way and get away with it?
I remember some time back reading a document about all those in congress and the legislative branches. Out of 500? plus i believe the article read, something like 400+ were under investigation or had been convicted of crimes.
This is what has become our America.
It all comes down to trust and making an informed decision. But when people lie, they deprive us of the right to make an intelligent choice.
Where are the good Dominants the great Masters and why are they not leading us?
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| Fear of the unknown |
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We had been speaking for several months. He lived in the next town over from me. About 15 miles. We had met several times, had a few beers and dinner. He was 15 years younger than i. He said He wanted to try this type of relationship with me, He was a novice, but had always had these yearnings. He was out on medical from the military, having been a leader and a soldier in Iraq. He was special forces (yes i seen his badge and ID) His masculine energy and natural Dominance was very arousing. He knew more than he at that time realized...
Phone rings, it was 12:30 am on wintry night in Northern Colorado. His curt sound in his voice awakening me "you disappointed me earlier today." He said, "its time to execute your punishment." I had expressed fear and doubt to him earlier in the day.
Now, fear of the disappointment in his voice was sickening me.
"Put on the sheerest thing you own and a coat and meet me. (gives me a designated spot)You have 20 minutes to be there"
The panic in my voice as i reply "but what if i get pulled over for speeding , By the police??" "it will take me at least 30 minutes to arrive?" I start to whine. He calmly and very coldly states "well then, i guess you had better not get pulled over." and hangs up.
The ice in His voice, I never heard before. I was up out of bed and in a thin tan lace shift and in my car within 3 minutes.
It was a cold, crisp night, barely 20 degrees. The moon was full. It danced across the range below the Rockies, bright, clear.
As i drove down this lonely, desolate road, so many thoughts running through my mind. Why did i doubt Him? Stupid random words that now have me in the middle of nowhere facing my fears of the unknown.
As my car crested the hill, heading down into a long stretch of cold stark landscape, i see a truck on a side road. Odd to me, out in the middle of this barren location at 1 am on a Tuesday morning..
It is just sittting there. As I approach, the lights come on.
As i roll past the road, it pulls out behind me.
Panick starts to set in as well as excitement.. Is that Sir? Is he following me? As I could not make out the color of the truck to tell..
I decide to pick up speed to see how that driver reacts. He stays close to my tail. My pulse is racing now, as there is noone else out here, for many miles. I can see the landscape before me and the only light is from the moon. I try to call him on his cell. No answer.
My mind begins playing tricks on me as I still have another 5 miles to the destination and the driver, is speeding up, slowing down, always right behind me.
As I reach the place to meet him, there is noone. So, I panick, because I still am afraid to pull over, because I do not know if the person behind me is him and so i continue to drive to the main highway another 3 miles.
As I quickly speed up... pull onto the 2 lane highway then quickly flip a U turn. He has pulled over on the side of the shoulder, roles down the window then i see his face. Relief floods me. He laughs at me and tells me to follow him. I begin back down this road to the spot we were to meet. I get out of my car and go to his truck, and climb in.
It is warm and comfortable in his truck. He says softly to me, how are you pet? I tell him, better now, you scared me back there. He laughs, a wicked laugh. His smile turns to a snarl. My face changing from anticipation to dread. I look forward and say nothing.
He drives for about 10 minutes down these winding remote dirt roads. We come upon a beautiful moon drenched park with a lake.
We pull into the parking lot. He pauses. Then turns the truck off. I am afraid to look at him, He coldly tells me to get out.
I quickly get out of the truck, a million thoughts colliding.
It is extremely cold. My nipples immediately are erect, the cold air blowing through the thin lace. He comes to me , turns me to face his truck, then pins me. Whispering in my ear " you really upset me today, i do not like to be questioned, when you do that you bring about doubt, lack of trust and you question my integrity and honor. That is unacceptable". My heart sinks.
He reaches and takes my hands and begins to bind them behind my back with a nylon. His words bring tears to my eyes, his dissatisfaction was more than any punishment He would administer.
He turns me to face him. He sees the tears and it does not deter him. He explains if he did not want to be there he would not. He would not be putting his time and energy into me if he was not interested in building a relationship.
He stands behind me wrapping his arms tightly around me and pulls me close. He whispers "isn't this the most beautiful place on earth?" I agree. It is stunning. I start to sink into him.. regretting my words earlier that day.
He says, oh, your shivering.. and stands me up and laughs. I cannot decipher his mood. He goes to his truck and begins digging around in a box and comes back with a nice warm blanket, wrapping it around me. "I wouldn't want you to get sick pet". I smile at him looking softly into his eyes, i begin to apologize, but before my words can leave my lips his eyes turn dark. "GO OVER THERE AND SIT" and points to a wooden log that is mounted on another, about 2 feet off the ground.
I do as he asks. Hands bound tightly behind...it is hard to keep the blanket on my shoulders, i am biting at it with my teeth to keep it around me.
I sit. He is back at his truck, looking for something.
He returns with hands behind his back. He starts with lecturing me. About how much i pissed him off with my attitude and words. How can my devotion be such to him if I do not trust him? His tone and attitude have now changed to a upset, angry Man. His words were biting, albeit, deserved. my head begins to look down. He grabs me by the chins and growls LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU! At that moment he stands behind me. his hands seductively removing the blanket, caressing the flesh of my neck, my shoulders, as i begin to relax, he slides the thin straps of the gown off exposing both breasts, then i hear a click.. i know the sound well, a knife.
My fear instincts over take me and i jump to my feet, panick sets in. Reality sets in. I start my questioning my decision of being here in the middle of nowhere, with a virtual stranger, noone knowing where i am , next to a lake where i could disappear and not be found for days, if not weeks. I can't run, my hands subdued... In his most Dominant voice, I did not tell you to get up!! The tone guides me back to trusting him.
I sit back down, and he wraps his forearm around my neck.
He begins to run the blade along my throat and He whispers "I want you to know this knife is surgically sharp, it has killed many men" "if you are not still, I may cut you"
The confidence and assurance in his voice I hang on, trust and believe.
He leans into me, pulling the front of my lace down further, knife taking its pleasure across the skin. He begins telling me the history of the knife the 'infamous' person it killed...among his abilities with it.
That instant i realize he is a machine, heart removed, yet i feel he is trying to find it. I feel his isolation and loneliness.
His honor, his duty, his commitment to his country, his pain ..his conflict
and
i feel his blade...
slowly dancing down my neck,
between my breasts...
he tells me, be perfectly still. I wouldn't want to hurt you.
My breath catches as i freeze. My emotions ebbing between comfort and fear...i begin to cry, as i feel the icy cold steel against my cold skin., i also begin to notice his other hand caressing my hair.
As i sit, allowing him to "play" with my flesh i begin to become very aroused. This is the ultimate warrior.
Trained to kill, stealth in his duties and soon to return. I begin to arch out to his blade. As my body rises, he exactingly removes my shift, cutting it , splaying me completely exposed. He whispers "i am so proud of you my girl, you have faced your fears"
He grabs me by the hands , jerking me up and yanking me to his truck, opening the door and tossing me in.
He is immediately on top of me, forcing his cock deep into my throat..i hungrily take all of him, gagging, tears falling, he takes me over and over again cumming deep in my throat, i feel him, all of him.
He kisses me, with deep, exquisite kisses...as i melt he unbinds my hands, places me in the front seat and returns me to my car. | |
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| Wyatt Earps Stage Coach trunk and other fun experiences |
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He tells me He wants me to come to him for the weekend. I will serve as His submissive. Limits are within His limits.
I arrive, as i walk through the door He kisses me, passionately.
He gives me a tour of the house, instructing me where towels are, where to put my bags etc.
He tells me he will have a glass of wine and asks if i would like one as well? I nod in agreement.
We sit and chat for a while, getting comfortable with one another. He then instructs me to shower, then crawl into the living room naked, and kneel before him, legs spread. The thought made me blush, being fairly new, the excitement and anticipation getting to me.
I do as He asks. He looks at me, smiling, "little girl, would you like to ask your Daddy something?". "Yes Daddy" i smile, "may i kiss you down there Daddy?" pointing. He smiles, laughs and allows me to satisfy his erect needs. (I blush while writing this as it is hard for me to discuss the sexual aspects in a blog)
He then tells me we will be going out to dinner, but before we do there were a few things we need to do. He points to a stage coach trunk in his elegant surroundings. He tells me 'this is Wyatt Earps stage coach trunk, I bought some years ago from a relation of his. It is a beautiful piece of decorative furniture I observe.
I call it furniture because in the next few moments he says to me, "Lay down on it please". He had laid a nice thick fluffy towel down so as not to allow any errant splinters to enter me.
As I lay face down on the trunk, He appears with cuffs and has a form of binding attached to the bottom of the stage coach trunk. Binding my wrists and ankles to all 4 corners. He says "Bet you have never been bound to a stage coach trunk before?"
Nervous laughter escaping my lips, as I had never been bound to anything before at that time..
" I have never been bound to any stage coach trunks much less Wyatt Earps" i express..
"ahh my Dear" he whispers, then you are in for a ride".
The tone in His voice tickled me with delight as well as elicit feelings of fear. He returns to the room, stroking my flesh softly with His hand, then He asks me what my level of experience was with a cat o nine? I cringe and respond "None Sir".
He explains He will do 3 lashes and then stop, slowly building. He will then let me know when He is going to increase the intensity. I believe I took about 17 lashes before I was in tears begging him to stop. He smiles, telling me I did wonderfully.
As He slowly releases me He tells me, baby, please go grab your makeup and a slutty little girly outfit to wear for dinner. Then return in here so I may watch you get ready.
I am nervous. More nervous then the cat o nine.
Having never dressed and applied makeup before a Man, especially one who wanted to watch!
For some odd reason (exhibitionist) it stirred my sex, making me flush and heated...Not having any idea how to do this, i mean, how does one apply makeup seductively except for the lips and adding color to the nipples? ::smiles::
I leave the bra off as He desired and put on the sheer blouse. Asking permission to place my foot between his thighs, i slowly slide the black fish nets up, while he watches without expression.
Grabbing the garter belt and turning around, i slightly bend forward, ass exposed...asking if He would please attach my garters in the back?
He cracks several smacks on my ass, laughing, as He attaches the garters. Slowly i slip into the very short skirt, then the come fuck me heels. i then sit down and start applying the makeup, hoping He doesn't notice my fumbling through this phase.
After i finish, He tells me how wonderful i look, but that i am missing something. He returns from the room with a chain and lock. He then instructs me to lift my skirt and He begins to weave the chain around my hips, threw my thighs , snug against my cunt, hearing the lock click tight, i realized this will be a challenge. i softly smile at him, as He says "Now, my darling, you look ravishing".
He tells me we are going to a street festival, i begin to blush.
As we begin to walk through the festival he reminds me to walk straight, do not let anyone see His cunt. Or there will be a price to pay.
Devilishly he continually requests for me to bend to look at a painting, or admire a piece of art. It was a delightfully exciting evening. I could feel the cum dripping as we headed for home.
Once we return home, it is about 8:30 in the evening, he removes the chains and notices through inspection that i am sopping wet. Hmmm.. well, it looks like we need to take care of this situation, i smile as he tells me i would like to take a few pictures first.
He returns with His camera and a kit. He pulls out needles and i freeze in place. I am terrified of needles and He knows this.
He calmly talks me through 4 needles around each ariola.
This is what he wanted and i wanted to please him, so i gritted my teeth as he inserted them. He then lays my sheer blouse closed and he smiles, How beautiful they look, different colored heads on each needle. He takes out his camera and takes a few pictures.
As he removes those needles he tells me, baby there is one more thing i want to try, "yes Sir?" I respond, eager to please Him.
Well, I would like to bind you to this chair with a spreader bar between your legs and take these acupunture needles and insert them into your labia (major)
I start to panick. He calmly states only 6 on each side baby. 6?!?! I exclaim. I am ready to bolt. He assures me that I will enjoy it and they are very thin needles, thinner than the ones he used before and pulls one out and shows me.
Seeing the look in his eyes, i melt and agree.
I sit in the solid wooden chair. Ankles bound in place to the chair plus a spreader bar between them. He binds my upper body to the back of the chair, then my elbows and upper arms, leaving my hands cuffed together but resting in my lap.
I am spread wide for his view and taking. He begins to insert the needles and the tears begin, i am gasping for air, and he tells me "be very still my pet, there are thousands of nerve endings down here and we can do a great deal of damage if you do not remain still"
i was so still i feared breathing.
1, 2, 3 4, I was in tears now sobbing and begging for him to stop. "Just 2 more" he seductively states, but to no avail. It was my limit.
"Now" he says; as I look down and see these needles sticking out, the slightest movement sending them to shake like a richter scale needle...i felt them pulse deep inside.
"Masturbate for me" As I look into his eyes, My face turns solid white, the expression had to be one of absolute horror mixed with incredulous. He smiles a deliciously wicked smile, Then his voice becoming hard, cold. "NOW"
I begin to masturbate. I think I was aware completely the first orgasm which came rapidly. With each wave , over and over
His voice becoming more and more distant, as i drifted in and out of awareness floating between sensations and darkness.
Orgasm after orgasm, i can remember at one point with each jerk of my fingers with each wiggle of the needles deep within , the most intense orgasms i have ever experienced, drifting and thinking, oh god don't make this stop!
His voice virtually disappeared and i imagine that is when i was spent of all energy. I then start to hear him, in my ear, "good girl" mmm my baby, you did wonderfully...
as i start to come around i realize my thick long hair is drenched, i am soaking wet from face to thighs.. California can be hot, but not as hot as he got me.
He kisses me passionately, lovingly, praising me how proud he was of me.. as He is removing the needles and the bindings.. i look at the clock, it is now 11:30, 2 and a 1/2 hours had passed.
i am amazed and He notices the expression. He says, "you came the whole time baby." He kisses me again, wipes the tiny droplets of blood away, then carries me to bed.
The next morning I beg for Him to use the needles again. | |
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| Torment of His love |
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cinched in distress
....standing........
hands cuffed and bound tight overhead, ankles bound
spreader bar in place. the pleasure of the anal hook laced through the bondage of hands over head tightly bound to a little piggy nose hook....nipple clamps attached to the collar
he has made me a fulcrum.
well placed blows, the thud of the flogger, crack of the whip, sting of the crop, heavy solid feel of the cane; resulting in welted, sweet red marks.
the begging begins.
hungry for his use.
He takes me hard, with every thrust the nipples are pulled taunt the head is pulled further back by the nosehook. Every time he pulls out; the head slides forward. the anal hook pulling the ass further in the air.
Over and over he takes me....
vibrator, cock, dildo;
cock, dildo, vibrator,
ball gag in place,
screaming in ecstasy yet not recognizing the voice.
as i slip away....
As time passes the marks fade,
leaving me yearning for more. | |
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Decided to transfer my writings from other sites here
| Making the right choices when choosing who to serve |
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Previously having lived with a wonderful Dominant who used a chain at night to secure my ankle to the bed. Kissing me softly and giving me the key in the event of an emergency. He would tell me "Mercy, here is the key, I am placing it on the nightstand in the event you need to use it."
He made me feel safe. He used this only at night (removing it every morning) to let me know, I was his property, I was loved, and the chain was long enough for me to reach the bathroom if I needed to.
I grew to love the chain and shackle upon my ankle.
After we broke up I met someone else. We spoke for almost a year. He revealed the yearnings in my heart, and hunger for those darker needs. He knew my love of the chain. Never did I think he would use it against me.
My life was falling apart and he suggested I come to him. He sent a plane ticket and I was off to my new home in Connecticut. We had discussed the chain and how my previous owner would chain me to bed at night, in a loving way. He said he understood.
The first night was pleasant. When it came time to sleep. He chained one end to the foot of the bed, and the other (1 inch thick chain) to my neck with a huge padlock.
The next day things changed. He let me know he had to go to work and showed me my new place to sleep. It was on the other side of the house. To a toilet. the chain was only long enough to reach about 5 feet. there was a mat on the floor. My new bed.
My cell phone, suitcases, my world, out of reach. Noone knowing where I was. Or who I was with. I realized then the error of my ways.
This is when the nightmare began. I was not to speak or say a word. I thought at first, this is all a test. So i succombed to my fate.
Days turned into nights, I would hear him come home, at first he would bring me a piece of chicken, some brocolli. Then, the food became less. Seeing him became sporadic. Sometimes he would bring me a banana and an apple and let me know he would be gone.
I remember noticing this particular time 3 days and 3 nights before his return home. If I had a heart attack or the place caught on fire, where was his concern for his "cherished" property? And still he came home and did not check on me.
He began starving me. I luckily had water from the bathroom sink and a tub to take a bath and almost feel normal.
When I did try to speak out against my prison. I remember him coming in, screaming at me, pinning me against a wall, by my throat, choking me and hitting me repeatedly. Telling me that he could do whatever he wants and he could throw me out on the street if he felt like it.. "don't you know there is a blizzard out there??" I own you!
Terrified, knowing i was broke, no car, dead of winter, no where to go.. My stupid thoughts at that time of humiliation if I had to call the police and find a shelter, the story making the news and mostly (i was so unaware back then)of what my children would think.
I went in my mind to that place i go in subspace to find solice...it was my minds way of escaping, to keep from freaking out no doubt.
Then he began coming in to me, it was maybe 2 weeks of my prison, very late at night. I only knew this by the sleep and waking and still dark periods of time. (I had no clock and had no idea what time of day it was , much less what the date was)
He would come in the dark. Reeking of alcohol He would take my mouth and ass then disappear again. His disgusting grunting and cumming quickly ending. Then he would leave. His idea of play.
(I must add here that we discussed a full list of limits. These were not things I even considered would happen when I agreed to being chained to his bed. However, i never agreed to a toilet and starvation. One must be careful what one agrees to)
Days became blurred, my hunger turned into weakness then delirium.. I would dream of my previous owner to keep my sanity. Missing him and his loving ways...regretting destroying that relationship from my past due to drug abuse.
Needless to say I slept ALOT. I learned to hate the chain. Everything it symbolized to me before, gone. The beauty and love of it. Destroyed. Missing my previous Master, terribly, thinking in some warped place in my mind I deserved this because of how I destroyed O/our sanctuary that he created. Wishing he knew where I was and what was happening....
After what I learned later was 3 weeks of time; I was quiet as a mouse. Terrified. timid. (what he termed "softening me") He took the chain off. Feeling that I would now serve him.
He went to work, I immediately got on the computer after he went to work that morning...to make plans to leave.
I found anyone that would help to extract me. Another mistake. The one I found (he turned out to be an abuser claiming to be Dominant, i ended up in a Domestic violence shelter, battered and beaten out of rage and anger, I was with that one for only 3 weeks.)
What both of these men did with me was not consensual, safe or sane. It was abuse.
They were lurkers waiting to pounce on unsuspecting submissives...newbies, whatever you want to term what i was.
So to subs/slaves who may read this. Take care in your choices, ask all the tough questions first.
If he is going to avoid your questions, is he really worth serving?
Does he get angry when you ask questions?
Does he try to isolate you from friends, family, your phone?
If you are ok with these things then great. For me this was abuse.
Have a back up plan. Have money stashed away, let others know where you are going. Name, address, phone number, even a copy of his drivers license. Give that to someone who knows you and you trust.
Following your hearts need to serve should not mean that you end up in a situation like mine which is mild in comparison to others who I have known who have ended up in far worse situations. | |
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it is fascinating that my mail which i use to get 100s daily, has been reduced to quality. very nice. Those who truly understand and are in the know , still contact me. Those who don't send me hate mail.
i love it! |
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| Age: 24 |
| Sydney,
Australia |
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